Trust and Obey

I want to brag on our amazing God! He is the most amazing weaver of ideas that I know! I love how He plants little seeds here and there and then yields an overabundant harvest! Are you listening to Him?

 We’re only in the 4^th week of January and He has taught us SO MUCH already in 2023!

 

At the beginning of the year, we decided we were going to put ourselves on a strict budget and learn to live simply so we could start being better stewards of our monies. Through some of my studying of our Hebrew roots, God was directing us to be “doubly fruitful” in 2023.  I was getting fully into learning to budget when along came payday bringing with it a figure in our bank account that was only 1/3 what we were expecting. (There had been a payroll snafu due to a new company health insurance & other company issues that make us go UGH!) The snafu was not going to be fixed so we went into panic mode (not faith mode which SHOULD be our default by now, but I digress). Thankful for this budget we had started, we cinched it in as tightly as we possibly could! We would be able to survive, no problem, but just wouldn’t get to enjoy any bells and whistles these two weeks and wouldn’t be able to start our savings plan as aggressively as we wanted. 

 

If you personally know the Corsars, you know we live by the Shema verse in the Old Testament of loving God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and loving your neighbor as yourself          (Deut 6:4-9).  We love God deeply, and He causes us to love people deeply. Last week, there was a super cold evening on the horizon and a homeless lady posted on our community page asking for help with a hotel room or some warm items.  I prayed for her as I would normally do when I hear of people struggling, but all evening God would not let her leave my mind.  Every time I would pray, I just felt a call to action of some sort. I messaged the lady and asked how much the cheapest hotel room was in town because I was going to garner some support and try to get her a room. The cheapest room was going to be $50. I asked Michael if we could swing it in our cinched budget to get this lady off the street for a cold night.  I then reminded God that we were on a really tight budget the next two weeks…just in case He had overlooked that. 😜

 

We got the lady and her husband into a warm room, then I told her I not only cared about her physical needs, but also her spiritual needs.  I asked her if her and her husband wanted to join us for church the following day because it would also be followed by a potluck at church and they could get a homecooked meal! They couldn’t pass that up. They came to church with us and were loved on so well by our church body.  Everyone even sent the leftover food home with them so they would also have some dinner. 

The following night a Winter Storm was coming through our region with freezing rain and snow of several inches, and again God prompted me to action. Snow is my most favorite, peaceful thing, but that’s because I can enjoy it from a warm recliner with a cup of hot tea in my hand. I can’t imagine it would be my favorite thing if I had to exist all day in it and sleep in it at night. My heart broke for all those who struggle, and God gave me an intense heart of gratitude for the things He has given me so abundantly.  He reminded us that He blesses us to be a blessing, even though I felt the need to remind Him again that our bank account is sorely lacking funds because I knew what He was prompting us to do again. 😑 I was unable to garner any further financial support for this family, so we cinched extra hard and was able to squeeze out of our budget enough money to put this family in a warm room for the week. 

 

I’m not telling this story for any accolades or anything other than this one reason: Obedience.

 

Faith and Obedience to be more exact.

 

God prompted MY heart to leap out in faith as He has been teaching us recently. Live life in a risky space and allow God to fill the gaps. This wasn’t a lesson for others…it was for Michael and Becky. We weren’t able to garner support from others to help this family because it wasn’t their lesson…it was ours. It was a tangible lesson of being doubly fruitful with the risk of running out of money, money that God has given us by the way, to be obedient to a thing He was asking of us that made no sense to our human minds in our current situation.

 

So today is Wednesday. We get paid Friday, hopefully our full paycheck this time.  😅 And we still have money in the bank. God has said that’s enough on this particular lesson with this particular family.  I’m hoping we got an A or at least an E for “effort”. Joking, of course. I’m sure God will do His weaving to help this homeless couple through some other avenue. But, we were obedient and were able to meet their needs for this week. Thank you, Lord, for causing us to plant a seed. 

 

We can’t wait to see what You have for us to learn in February!  ;) 

God of the Impossible

Whirlwind: n. a column of air moving rapidly around in a cylindrical or funnel shape.       n. used in similes and metaphors to describe a very energetic or tumultuous process.

