My Cosmic Journey

I started this blog eons ago and my last entry was penned in 2023.  Life takes you up in the whirlwind, doesn't it?! Normally I use this blog to write about all the ways God is good.  I absolutely love to brag on Yahweh and how He always comes through for me and my family; and how He can do that for you, too!  I enjoy writing and expressing ideas, and so, this is just a fun way for me to get my thoughts onto "paper". 

Since 2020, I have been deeply studying a specific topic, and I keep asking God to show me what I'm supposed to do with it.  The answer is always to continue studying and keep learning.  Through my studies and through much prayer, He begins to connect dots for me. This is why I love the personal relationship Jesus has with us! He tells us He has sent us something better, the Holy Spirit, and the Spirit is enormously helpful to make me understand things my mind cannot usually conceive.  However, the Spirit has recently prompted me to begin sharing the things I've been researching and learning.

So let me begin by laying the groundwork for you. Better yet, a framework which will assist in building a space for things to come in our present age and clarify details for a Bible believing follower of Jesus.  Question: Can we genuinely use the word "Christian" anymore? It seems the actual and fundamental meaning of the word Christian has been a little co-opted, so I'll stick with follower of Jesus or disciple of Christ.  Words do truly matter. 

God has been teaching me about the supernatural things in Scripture for about 6 years now.  If you think you don't believe in the supernatural, allow me to open your eyes to details you may have skipped over in your Bible readings.  But first, the framework.  Let's start with the cornerstone, Ephesians 6:10-20.  This is the whole Armor of God section you have probably read but may never have paused to ask WHY this armor is essential. Paul answer’s this question for us…"So that you may be able to stand against the wiles (schemes) of the devil, for our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." (NSRV)

Perhaps you may have always read that but glossed over all those noteworthy terms.  Your brain says, "yep, demons", but there is a hierarchy of powers in the demonic (fallen angel) realm.  When you learn the mindset of God’s design, as above, so below, you begin to understand that the earthly realm is governed exactly as the heavenly realm.  It is very organized and orderly. As Creator, God is not a god of chaos.  Chaos comes from the fallen angels who brought disobedience and disorder to Creation.  We will eventually get to that, because trust me, that's a whole paradigm shift in and of itself!!

Today, we live in a time where alien disclosure is the hot topic of the day, armageddon is being "brought on by politicians”, everyone is telling you to use "discernment" but we all have different discerning thoughts, religious leaders are wolves in sheep's clothing, youth are deconstructing their religious beliefs, "Christ is King" is a divisive term, pastors call God "non-binary", Israel isn't the real Israel, the propaganda news machine and the comment sections on social media all make you want to pull your hair out!  Anyone else get stressed by just reading that list?  In 2026, these are some of the things that keep people divided and fighting.  All this and much more…so much more.

We've all read in Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5, "You shall have no other gods before me." All my life that meant not to bow to idols such as little gold Buddha statues, or making things like politics, sports, or money an idol.  Don't put those things before God or worship them more than God.  However, this is not necessarily what God meant by this commandment.

Before I compose the next post, I’d ask that you read and familiarize yourself with Genesis 6:1-5, Deuteronomy 32:8-9, Job 1:6-12, and Psalm 82.  These passages are portions of Scripture that are difficult to understand, therefore I've been diving deep, listening to tons of theologians, and reading Ancient Near Eastern literature to make sense of how that era understood words and life.  We can't read Scripture through our Western American eyes...things just don't mean the same thing.  Deep studys make the Scriptures come alive like a high-definition television!  We don't live the same as people who lived thousands and thousands of years ago.  Nevertheless, the same gods that existed then, still exist today.  And they are wreaking havoc because they know we don't understand them or know who they are. 

I'd love to show you all the crazy things I've been learning, although it may not be for everyone.  The Holy Spirit reveals the things of God when He is ready for you to know it.  So, if it's too much for you right now, that's okay!  I promise I'm not a crazy heretic, just someone who has learned to read the Bible through supernatural eyes and I'm stoked at what God is showing me.  I'm stoked to learn how truly powerful, amazing, loving, strong, and mighty OUR GOD IS! The others are just counterfeit pansies.  I'm so thankful Yahweh, the God of gods, the King of kings, the Almighty God, the Creator of EVERYTHING, chose me. 

Trust and Obey

I want to brag on our amazing God! He is the most amazing weaver of ideas that I know! I love how He plants little seeds here and there and then yields an overabundant harvest! Are you listening to Him?

 We’re only in the 4^th week of January and He has taught us SO MUCH already in 2023!

 

At the beginning of the year, we decided we were going to put ourselves on a strict budget and learn to live simply so we could start being better stewards of our monies. Through some of my studying of our Hebrew roots, God was directing us to be “doubly fruitful” in 2023.  I was getting fully into learning to budget when along came payday bringing with it a figure in our bank account that was only 1/3 what we were expecting. (There had been a payroll snafu due to a new company health insurance & other company issues that make us go UGH!) The snafu was not going to be fixed so we went into panic mode (not faith mode which SHOULD be our default by now, but I digress). Thankful for this budget we had started, we cinched it in as tightly as we possibly could! We would be able to survive, no problem, but just wouldn’t get to enjoy any bells and whistles these two weeks and wouldn’t be able to start our savings plan as aggressively as we wanted. 

 

If you personally know the Corsars, you know we live by the Shema verse in the Old Testament of loving God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and loving your neighbor as yourself          (Deut 6:4-9).  We love God deeply, and He causes us to love people deeply. Last week, there was a super cold evening on the horizon and a homeless lady posted on our community page asking for help with a hotel room or some warm items.  I prayed for her as I would normally do when I hear of people struggling, but all evening God would not let her leave my mind.  Every time I would pray, I just felt a call to action of some sort. I messaged the lady and asked how much the cheapest hotel room was in town because I was going to garner some support and try to get her a room. The cheapest room was going to be $50. I asked Michael if we could swing it in our cinched budget to get this lady off the street for a cold night.  I then reminded God that we were on a really tight budget the next two weeks…just in case He had overlooked that. 😜

 

We got the lady and her husband into a warm room, then I told her I not only cared about her physical needs, but also her spiritual needs.  I asked her if her and her husband wanted to join us for church the following day because it would also be followed by a potluck at church and they could get a homecooked meal! They couldn’t pass that up. They came to church with us and were loved on so well by our church body.  Everyone even sent the leftover food home with them so they would also have some dinner. 

The following night a Winter Storm was coming through our region with freezing rain and snow of several inches, and again God prompted me to action. Snow is my most favorite, peaceful thing, but that’s because I can enjoy it from a warm recliner with a cup of hot tea in my hand. I can’t imagine it would be my favorite thing if I had to exist all day in it and sleep in it at night. My heart broke for all those who struggle, and God gave me an intense heart of gratitude for the things He has given me so abundantly.  He reminded us that He blesses us to be a blessing, even though I felt the need to remind Him again that our bank account is sorely lacking funds because I knew what He was prompting us to do again. 😑 I was unable to garner any further financial support for this family, so we cinched extra hard and was able to squeeze out of our budget enough money to put this family in a warm room for the week. 

 

I’m not telling this story for any accolades or anything other than this one reason: Obedience.

 

Faith and Obedience to be more exact.

 

God prompted MY heart to leap out in faith as He has been teaching us recently. Live life in a risky space and allow God to fill the gaps. This wasn’t a lesson for others…it was for Michael and Becky. We weren’t able to garner support from others to help this family because it wasn’t their lesson…it was ours. It was a tangible lesson of being doubly fruitful with the risk of running out of money, money that God has given us by the way, to be obedient to a thing He was asking of us that made no sense to our human minds in our current situation.

 

So today is Wednesday. We get paid Friday, hopefully our full paycheck this time.  😅 And we still have money in the bank. God has said that’s enough on this particular lesson with this particular family.  I’m hoping we got an A or at least an E for “effort”. Joking, of course. I’m sure God will do His weaving to help this homeless couple through some other avenue. But, we were obedient and were able to meet their needs for this week. Thank you, Lord, for causing us to plant a seed. 

 

We can’t wait to see what You have for us to learn in February!  ;) 

God of the Impossible

Whirlwind: n. a column of air moving rapidly around in a cylindrical or funnel shape.       n. used in similes and metaphors to describe a very energetic or tumultuous process.

We just went through a really quick, whirlwind trial that tested our faith pretty severely!  It involved a literally impossible situation, and we could not see how God was going to fix it. But He did. In the coolest way, as usual. 

We've been renting our home for the past 9 months and our lease ends July 1. We had intentions of buying this house from our landlord because property is very limited here in Altus, Oklahoma, AND we didn't want to be spending our whole summer packing and moving when we could be spending quality time having fun with Evan who is home from college for a few months.  But upon making an offer on the house, we were unable to secure a loan quickly due to some credit issues we needed to resolve, so our landlord told us she couldn't wait around for us and was going to have to sell; therefore we were going to have to move out July 1. Mind you, the housing market here, especially for rentals, is virtually extinct.  Cue the panic mode music montage. 

During this 2 week trial, God gave me this word to meditate on: Unwavering. He led me to Job and his trust in God. Then to Abraham and his trust in God. He put the song "Come Behold the Wondrous Mystery" in my head constantly with the lyric, "What a foretaste of deliverance, how unwavering our hope..." on a constant loop. Okay, God...I see you, but I'm not sure how you are going to solve this impossible trial. There are no homes for us here in Altus. 

Romans 4:20 says, "Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God", but I believe there was some wavering. God had promised the elderly Abraham he would be impossibly blessed with a child with his elderly wife, Sarah.  Abraham wavered in that belief as he got even older and decided to unfaithfully have a child with Hagar since he was unsure of how God was going to give him a child with Sarah. Having not yet had the promised child with Sarah, when traveling he told his wife to pretend to be his sister so that his life would be spared by the king who thought his wife was a beautiful woman to take as his own. Maybe it wasn't "wavering" per se, but he was definitely confused as to how God was going to come through on this promise which seemed impossible.  Faithfully,  God came through for him with a son, and Abraham's faith was strengthened.  So much so, that he is viewed as a hero of the faith and his faith brought glory to God. 

So, back to Altus, Oklahoma, and our whirlwind trial.  :) 

Since finding a place to rent was getting us nowhere, we decided to branch out and check every other option!  We contacted numerous real estate agents listing several houses we would be interested in buying to see if their client would offer us a "rent-to-own" option.  Just a few months, then we could purchase the home. All said no. We knew a guy trying to sell his house unsuccessfully for the past year and just asked if we could rent it while he had it on the market. His answer, "Sorry, I have a guy flying in from California this weekend to purchase it." We looked in Lawton, Oklahoma, at homes to rent an hour from where Michael works. It would be do-able, but a lot of driving for him every day. God was closing every single door we were knocking on.

Michael likes to make jokes and said, "Wouldn't it be funny if whoever is buying our house would just let us rent it from them?" I told him that was impossible because there is another house in our neighborhood with that scenario and no one has bought it. *insert eye roll here* Silly Michael, who put that thought into your head?

Not 2 hours from his silly comment did we get a phone call...from a man named Evan (great name since that's our son's name). Evan said he had just flown in from California and had bought our house from our landlord as a rental property.  (Yes, this is the same guy from California I just mentioned above who bought that other house we were trying to live in) He told us he would love for us to stay in the house as his tenants as long as we needed or until we found something else we wanted to move forward on buying. He offered us to be able to stay as long or for as few months as we needed. I don't know if any of you have ever rented a home, but landlords aren't like that.  There is usually always a year long lease involved. 

Michael got off the phone and we were literally silent for the rest of the night.  We could not believe what just happened.  We could not believe that God answered our prayer with all the details included to fit the desires of our heart. God came to us in this whirlwind of doubt & chaos and made everything ordered for His glory.  We knew God would fix our problem; He always does...He's always been faithful. We just could not see HOW because we had tried everything in our power with no success. But in God's great goodness and kindness to us, He is allowing us to stay in this house for as long as we need, He is allowing us a fun filled summer with our son without having to throw a stressful move into the mix.  He is allowing us time to fix a problem with our credit and become better stewards of what He has given us. 

God has allowed us an opportunity to grow our faith even when we didn't understand.  He has done the impossible.  Only He can take credit for it.  He has spoken to us out of the whirlwind, the same as  He did thousands of years ago to Job. He was faithful before, He'll be faithful again and again and again.

Romans 8:28 tells us that God works all things for good.  My landlord needed to sell her house for money she needed for her new farm.  Evan had just sold his home in California for $900,000 affording him the opportunity to move to Altus and buy a home for his family as well as a rental property for income. The Corsar's were allowed to stay in that rental property until a time that will be appointed by God for us to move. And I'm sure so many other pieces were moved around to get us to this exact spot so I could testify of the goodness of God. 

Come behold the wondrous mystery....

Waste is only waste if we waste it

 The lessons God teaches me in the grand curriculum of my life sometimes really crack me up.  You know from past blogs that I've been a little grumpy lately. I've been struggling with gratitude. Struggling with my empty nest. Currently struggling with my displacement since my house flooded. The trials keep coming in droves!  

I've been working on preaching to myself, counseling myself with techniques I have been taught to use on others. Pulling myself out of the mire using gratitude techniques and mindfully being thankful for everything God has given me.  It's not always easy.  I'm a visual person and God knows I sometimes need visual lessons to help me grasp a point. 