We just went through a really quick, whirlwind trial that tested our faith pretty severely!  It involved a literally impossible situation, and we could not see how God was going to fix it. But He did. In the coolest way, as usual. 

We've been renting our home for the past 9 months and our lease ends July 1. We had intentions of buying this house from our landlord because property is very limited here in Altus, Oklahoma, AND we didn't want to be spending our whole summer packing and moving when we could be spending quality time having fun with Evan who is home from college for a few months.  But upon making an offer on the house, we were unable to secure a loan quickly due to some credit issues we needed to resolve, so our landlord told us she couldn't wait around for us and was going to have to sell; therefore we were going to have to move out July 1. Mind you, the housing market here, especially for rentals, is virtually extinct.  Cue the panic mode music montage. 

During this 2 week trial, God gave me this word to meditate on: Unwavering. He led me to Job and his trust in God. Then to Abraham and his trust in God. He put the song "Come Behold the Wondrous Mystery" in my head constantly with the lyric, "What a foretaste of deliverance, how unwavering our hope..." on a constant loop. Okay, God...I see you, but I'm not sure how you are going to solve this impossible trial. There are no homes for us here in Altus. 

Romans 4:20 says, "Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God", but I believe there was some wavering. God had promised the elderly Abraham he would be impossibly blessed with a child with his elderly wife, Sarah.  Abraham wavered in that belief as he got even older and decided to unfaithfully have a child with Hagar since he was unsure of how God was going to give him a child with Sarah. Having not yet had the promised child with Sarah, when traveling he told his wife to pretend to be his sister so that his life would be spared by the king who thought his wife was a beautiful woman to take as his own. Maybe it wasn't "wavering" per se, but he was definitely confused as to how God was going to come through on this promise which seemed impossible.  Faithfully,  God came through for him with a son, and Abraham's faith was strengthened.  So much so, that he is viewed as a hero of the faith and his faith brought glory to God. 

So, back to Altus, Oklahoma, and our whirlwind trial.  :) 

Since finding a place to rent was getting us nowhere, we decided to branch out and check every other option!  We contacted numerous real estate agents listing several houses we would be interested in buying to see if their client would offer us a "rent-to-own" option.  Just a few months, then we could purchase the home. All said no. We knew a guy trying to sell his house unsuccessfully for the past year and just asked if we could rent it while he had it on the market. His answer, "Sorry, I have a guy flying in from California this weekend to purchase it." We looked in Lawton, Oklahoma, at homes to rent an hour from where Michael works. It would be do-able, but a lot of driving for him every day. God was closing every single door we were knocking on.

Michael likes to make jokes and said, "Wouldn't it be funny if whoever is buying our house would just let us rent it from them?" I told him that was impossible because there is another house in our neighborhood with that scenario and no one has bought it. *insert eye roll here* Silly Michael, who put that thought into your head?

Not 2 hours from his silly comment did we get a phone call...from a man named Evan (great name since that's our son's name). Evan said he had just flown in from California and had bought our house from our landlord as a rental property.  (Yes, this is the same guy from California I just mentioned above who bought that other house we were trying to live in) He told us he would love for us to stay in the house as his tenants as long as we needed or until we found something else we wanted to move forward on buying. He offered us to be able to stay as long or for as few months as we needed. I don't know if any of you have ever rented a home, but landlords aren't like that.  There is usually always a year long lease involved. 

Michael got off the phone and we were literally silent for the rest of the night.  We could not believe what just happened.  We could not believe that God answered our prayer with all the details included to fit the desires of our heart. God came to us in this whirlwind of doubt & chaos and made everything ordered for His glory.  We knew God would fix our problem; He always does...He's always been faithful. We just could not see HOW because we had tried everything in our power with no success. But in God's great goodness and kindness to us, He is allowing us to stay in this house for as long as we need, He is allowing us a fun filled summer with our son without having to throw a stressful move into the mix.  He is allowing us time to fix a problem with our credit and become better stewards of what He has given us. 