I went to visit my mom and dad this week and my dad was showing me some videos that he likes to watch on YouTube.  He & mom kept telling me about a guy they watch who gathers scrap metal. (They think it's fascinating all the things they can find on YouTube that people get paid to video!)  I thought to myself, "Well, this sounds like a lame thing to watch."  But after the first episode, God made it evident that this was my gratitude lesson for the day.  I'm going to attach his video below so you, too,  can view the lesson.  :) 

I watched this man drive through neighborhoods so early in the morning going through people's garbage looking for scrap metal and vacuum cords filled with copper wiring. He then drives to the scrap yard to turn in his haul and get paid for the poundage of metal he brings in.  As he drives around looking for trash, he is so joyful and talks not only to his camera audience, but talks to God.  He thanks God for bigger things he finds. He thanks God for the measly $20 he might make in a day, and he is overjoyed by God's goodness to him when he gets a more lucrative haul.  At the end of his videos, he thanks God for the beautiful sunshine, for his energy to work that day, for his truck to scrap in...literally everything!  

His joy comes from his thankful heart. "A joyful heart is good medicine." Proverbs 17:22

If the Scrap and Pallet Man can be joyful and thankful digging through trash for his provisions, then I can be thankful for all the things God has given me.  I can take what sometimes feels like trash in my life and be thankful for it.  I will now start looking for value in what seems useless in my life; what seems like waste. 

What a fun lesson in gratitude. 

Here's the link if it doesn't pop up on your phone. Here's the link

2020...the best?

Wow.  My last blog post was September 2019.  I had fully planned on blogging during numerous events last year and I knew a lot of it would make amazing blog fodder. ;) Then, 2020...

I could literally stop this story right there, because anyone can just say "2020", and everyone nods their head in agreement because we all understand the pain.  I didn't blog most of 2020 because I was so busy with Evan's senior year as well as working on our homeschool association's yearbook and loving every second of it.  I had been praying in 2020 for God to give me wonderful, quality time with my children knowing when we all moved to Oklahoma that I would enter an empty nest.  Alex would be moving to the next town over to work and start school.  Evan would be returning to North Carolina for college. I was spending lots of time with God to help me mentally prepare for what I knew (or thought I knew) was coming. Then COVID...

The COVID pain, the losses, the disappointments, the shaming, the controversies, the hatred to one another, the discouragement.  There really isn't much positive to say as everything spiraled downhill...not just for us, but for everyone.

Well, God answered my prayers.  I then had TONS of time with my kids as their schooling became online and as their jobs ceased. We were all home together non-stop from March until we moved to Oklahoma in June to join Michael who had already moved there for a job.  It hurt our hearts that Michael wasn't with us as COVID nearly killed him mentally since he's an extrovert who was quarantined away from people for months on end. But we finally all arrived stressed to the max to Oklahoma after a long, arduous drive cross country in June. Anything that could go wrong, did go wrong, so we were thankful that God delivered us here safe and sound.  

We started the process of making Oklahoma our new home. We moved into a house.  Alex found a nice home to rent about 45 minutes from us and began working.  Evan came back to NC to start college at University of North Carolina at Greensboro.  I stayed busy to not notice their absence in my life. At semester's end, we enjoyed a fabulous Thanksgiving and Christmas with all the family and enjoyed our time being all together again.  I didn't realize the depth of the joy I was missing until all the pieces were put back together. 

I had been working hard to overcome the empty nest grief. No one ever told me how painful that void is.  So, if you are reading this...prepare yourself.  Prepare to feel your purpose being ripped from your arms. Prepare to feel a deep sense of loss of all the fun times your family had. Mostly, prepare to feel a loss of a presence that brings you comfort. The holidays brought all the joy back, but when everyone went their separate ways again, the grief  returned.  Then our house flooded...

2021 was suppose to be better than 2020...at least I had hoped.  January 3rd a pipe burst in our house flooding the entire house.  As I write this, I am sitting in a furnished home we are renting a month after this event, waiting for our house to be put back together.  God has had a lot of time to work in my spirit about all the things that have been happening to me. I feel like Mary in Luke 2:19 "but Mary kept all these things in her heart and pondered them often."

My joy was found in my family.  My peace was found in my home and my belongings; ah my king size bed!  My comfort was the most important thing to me. About as important as an idol to worship.  Don't mess with my comfort.  Don't mess with the things that make me happy.  Momma doesn't deal well when you take things from her. Then, God...

Trials are a way for God to redirect our thoughts.  Change our perspective, if you will.  God had not "taken" anything from me...He simply repurposed things. I read something during this trial period  that said "fill your vision with Him so that you know Him." Nothing fills your vision with Christ any better than trials.  I love my family, but my joy HAS to be found in the immutable Christ who is never changing. My peace can only be given from God and is not found in things of this world. The comfort I so crave is a gift from the Holy Spirit, the Great Comforter, who sees my grief and holds my tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). My family, my peace, my comfort are all good things...but Jesus is better.  2020 sucked, but Jesus is better. 2021 needs to step up it's game for me, but still yet, Jesus is better. It's something I'm going through at present. Learning that He is better.  The best. 

And who doesn't want the best?

Yee Haw!

I want to just title all my blogs "Provisions!" because God is so good to provide! But alas, I try to be creative.  You'll understand the title here shortly.

Michael has accepted a wonderfully, fabulous job as a simulator instructor for the KC-135. He's been wanting to get back to teaching, back to working with the military, and back to his beloved aircraft. An opportunity was placed on his lap and he accepted.  The job is in Altus, Oklahoma, at Altus Air Force Base. Three-fourths of the Corsar's are staying in North Carolina until Evan graduates high school in 9 months while the other 1/4 of us is living out west. We'll all join him in June next year.

Michael drove a company car when he lived in North Carolina, so there was no vehicle for him to take to Oklahoma.  Funds were all locked up to pay for his move and setting up an apartment, so there were no funds for a vehicle for him for a while.  He had resigned that he would ride his bicycle to work and home. He worked out ways to ride to grocery stores every few days to only buy what would fit in his backpack.  It would be an inconvenience, but it was literally his only choice.

(Side story time because our stories of provision always have a back story God has been working on  for some time.) Michael's sister, Jaime who lives in Omaha, is married to Jenean. Jenean's family lives in Altus, Oklahoma. Jaime told her father-in-law, Jim, that her brother was moving to town and gave him Michael's phone number.   Jim called Michael and invited him to church with he and his wife on Sunday, picked him up, introduced him to tons of people, and they all took him to lunch after church!  Of course, my extrovert husband was in heaven having tons of new people to talk to! At lunch, Jim discovered  Michael doesn't have a vehicle right now, so he offered Michael his "hay-bale" truck to use until he gets something of his own.  The only caveat is Michael has to come out to the farm once a week with the hay-bale truck and help Jim feed the cows and horses.

If you know Michael, this story is pretty comical because he is 100% city boy. There is not a country bone in his body. But Jim's Christ-like generosity touched him so much, that he agreed to the terms!

(Those spikes on the back are what crack me up, but apparently they are on hydraulics that come down to pick up the hay bales.)  

Michael has not only been provided transportation, but he has a family who cares for him, feeds him, and values him and he's only been there for one week!  A family that God had been putting into place in our lives long before He called Michael  to move to Altus, Oklahoma.

God may not provide in ways we think He should provide, but He 100% provides in ways we NEED Him to provide.

When I see my husband in a month, he may be wearing camouflage and chewing on straw when he picks me up in this miraculous truck, but YEE HAW! God is good!

"And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others."

         2 Corinthians 9:8

Great is His Faithfulness

I haven't blogged much this year.  And though it's not a good excuse, life just gets so busy. And I've really struggled with mood and motivation this year, if I'm completely honest with you.  Getting older does things to ya, ya know?  I've actually spent tons of time with my Father this year in so many ways.  Things have just been so personal, that I haven't wanted to blog about them.  Although I probably should have done so in my spirit of transparency.

This week, though, I am so overwhelmed by emotions and the goodness of God and I just can't contain it all in my body any longer!  It must come out on paper...or a screen, you know what I mean!

Last week, my neighbor went to be with Jesus following a few days in the hospital after a massive stroke.  I was listening to a podcast about grieving widows after that happened and a certain widow's testimony really struck me.  Before her husband died she asked God for help, and His answer was "Praise Me." She was angry that was how God had chosen to answer her because she was praying for healing!  Being obedient she began to praise God and even though her husband died, the praise is what sustained her through the grief.  I've been meditating on that concept all week.  Little did I know it would be preparing me.

While my neighbor was in the hospital, my dad's older sister, my Aunt Nola, whom I love dearly and has always been such an encouraging rock in our family, was put in the hospital struggling with kidney failure and a plethora of other health issues.  My dad has been by her side for weeks now. Her children came in knowing it might be their final farewells. Today my dad tearfully called me saying today was probably going to be her last day day due to some complications. I cried out to God and asked Him to give me a song so I could praise Him as I grieved.

Silence.

I made my breakfast and sat down to do my bible reading for the day, and that's when God gave me my song, because "If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find Me." Jeremiah 29:13  The Psalms overwhelmingly reminded me of God's eternal faithfulness and steadfast love through the ages.  Great is His faithfulness. He gives strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow!  Both my children are reading in the Psalms right now, and Evan commented the other day that most of the songs we sing in church come right out of the Psalms.  I love when God shows up to my kiddos!

I had been feeling discouraged because I had been fervently praying for miracles and healing for both my neighbor and for my aunt.  I felt my prayers had fallen on deaf ears as it seems God did not answer either of my prayers.  James 5:16 says "The prayers of a righteous man avails much"...so maybe I'm just not so righteous.  But then I began to walk through my mind of all the times God has been faithful.  Faithful to my family in providing a legacy of faith, faithful to me to provide me with such amazing neighbors who always have our backs, faithful to my children to be their good Father, faithful to my husband to provide financially for our family, and the list goes on and on and on!

"The love of God is greater far than tongue or pen can ever tell.  Could we with ink the ocean fill and were the skies of parchment made? Were every stalk on earth a quill and every man a scribe by trade. To write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry. Nor could the scroll contain the whole, though stretched from sky to sky. "~Hymn "The Love of God" 

This afternoon, my Aunt Nola also entered the presence of Heaven.  As my dad texted me, "She is looking into Jesus' eyes right now." What a comforting fact that she is now healed.  My neighbor is  also now healed.  God did answer my prayers. I am righteous because Jesus made me righteous through His death and resurrection, so my prayers did avail much. Great is His faithfulness unto me.

I'm so thankful that the faithfulness of our great God allows me the hope to hug my neighbor Jim and kiss his cheek when I get there, and the joy when my Aunt Nola is standing at the gates of Heaven when I arrive to show me around and introduce me to everyone. God is so good to us.

Found

Written July 2018: Taken from another blog I wrote and added to this one



“You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 29:13-14

Every momma’s prayer is that God will find her children and never let go. In her years and years of seeking hard, God finally allowed Alex to see Him. It’s the coolest story. Ready?

In 2016, Alex went on a mission trip to Ukraine pretty much kicking and screaming.  She adamantly stated she did not have a calling for missions and this trip was a “waste of time”, but she agreed to go because her dad was heading up the team.  She found herself repentant after spending just a few days at youth camp with these Ukrainian people.  She fell in love with them, in love with the country, in love with the mission, and gave in 100% to the overwhelming call she was feeling.  It was literally from darkness to light.

Receiving a calling doesn’t necessarily mean God lays out everything in a nicely tied package for you.  For 2 years, Alex has sought God in the deepest ways with what she is to do with her life.  She has prayed and received no clear answer, she has searched the scripture, she has read books about God’s will, she has sought counsel with no peace in the answers.  We have reminded her over and over again that God will reveal what He wants from her in His timing.  Just keep seeking, keep praying, keep walking toward the call that you feel so strongly in your heart. Wrestling with God and begging Him to give her answers has been exhausting.

After a few months from high school graduation with no direction and no future plans, she was really downcast and confused.  She felt everyone else in life knew exactly what they wanted to do with their future, but she had no idea.  We began the admission process as a non-degree seeking student to The College at Southeastern so she could take a few classes with the hopes of God opening clear doors. The only thing she knew for sure was that she wanted to return to Ukraine because she felt such peace when she was there. She was finally able to return to Ukraine July 2018. Her heart was now captured and encouraged even more, and the calling was been stamped even harder on her soul. Upon her return home from a great week with her Ukrainian family and having spent an exceptional time in the presence of God, she had decided that she wants to return to Ukraine to teach English as a second language for those youth who can’t afford to take English classes. That is something more reserved for the wealthier children in that country and she feels called to minister to the least of these. She feels adamant that she is to return there and immerse herself in the culture, be ready with the language, and have the heart to do whatever God readies her to do. Her graduation mantra that she painted so beautifully on the top of her graduate cap said, “If the wind goes where You send it, So Will I.”

Just a week home and she began searching all the options of how to get back to Ukraine, how to obtain a student visa, how to afford living there (even though she has a Ukrainian family who already has agreed to let her live with them), downloading apps to further learn the language, finishing her application for admission to Southeastern, and so forth.  She has been praying diligently and the answer that keeps coming back to her is teaching English. While she has been busy with all the aforementioned things, I found an opportunity for her to teach ESL with the refugee ministry here in Raleigh.  She emailed the director and they will be more than happy to have her gain experience teaching a small group there.  But then we questioned “how” exactly do you teach English to those wanting to learn?  There has to be some classes somewhere to learn how to teach it. So tonight, as I’m scrolling through Instagram, I happen across Southeastern’s page that says: “Do you have a desire to reach the nations with the gospel through teaching English?” Lo and behold, Southeastern is now offering a Teaching English as a Second Language certificate. It even laid out the classes for this Fall and the classes for the Spring to complete the certificate.

So, as Alex has blindly walked in faith going the direction the Spirit has led her, God has, in one week’s time, given her a clear direction and even laid out the schedule of events for her to complete the task.  She will take the certificate classes at Southeastern to learn how to teach English, all while gaining the experience of teaching English to refugees. Then I know in my heart that God will swing open wide the opportunity for her to return to Ukraine. Our family verse in Psalm 37:23 says, “The Lord directs the steps of the godly and He delights in every detail of their lives.” Earlier in that Psalm it says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

As Alex said to me tonight in joyful tears, “I now see how when you follow God in obedience, He literally lines up everything for you when it’s time.”