God has allowed us an opportunity to grow our faith even when we didn't understand.  He has done the impossible.  Only He can take credit for it.  He has spoken to us out of the whirlwind, the same as  He did thousands of years ago to Job. He was faithful before, He'll be faithful again and again and again.

Romans 8:28 tells us that God works all things for good.  My landlord needed to sell her house for money she needed for her new farm.  Evan had just sold his home in California for $900,000 affording him the opportunity to move to Altus and buy a home for his family as well as a rental property for income. The Corsar's were allowed to stay in that rental property until a time that will be appointed by God for us to move. And I'm sure so many other pieces were moved around to get us to this exact spot so I could testify of the goodness of God. 

Come behold the wondrous mystery....

Waste is only waste if we waste it

 The lessons God teaches me in the grand curriculum of my life sometimes really crack me up.  You know from past blogs that I've been a little grumpy lately. I've been struggling with gratitude. Struggling with my empty nest. Currently struggling with my displacement since my house flooded. The trials keep coming in droves!  

I've been working on preaching to myself, counseling myself with techniques I have been taught to use on others. Pulling myself out of the mire using gratitude techniques and mindfully being thankful for everything God has given me.  It's not always easy.  I'm a visual person and God knows I sometimes need visual lessons to help me grasp a point. 

I went to visit my mom and dad this week and my dad was showing me some videos that he likes to watch on YouTube.  He & mom kept telling me about a guy they watch who gathers scrap metal. (They think it's fascinating all the things they can find on YouTube that people get paid to video!)  I thought to myself, "Well, this sounds like a lame thing to watch."  But after the first episode, God made it evident that this was my gratitude lesson for the day.  I'm going to attach his video below so you, too,  can view the lesson.  :) 

I watched this man drive through neighborhoods so early in the morning going through people's garbage looking for scrap metal and vacuum cords filled with copper wiring. He then drives to the scrap yard to turn in his haul and get paid for the poundage of metal he brings in.  As he drives around looking for trash, he is so joyful and talks not only to his camera audience, but talks to God.  He thanks God for bigger things he finds. He thanks God for the measly $20 he might make in a day, and he is overjoyed by God's goodness to him when he gets a more lucrative haul.  At the end of his videos, he thanks God for the beautiful sunshine, for his energy to work that day, for his truck to scrap in...literally everything!  

His joy comes from his thankful heart. "A joyful heart is good medicine." Proverbs 17:22

If the Scrap and Pallet Man can be joyful and thankful digging through trash for his provisions, then I can be thankful for all the things God has given me.  I can take what sometimes feels like trash in my life and be thankful for it.  I will now start looking for value in what seems useless in my life; what seems like waste. 

What a fun lesson in gratitude. 

Here's the link if it doesn't pop up on your phone. Here's the link

2020...the best?

Wow.  My last blog post was September 2019.  I had fully planned on blogging during numerous events last year and I knew a lot of it would make amazing blog fodder. ;) Then, 2020...

I could literally stop this story right there, because anyone can just say "2020", and everyone nods their head in agreement because we all understand the pain.  I didn't blog most of 2020 because I was so busy with Evan's senior year as well as working on our homeschool association's yearbook and loving every second of it.  I had been praying in 2020 for God to give me wonderful, quality time with my children knowing when we all moved to Oklahoma that I would enter an empty nest.  Alex would be moving to the next town over to work and start school.  Evan would be returning to North Carolina for college. I was spending lots of time with God to help me mentally prepare for what I knew (or thought I knew) was coming. Then COVID...

The COVID pain, the losses, the disappointments, the shaming, the controversies, the hatred to one another, the discouragement.  There really isn't much positive to say as everything spiraled downhill...not just for us, but for everyone.

Well, God answered my prayers.  I then had TONS of time with my kids as their schooling became online and as their jobs ceased. We were all home together non-stop from March until we moved to Oklahoma in June to join Michael who had already moved there for a job.  It hurt our hearts that Michael wasn't with us as COVID nearly killed him mentally since he's an extrovert who was quarantined away from people for months on end. But we finally all arrived stressed to the max to Oklahoma after a long, arduous drive cross country in June. Anything that could go wrong, did go wrong, so we were thankful that God delivered us here safe and sound.  