“I will be found by you, says the Lord.” 

Spring

We are emerging from a super long winter.  And I'm not necessarily talking about the physical season of winter, but more like a spiritual season of winter.  Those spiritual seasons sometimes coincide with the physical seasons for me.  I struggle with SAD (seasonal affective disorder) where my mood drastically changes with the seasons.  Flowers die, leaves fall and my mood disappears with it; I become more contemplative in the cold months and more introverted and quiet.  Then, as the spring comes I emerge from my slumbering den ready to plant and create and be social again!

I have to admit, I kind of like that I was created that way.  I enjoy my contemplative times in the winter months when I can sit and be still and hang out with God.  I crawl up in His lap next to the fireplace every day and I really enjoy those times.  In the spring and summer months, my time with God is still present, but we are outside creating together and enjoying His creation.

What does this have to do with anything?  Well, let me explain.  Michael was laid off from his amazing, well paying job unexpectedly December 1.  There was so much going on in our lives at that time and losing a job was not a welcome experience right then and there.  We kind of hydroplaned through the busy-ness of December bracing for the stillness of the holiday season so that we could plummet into the hard brick wall of a spiritual and emotional winter.  My SAD usually hits around the January time frame and it hit hard this year.  God and I had many talks by the fireplace about what in the world He was doing?!  Had He forgotten we had just purchased a home?  A large home for which to do ministry for Him?  Had He forgotten that Michael just graduated? Had He not looked ahead on our calendar and noticed that we have a senior graduating from high school this year?  There are lots of things to be paid for senior year, God, in case you didn't know that's how we humans do things. AND God decided to move us to another church family in the middle of all this making it really hard for me to stay in my comfortable shell during this most challenging time.  The literal feeling of drowning and suffocation.  Combating the human fear of losing our home, and questioning ALL that you thought God was doing in your life before He brought it all to an abrupt halt.  Do we stay in North Carolina?  Do we look for work elsewhere?  We were 100% certain of the open doors He put in front of us when we moved to this house in March 2017.  What in the world are we to do God?!

Silence. That was His answer.

Understanding faith with your heart is one thing.  It's a sweet, Christian sentiment we listen to in a sermon on Sunday. But actually living out faith with your head is another thing entirely.  It's not something we humans have genetically built into us.  You have to ask for it every day from the Spirit who guides you.  The Spirit is the only thing that helps our unbelief.  We don't just muster it up on our own.  Believe me, I tried.  And I failed.  Miserably.  I was Job's wife to my husband.  I whined and pouted like a whiny child to my Father.  I failed to see His provisions on a daily basis...as I lived in a huge house, by the way.  Let the ugliness of my heart and the coldness of my winter sink in here.  

Then my eyes were opened to see that He was with us fighting our battle, making all things new, providing for us. We never went hungry or without.  My worship became sweeter.  My children's faith became deeper.  Michael was able to minister to friends and his children over breakfasts, lunches, and date nights in his "free time" of waiting. We made the most of it and had friends over for dinner and fellowship.

God's name became to me The Lord of Hosts, God Almighty.  I meditated on Psalm 46 every day, then I found the song "Psalm 46" by Shane and Shane and listened to it a thousand times a day!  "Though oceans roar, You are the Lord of all, the One who calms the wind and waves and makes my heart be still. Though the earth gives way, the mountains move into the sea, the nations rage, I know my God is in control!" I began to see the evidence of His love for me all around in even the mundane things of life.  I listened for His answers to my heart's cry in nature, in His Word, in the words of Christian friends and family, in articles I would read. He is literally everywhere when you seek Him with your whole heart. I finally gave in to whatever He caused to happen and it would be okay.  If we move, okay. If we lose the house, okay. If we stay, okay. If He calls us to do something that makes no sense at all, okay. If He's clear with His directions, great.  If not, He's Sovereign, and it's okay.

Then, after 4 months of rejection emails, one company found Michael and pursued him.  He will start next week as Regional Operations Director of ProSource of Raleigh. He will then branch out with their company in Charlotte and Savannah, GA. He's doing basically the same job he was doing before his layoff for another company.

It's not lost of me that the first day of Spring was last week.  The Lord of Hosts, Jehovah Sabaoth, God Almighty fought our way through the winter for us. One of the studies I did through the winter said this:

"To summarize, the LORD of hosts, Jehovah Sabaoth is the Name of God we find used in Scripture when a man or woman is at the end of their rope so to speak -- Jehovah Sabaoth is the Strong Tower which God has made available for those times when we fail & are powerless, when our resources are inadequate, when there is no other help. And it is especially during those times that one comes to appreciate that God is truly the LORD of the Armies & of all hosts. In short, Jehovah Sabaoth speaks of God's available power in our time of trouble."

We don't know what the future holds with this company, with our ministry, with our family.  But we are in 100% with whatever God puts out for us to do.  He has shown time and time again that He does not fail, He does not forget us, He provides, He upholds, He is compassionate, He loves deeply, He fights for us. Most importantly, He's WITH US. Through thick and thin. Through winter and spring.

Evidences of Grace

Birds.  They are my most favorite thing to decorate with.  They have been my mascot during our seminary years. The Bible tells us in Matthew 6:25-27 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" God always brings birds to remind me that He is near and that all is well.

Our family is in the process of changing churches.  We have been in our current church for the past 4.5 years, but within the past few months we have felt a prompting of the Spirit to join the ministry of another local body of believers.  This has not been an easy task to obey as we love the church in which we have been a part and we love the people there who have become like family during our seminary years.

It has taken much prayer, discussion, and trying to figure out why God would move us out of our support network to join another church at this particular time in our life.  We are still waiting for God to reveal that, although we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are walking the path God has laid out before us.

At our new church, Imago Dei (which simply means Image of God in Greek) each member joins a growth group which is a small group that meets in homes throughout the week.  They provide a list of quite a few growth groups with the notion that you would visit a lot of them until you find one that you most enjoy going to.  I was not looking forward to visiting a ton of groups for the next few months because I just really wanted to find a group quickly and start making friends and feeling connected.  Visiting a ton of groups was causing me quite the amount of anxiety.

Michael has been unemployed since November 30 and adding more anxiety on top of that already anxiety provoking situation seemed so daunting to me.  When we are anxious what are we to do?

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication make your requests known to God..." Philippians 4:6 

So, we began to pray for God to direct our steps and lead us into the right group and help us connect...and to take away the anxiety we were feeling about leaving one church for another. So much anxiety...just take it away!

We found a group one Thursday night and decided to check it out.  The people were all super friendly and we enjoyed the way the group was run.  But then God showed me that He had led us to the perfect group.  We were sitting in the group and were asked to talk about "evidences of God's grace" to us during the week.  Each person told of some way that God had blessed them that week, or even told of challenges they were facing and how God was still ever present in those challenges.  (Being a Christian does not fully mean life is rosy 24/7). As people were sharing evidences of God's grace and I was thinking of what I possibly had to share because life is horrible and Michael doesn't have a job and we are having to worry about provisions, and so forth... a gal leaned forward revealing to me a piece of art on canvas hanging on the wall behind her.  It was this picture:

Don't you know I immediately knew God was there.  In my trial, in that house prompting me that this is where we were to be.  Reminding me that He is our provision and that life is NOT horrible because look at all the evidences of My grace that is ALL AROUND YOU!

The following week I spent the whole week focusing on God's daily graces to me and my family and not thinking about the "negative" things.  We had growth group that week at another member's house and lo and behold, she had a picture of a bird in her bathroom. That bathroom then became a holy room to me as I thanked God for showing me His presence and thanking Him for changing my mindset to one that focuses on blessings.

I love ALL the places God shows up. I'm looking forward to spring when birds will be everywhere!  Isn't God good?!

Come and see...

Exactly a year ago, I wrote a blog heralding the amazing thing God had done in giving Michael a fabulous job in an amazing Christian company making a great salary!  A job that came to him without him even looking for it. God fighting for us behind the scenes and giving us exactly what we needed at that moment, all in His sovereignty and timing.  When I posted it for friends to read, I wrote "Come and see what God has done." Because, hey, we all want to see the amazing ways in which God provides, right?

Fast forward a year later to when that job was taken from Michael after new management eliminated his position without any warning. I still want friends to read this and think, "Come and see what God has done."

God leads me to Habakkuk right now. Habakkuk prayed in complaint wanting God to judge the wicked.  Wanting to know why evil abounds and why God allows it? Habakkuk 1:5 gives God's reply, 

"Look at the nations and watch and be utterly amazed.  For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." 

Sounds a lot like "Come and see what God will do"...right?  Sounds like God is going to get them out of this evil mess and make everything happy rainbows again.  Except it wasn't something wonderful and warm and fuzzy that God was going to do that would utterly amaze him.  He was going to bring destruction on His people and judge them using their enemies to enslave them in order to get rid of the wicked.  The things that will "utterly amaze" us are not always things we consider to be "amazing". Sometimes they are painful and confusing to us.  But they are done to bring glory to the matchless name of God and that is always AMAZING...regardless of how it's done.

So we are vulnerably showing you the "utterly amazing" thing God has done in allowing Michael to be laid off of a great job.  We are allowing you to walk with us as we pray to not lose our home, as we wait on God's provisions for a new career, as we walk through happy holidays with a saddened spirit, as we try to live by faith and NOT fear.  We know God will be glorified through this utterly amazing turn of events.  We don't understand it, but we know God promises good for us and He will always be faithful.

Living in the promise of Ephesians 3:20, "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."

Come along with us and see what God has done!

Seven

November 30, 2010.  Michael's official last day of work with the US Air Force.

November 30, 2017.  Michael's last day working at Majestic Kitchen and Bath Creations...a job that God lovingly dropped in his lap a year ago when he desperately needed a job.  And a job he thought he would be working at for many years to come.

With a new job and a new income in our path, we purchased a large home with room to expand a hospitality ministry, take in foster children, bring over exchange students, house seminary students, and so forth.  The ideas were endless and still flow through our mind rampantly!  Our new income helped us give generously to family, to those in need, and to different mission trips and ministries where God led us to give.  It helped to fund his last year of seminary, which he graduates from in one week.

We are still unsure why the layoff occurred.  Michael had been doing a great job managing people, giving selflessly to his company, going in after hours to complete tasks to make the company better, giving people raises who needed to better support their families, giving advice to young workers who needed help with budgeting and getting better living situations, building relationships amongst employees to better the work environment.  So, when he was called in and laid off due to company restructuring, it was quite the kick in the gut.  Now, we sit today, still dumbfounded trying to make sense of something that isn't going to make sense.  We are trying to determine if all God has given to us will now disappear or if God will do something miraculous and continue our vision forward.  We are to the point where THE only option is for God to come through.  I have cried to him for 24 hours now and laid my heart bare.  Michael is walking with such faith, that God brought us here and will NOT leave us stranded.  We literally are walking blind with what is next.  I have strong faith, but this...this is scary.

But the dive to the deep definitely makes you press into the arms of the Savior.  Not that we hadn't been in His presence already, but the deep, dark depths somehow make Him even more prevalent and real. And I'm happy to sit in the dark with His arms wrapped around me.  I'm happy to embrace this every time it happens to us.

Seven years ago, when Michael left the Air Force, we were unemployed for 6 months!  Dark, depths for 6 months.  But we never missed a house payment, we never went hungry, it was over Christmas and our kids still had gifts.  God showed up BIG time through the hands of fellow believers.  (If you want to read those AMAZING stories, go back to when I first started my blog in 2010).  Not sure why 7 years later we are here again.  But I know it is for God's glory and for our good.  And that's all that matters to me.  Seven is the biblical number for "completion". Not sure what we've completed, but I can't wait for God to reveal it!

This little story below "showed up" on my newsfeed 7 years ago during the exact same trial.  It was written by comedian Jon Acuff, whom I adore!   And of course, it showed up again today in my memory feed.  So, I wanted to share it today with all the "deja vu" that's going on in our life today!  :)

"A few months ago, my five year old, McRae told me, “The biggest number I know of is 26.” At the end of her understanding of numbers was the number 26. In her mind, that was really how big numbers come. If you wanted to describe how far the moon was from earth, probably about 26 miles. Want to say how long it felt to wait for Christmas to get here? It was like 26 minutes! Number of pieces of candy she estimates she got for Halloween? 26. It’s her biggest number. Until that is, I told her about 27. And blew her mind. 

She’s not great at “sizing” things. But that’s OK, she’s 5. She’s pretty sure fairies are real. She’s convinced every dog in the world would like to meet her. The other day at Costco she saw a man with a white beard and proceeded to yell to everyone in the store, “Santa is shopping here today! He. Is. Here. Today!!” That’s OK behavior for her. She’s just a kid. She’s little. 

But oddly enough, she’s not the only one who tends to get sizes all twisted. She’s not the only one who tends to “under size.” In fact, I think lot of us do that, especially when it comes to God. I learned this last year when the Stuff Christians Like community raised money to build a kindergarten in Vietnam. On a random Monday, I asked readers to help me raise $30,000 and that honestly made me nervous. It’s weird to ask for money. It changes your intimacy levels. It’s like actually holding hands during couples skate at Roller Kingdom in Hudson, Massachusetts. Sure, you might skate around in circles with Stacy Valentino listening to Bobby Brown’s “Tender Roni,” but holding hands is a whole nother level. (That example got really specific and 7th gradery.) But it’s true, asking for money is awkward, which is why pastors do the money disclaimer when they preach. They start their sermon by saying, “I never normally preach about money, I never preach about tithing, except today.” And that’s always the Sunday your neighbor or coworker finally agreed to come to church with you. Your friend always comes on the money Sunday or the day the mime group, “Gloves of Love” is there to perform. 