We started the process of making Oklahoma our new home. We moved into a house.  Alex found a nice home to rent about 45 minutes from us and began working.  Evan came back to NC to start college at University of North Carolina at Greensboro.  I stayed busy to not notice their absence in my life. At semester's end, we enjoyed a fabulous Thanksgiving and Christmas with all the family and enjoyed our time being all together again.  I didn't realize the depth of the joy I was missing until all the pieces were put back together. 

I had been working hard to overcome the empty nest grief. No one ever told me how painful that void is.  So, if you are reading this...prepare yourself.  Prepare to feel your purpose being ripped from your arms. Prepare to feel a deep sense of loss of all the fun times your family had. Mostly, prepare to feel a loss of a presence that brings you comfort. The holidays brought all the joy back, but when everyone went their separate ways again, the grief  returned.  Then our house flooded...

2021 was suppose to be better than 2020...at least I had hoped.  January 3rd a pipe burst in our house flooding the entire house.  As I write this, I am sitting in a furnished home we are renting a month after this event, waiting for our house to be put back together.  God has had a lot of time to work in my spirit about all the things that have been happening to me. I feel like Mary in Luke 2:19 "but Mary kept all these things in her heart and pondered them often."

My joy was found in my family.  My peace was found in my home and my belongings; ah my king size bed!  My comfort was the most important thing to me. About as important as an idol to worship.  Don't mess with my comfort.  Don't mess with the things that make me happy.  Momma doesn't deal well when you take things from her. Then, God...

Trials are a way for God to redirect our thoughts.  Change our perspective, if you will.  God had not "taken" anything from me...He simply repurposed things. I read something during this trial period  that said "fill your vision with Him so that you know Him." Nothing fills your vision with Christ any better than trials.  I love my family, but my joy HAS to be found in the immutable Christ who is never changing. My peace can only be given from God and is not found in things of this world. The comfort I so crave is a gift from the Holy Spirit, the Great Comforter, who sees my grief and holds my tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). My family, my peace, my comfort are all good things...but Jesus is better.  2020 sucked, but Jesus is better. 2021 needs to step up it's game for me, but still yet, Jesus is better. It's something I'm going through at present. Learning that He is better.  The best. 

And who doesn't want the best?

Yee Haw!

I want to just title all my blogs "Provisions!" because God is so good to provide! But alas, I try to be creative.  You'll understand the title here shortly.

Michael has accepted a wonderfully, fabulous job as a simulator instructor for the KC-135. He's been wanting to get back to teaching, back to working with the military, and back to his beloved aircraft. An opportunity was placed on his lap and he accepted.  The job is in Altus, Oklahoma, at Altus Air Force Base. Three-fourths of the Corsar's are staying in North Carolina until Evan graduates high school in 9 months while the other 1/4 of us is living out west. We'll all join him in June next year.

Michael drove a company car when he lived in North Carolina, so there was no vehicle for him to take to Oklahoma.  Funds were all locked up to pay for his move and setting up an apartment, so there were no funds for a vehicle for him for a while.  He had resigned that he would ride his bicycle to work and home. He worked out ways to ride to grocery stores every few days to only buy what would fit in his backpack.  It would be an inconvenience, but it was literally his only choice.

(Side story time because our stories of provision always have a back story God has been working on  for some time.) Michael's sister, Jaime who lives in Omaha, is married to Jenean. Jenean's family lives in Altus, Oklahoma. Jaime told her father-in-law, Jim, that her brother was moving to town and gave him Michael's phone number.   Jim called Michael and invited him to church with he and his wife on Sunday, picked him up, introduced him to tons of people, and they all took him to lunch after church!  Of course, my extrovert husband was in heaven having tons of new people to talk to! At lunch, Jim discovered  Michael doesn't have a vehicle right now, so he offered Michael his "hay-bale" truck to use until he gets something of his own.  The only caveat is Michael has to come out to the farm once a week with the hay-bale truck and help Jim feed the cows and horses.