So I was anxious about asking for money. And I honestly thought it would take us 6 weeks to raise $30,000. But if you’ve read this site for a while, you know that was not the case. We raised all $30,000 in a matter of 18 hours. It took us less than a day to complete the entire campaign and I realized I had been like McRae with the number 26. 

Here’s what I essentially said to God before the project started: “God, you are massive. You are huge. You made the universe and created all space and time. You are without end! But, you are slightly less big than $30,000. You’re like a really solid $29,000 God. And that’s awesome. I mean that’s pretty good. I think you’re almost all powerful, you’re just not $30,000 powerful.” 

Have you ever done that? Have you ever been faced with what felt like an insurmountable challenge and in the midst of that, you’ve worshiped a really small God? Have you ever prayed something like: “God, you are gigantic. You rule the universe. You’re just not as big as my college application process. You are slightly too small to handle that.” 

Or “God, I love you. You are massive and supreme. You are huge, except you’re not big enough to handle my divorce. You are smaller than this experience.” 

Or “God, you are like the real He-Man, you are master of the universe! You are so big and so all knowing, except you probably don’t know how to handle my job search. You’re big, you’re just slightly tinier than my unemployment.” 

No one would actually prays those words, but that’s what flows from our heart when we allow doubt to set up shop. That’s how we live when we feel like we’ve got to force things to happen or they never will. That’s what happens when we under size God. The truth is, God is bigger than $30,000. God is bigger than a divorce. God is bigger than unemployment. God is bigger than a teen daughter who swears she doesn’t love you. God is bigger that money problems. God is bigger than our biggest dreams. 

And I thank God that he is. I think sometimes we want him to be pocket-sized and manageable. I’ve heard people say things like, “I want a God who can explain to me why bad things happen to good people.” I understand that frustration, I do, but here’s the thing. I don’t want a God who ever has to fit within my understanding. I don’t want a God who is limited by mind and my experiences. I want a big God. A God that spans generations and space and time. 

I don’t want a God who needs my approval or comprehension to do something big. This holiday season, as the birth of Christ is remembered, let’s celebrate our big God. Let’s honor a huge, wild, unable to be controlled by our small minds God. He’s bigger than that thing you worried about or dreamt about."

All the Way

It is never boring when you follow Christ.  Michael and I have learned this well, but now God is passing those lessons down to our children.  Alex is the recipient of this most recent lesson, and man, is she blessed!

Alex has been at Heritage High School for the past three years and was looking forward to completing her senior year at her beloved school with her friends.  She is a student who is loved by her teachers and other staff members; she is kind and loving to underclassmen even taking some under her wing to mentor them; she thrives in her choral program and is a blessing to her choir teacher keeping her classroom organized and working with younger singers to help teach them; she was about to launch into the theater program and get her feet wet in the world of drama.

But all this came to a screeching halt September 18th.  We had moved outside of Heritage's district, which is a highly coveted district in this area.  She was told she could stay for her senior year, but only if we paid tuition.  We were very willing to do so, but the cost would be $4500 and had to be paid in full that week.  Alex's principal and counselors fought for her in front of the school board and superintendent to allow us an extension to pay the exuberant fee, but they denied that request, so she had to leave her beloved school and all her hopes and dreams for her senior year behind.  It was kind of like running full force into a glass wall and hearing the glass shatter around you.  She was absolutely broken.

God, in His infinite wisdom and care for His children, was not caught by surprise at this turn of events.  Remember her last day was on September 18? Well, on September 19th was the mandatory meeting for seniors and their families to graduate with our Christian homeschool association, Lighthouse.  They were so full of grace to allow her in to graduate with them and made her instantly feel a part of their group. Perfect timing!

We have been focusing on all the good things about this transition, even though it wasn't her first choice.  God's ways are higher and better and He wants nothing but GOOD for us!  Even in the times when it doesn't feel so good.  Alex is finally at peace with the situation and knows it is all for God's glory, even though some days are still hard.  We are battling isolation at this point as she feels alone most days because she is a highly social person!  But her choral teacher has allowed her to come visit her frequently at school and is allowing her some benefits of still feeling a part of her choir program.

Through this trial, as He always does, God is drawing Alex closer and closer to Him.  In church a few weeks ago we sang an old hymn modernized by Chris Tomlin, "All the Way My Savior Leads". I watched Alex stand there with tears streaming down her face as she felt the absolute love of her Father in the words of that old hymn written by Fanny Crosby in 1875.  God's love reaches through the generations!

"All the way my savior leads me, what have I to ask beside?
How could I doubt his tender mercy?  Who through life has been my guide.
All the way my savior leads me, and cheers each winding path I tread?
Gives me grace for every trial, feeds me with the living bread.
You lead me.  And keep me from falling.
You carry me close to your heart.
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me."  ~Chris Tomlin's version of the hymn

This song comes to mind almost daily as I pray for my daughter and for God to continue to work His goodness in her life.  A sweet friend of mine who frequently checks on Alex (even though she's never even met her) sent me a message today with the words of this hymn and told me to listen to it.
Now if that's not GOODNESS and MERCY then I don't know what is. God is real. God speaks when you open your heart to listen.  He cares about every little detail of our lives.

My daughter won't have the senior year she was anticipating, but God has something so much better in store for her.  I'm so excited that I have ringside seats this year to watch it unfold!  And as my small group leader Bill Lewis said in his teaching of Psalm 23...our sheepdogs, Goodness and Mercy, will be following us all the days of our lives.

Where to begin?!  It's gonna be long, so brace yourselves!

Seven years ago, the Corsar family embarked on a grand adventure. We laid everything down at the feet of Jesus and agreed to follow in obedience wherever He might lead.  Michael got out of the Air Force and God began doing the most amazing things.  Feel free to read blog post after blog post dating back to when it all began if you are not familiar with our journey.  I used to like to write these blogs to shock people and make them surprised at what God is capable of.  Now, it's pretty much just how it is, and it's the coolest thing ever, but I don't use it for shock value anymore.  I use it to glorify the greatness of our God!  Because everything is life is for His glory ALONE!

So you must understand first and foremost, this particular post is not to boast in any way about any Corsar.  It is to boast in the amazing love of a Father who likes to give good gifts to His children and Who blesses those who bless Him.

In 2013, God called Michael to "Go." That particular "go" meant go to seminary.  That was the original calling.  So, we dropped it all when He led us to Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest, NC.  Of course, our human mindedness pops in and tries to figure out what God must have next for us.  "Well, if we are at seminary, it must mean he is to work in church ministry".  Nope. "Well, we are almost done with seminary, so we must need to start looking for jobs in other places because we are not FROM North Carolina, so surely God will move us closer to our family." Nope. The questions come in droves from everyone with human minds like us wanting to know the next step. "What are you going to do after you graduate?  A Masters of Divinity in Theology, what are you going to do with that?"