If you know Michael, this story is pretty comical because he is 100% city boy. There is not a country bone in his body. But Jim's Christ-like generosity touched him so much, that he agreed to the terms!

(Those spikes on the back are what crack me up, but apparently they are on hydraulics that come down to pick up the hay bales.)  

Michael has not only been provided transportation, but he has a family who cares for him, feeds him, and values him and he's only been there for one week!  A family that God had been putting into place in our lives long before He called Michael  to move to Altus, Oklahoma.

God may not provide in ways we think He should provide, but He 100% provides in ways we NEED Him to provide.

When I see my husband in a month, he may be wearing camouflage and chewing on straw when he picks me up in this miraculous truck, but YEE HAW! God is good!

"And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others."

         2 Corinthians 9:8

Great is His Faithfulness

I haven't blogged much this year.  And though it's not a good excuse, life just gets so busy. And I've really struggled with mood and motivation this year, if I'm completely honest with you.  Getting older does things to ya, ya know?  I've actually spent tons of time with my Father this year in so many ways.  Things have just been so personal, that I haven't wanted to blog about them.  Although I probably should have done so in my spirit of transparency.

This week, though, I am so overwhelmed by emotions and the goodness of God and I just can't contain it all in my body any longer!  It must come out on paper...or a screen, you know what I mean!

Last week, my neighbor went to be with Jesus following a few days in the hospital after a massive stroke.  I was listening to a podcast about grieving widows after that happened and a certain widow's testimony really struck me.  Before her husband died she asked God for help, and His answer was "Praise Me." She was angry that was how God had chosen to answer her because she was praying for healing!  Being obedient she began to praise God and even though her husband died, the praise is what sustained her through the grief.  I've been meditating on that concept all week.  Little did I know it would be preparing me.

While my neighbor was in the hospital, my dad's older sister, my Aunt Nola, whom I love dearly and has always been such an encouraging rock in our family, was put in the hospital struggling with kidney failure and a plethora of other health issues.  My dad has been by her side for weeks now. Her children came in knowing it might be their final farewells. Today my dad tearfully called me saying today was probably going to be her last day day due to some complications. I cried out to God and asked Him to give me a song so I could praise Him as I grieved.

Silence.

I made my breakfast and sat down to do my bible reading for the day, and that's when God gave me my song, because "If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find Me." Jeremiah 29:13  The Psalms overwhelmingly reminded me of God's eternal faithfulness and steadfast love through the ages.  Great is His faithfulness. He gives strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow!  Both my children are reading in the Psalms right now, and Evan commented the other day that most of the songs we sing in church come right out of the Psalms.  I love when God shows up to my kiddos!

I had been feeling discouraged because I had been fervently praying for miracles and healing for both my neighbor and for my aunt.  I felt my prayers had fallen on deaf ears as it seems God did not answer either of my prayers.  James 5:16 says "The prayers of a righteous man avails much"...so maybe I'm just not so righteous.  But then I began to walk through my mind of all the times God has been faithful.  Faithful to my family in providing a legacy of faith, faithful to me to provide me with such amazing neighbors who always have our backs, faithful to my children to be their good Father, faithful to my husband to provide financially for our family, and the list goes on and on and on!

"The love of God is greater far than tongue or pen can ever tell.  Could we with ink the ocean fill and were the skies of parchment made? Were every stalk on earth a quill and every man a scribe by trade. To write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry. Nor could the scroll contain the whole, though stretched from sky to sky. "~Hymn "The Love of God" 

This afternoon, my Aunt Nola also entered the presence of Heaven.  As my dad texted me, "She is looking into Jesus' eyes right now." What a comforting fact that she is now healed.  My neighbor is  also now healed.  God did answer my prayers. I am righteous because Jesus made me righteous through His death and resurrection, so my prayers did avail much. Great is His faithfulness unto me.

I'm so thankful that the faithfulness of our great God allows me the hope to hug my neighbor Jim and kiss his cheek when I get there, and the joy when my Aunt Nola is standing at the gates of Heaven when I arrive to show me around and introduce me to everyone. God is so good to us.

Found

Written July 2018: Taken from another blog I wrote and added to this one



“You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 29:13-14

Every momma’s prayer is that God will find her children and never let go. In her years and years of seeking hard, God finally allowed Alex to see Him. It’s the coolest story. Ready?

In 2016, Alex went on a mission trip to Ukraine pretty much kicking and screaming.  She adamantly stated she did not have a calling for missions and this trip was a “waste of time”, but she agreed to go because her dad was heading up the team.  She found herself repentant after spending just a few days at youth camp with these Ukrainian people.  She fell in love with them, in love with the country, in love with the mission, and gave in 100% to the overwhelming call she was feeling.  It was literally from darkness to light.

Receiving a calling doesn’t necessarily mean God lays out everything in a nicely tied package for you.  For 2 years, Alex has sought God in the deepest ways with what she is to do with her life.  She has prayed and received no clear answer, she has searched the scripture, she has read books about God’s will, she has sought counsel with no peace in the answers.  We have reminded her over and over again that God will reveal what He wants from her in His timing.  Just keep seeking, keep praying, keep walking toward the call that you feel so strongly in your heart. Wrestling with God and begging Him to give her answers has been exhausting.

After a few months from high school graduation with no direction and no future plans, she was really downcast and confused.  She felt everyone else in life knew exactly what they wanted to do with their future, but she had no idea.  We began the admission process as a non-degree seeking student to The College at Southeastern so she could take a few classes with the hopes of God opening clear doors. The only thing she knew for sure was that she wanted to return to Ukraine because she felt such peace when she was there. She was finally able to return to Ukraine July 2018. Her heart was now captured and encouraged even more, and the calling was been stamped even harder on her soul. Upon her return home from a great week with her Ukrainian family and having spent an exceptional time in the presence of God, she had decided that she wants to return to Ukraine to teach English as a second language for those youth who can’t afford to take English classes. That is something more reserved for the wealthier children in that country and she feels called to minister to the least of these. She feels adamant that she is to return there and immerse herself in the culture, be ready with the language, and have the heart to do whatever God readies her to do. Her graduation mantra that she painted so beautifully on the top of her graduate cap said, “If the wind goes where You send it, So Will I.”

Just a week home and she began searching all the options of how to get back to Ukraine, how to obtain a student visa, how to afford living there (even though she has a Ukrainian family who already has agreed to let her live with them), downloading apps to further learn the language, finishing her application for admission to Southeastern, and so forth.  She has been praying diligently and the answer that keeps coming back to her is teaching English. While she has been busy with all the aforementioned things, I found an opportunity for her to teach ESL with the refugee ministry here in Raleigh.  She emailed the director and they will be more than happy to have her gain experience teaching a small group there.  But then we questioned “how” exactly do you teach English to those wanting to learn?  There has to be some classes somewhere to learn how to teach it. So tonight, as I’m scrolling through Instagram, I happen across Southeastern’s page that says: “Do you have a desire to reach the nations with the gospel through teaching English?” Lo and behold, Southeastern is now offering a Teaching English as a Second Language certificate. It even laid out the classes for this Fall and the classes for the Spring to complete the certificate.

So, as Alex has blindly walked in faith going the direction the Spirit has led her, God has, in one week’s time, given her a clear direction and even laid out the schedule of events for her to complete the task.  She will take the certificate classes at Southeastern to learn how to teach English, all while gaining the experience of teaching English to refugees. Then I know in my heart that God will swing open wide the opportunity for her to return to Ukraine. Our family verse in Psalm 37:23 says, “The Lord directs the steps of the godly and He delights in every detail of their lives.” Earlier in that Psalm it says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

As Alex said to me tonight in joyful tears, “I now see how when you follow God in obedience, He literally lines up everything for you when it’s time.”

“I will be found by you, says the Lord.”