All those questions made us think we really needed to be "doing" something.  After God closed the door of church ministry on us, we still prayed for what was next.  That was when God led Michael to lead a company called Majestic Marble and Glass where he is literally thriving and using his God given gifts in the most amazing way!  He has found his ministry.

It was at this point we decided this must be where God is choosing to plant us for now. Making extra money, we figured we would move out of our tiny rent house and see what we could purchase.  I really didn't want to start looking at real estate because it really wears you out as there are SO many houses to choose from in this area.  Michael would look online every night and see if he could find any homes that stuck out to him. We had a budget of what we could afford, but he sometimes likes to look at what else is out there. So, before we got really serious into this home process, we prayed that if this was out of God's will, to immediately slam the doors shut in our face. And we meant hard...slam it hard...don't keep us wondering.

So, even though we had a budget, there was a super amazing house that caught Michael's eye and he called up our realtor and just asked if we could go look at it.  It was a custom built home with top of the line EVERYTHING in it.  It was valued at $500,000.  Totally out of our budget, but we thought it would just be fun to look at.

Now time for a side note: God has given us a strong desire for some sort of a "hospitality ministry". The details of that are not yet clear, but it would entail hosting students from Ukraine where Alex and Michael have a strong passion to serve, hosting missionaries on furlough from the mission field, hosting Seminary students who need a bed for a weekend class...the possibilities are endless.

As we were looking at this half a million dollar home, God flooded our minds with hospitality ideas. The basement is perfect, once finished, to make those ideas a reality. There was the most amazing peace while we literally drooled over the intricacies of this home. Alex and Evan immediately claimed their rooms, started talking about where they would put things, and from that point forward called it "our house". This was before Christmas and we were in NO rush to find a house through the holidays.

After Christmas, our realtor said the seller's realtor had been calling wanting to gauge our interest as we were the only people who had come to see the house that had been on the market for 60 days. At that point, we realized this was a possible open door, so we prayed heavily for God to slam it, and proceeded to walk through it.

A set of custom homes by an amazing builder had been built on a golf course. After about 14 of those homes were built, the builder pulled out and a "not-as-amazing builder" came in and bought the subdivision building homes that were non comparable. Due to this unfortunate practice, the prices of the custom homes were not able to hold their value.  Therefore, this $500,000 home was being sold for $400,000. Well, unfortunately $400,000 is still out of our price range, so we considered this a closed door.  Our realtor encouraged us to offer what we could and see if they would take it. So we prayerfully offered our absolute top dollar of $350,000.

And guess what?!  They accepted it!

They accepted it, y'all!!  If I could post a picture of our absolute STUNNED faces, I would. 

God has since placed a retired carpenter in our paths who is dying to help us finish the basement so our ministry can begin! If that doesn't tell you God is good, then I don't know what would get through to you.

Now...God is not good because He gave us a $500,000 home for a fraction of the cost.  God is good simply because He is good.  His Goodness comes in many ways! He has been good to us even when we couldn't afford to put food on the table. He has been good to us when our power got shut off a few years ago.  He has been good when my husband with a Masters degree was washing windows and selling mattresses to support his family. He has been good in putting Michael in the career path He had chosen for him before we even knew we would come to NC. He has been good even when we were doing what we thought He wanted us to do. We are living in the blessings of obedience. My small home was a blessing and will still be a blessing, but now my larger home can help us to bless others as well!

Michael, Becky, Alex and Evan have done NOTHING to deserve this blessing.  This is NOTHING of us. We are simply following orders and walking on the path God has set before us.

I told you it would be long, but that's about it. We started our journey, which has been a trial period, in February 2010. Seven years later (a number of completion) on March 1, 2017, we truly feel redeemed.  We feel we've "passed" and maybe have reached the Summit. There is even a crazy rain storm headed this way which symbolizes renewal and rebirth, according to my literature loving daughter. The lesson has been the journey, but now we are super excited to see where this particular path will lead!

Thanks for traveling with us!

Where we are. 2016 Edition.

2016 has been a whirlwind year!  Here on the east coast we are prevalent to hurricanes, so maybe it's been more like being in a hurricane than a whirlwind...but nonetheless.

Year 3 of seminary. Michael will be done either Spring of 2017 or will slow roll a few more classes until December of 2017. He's not in a rush, just obediently wants to finish. God called him to "go to school." That was the extent of the call. We have been listening, cleaning our ears out when we think maybe we've gone deaf, seeking, searching for God's call for the 3 years we've been here.  But every time the answer is just "go and stay focused on school." Michael will tell you that he's learned more about God in these 3 years than in his whole life combined. And not just book learning in classrooms at seminary, but learning through living a life walking in obedience will teach you a thing or two about your Savior as well.

We've learned that theology is hard. There are some hard truths that are just that....hard. Living for God is not easy, either. Sometimes people haven't understood why we would "choose" to live this way. Sacrificing, being uncomfortable, laying down that stubborn pride, putting God over things in life that would be much more fun or socially acceptable. We live in a really small house because we can afford it, we have at times lived on only pasta and PB &J, we've had to rely on our parents and others to help us with certain financial needs, we've had our power shut off (though only briefly as the paycheck came as soon as the power got shut off), Michael has worked some extremely odd jobs to make ends meet, we've had some hard trials to muddle through.

Michael has worked at our church for 2 of the 3 years we've lived in NC. God recently made it clear that wasn't where we were supposed to be right now. "Go to school" was the original call. We always try to step in and make things happen because we "think" that's what God is wanting. Instead of waiting patiently for Him to reveal it to us. So Michael stepped back from ministry in that venue to focus on school. Scary time for us because we have bills to pay. But, obedience.

(Okay, put on your seatbelt because this is where the hurricane starts sweeping us away! )...

Michael calls up a godly man in our small group named Danny.  He just wants to talk to Danny and glean wisdom on how to deal with the way things are going in our life.  They meet for chips and sweet tea at Moes. Danny asks Michael about past experiences he has in the work force, the Air Force, education, etc. As they are talking, Danny pulls out his phone and starts texting. "Man, that's rude" Michael thought, but "hey, he's a busy guy". After a few minutes of texting in between talking, Danny asks Michael if he's free for an interview the next day. Danny had been texting his business partner to tell him God has answered their prayers. Danny goes on to tell Michael that his company, Majestic Marble and Glass, has been looking for a guy with Michael's EXACT qualifications to lead a division in their company through structural and process change. (Michael has a Masters degree in Operations Management from University of Arkansas, by the way, which was what launched him into the Air Force before his call to ministry) They haven't only been "looking" for this perfect guy, they've been earnestly praying for God to bring this guy to them. Michael reiterates that he's finishing up seminary and that has to be his first priority right now, which Danny wholeheartedly agrees to. "You can work for me in between classes and just do your job when it is best suits your schedule."

Interview goes great, he's hired on the spot making double what he had been making the 3 years we've been in NC. A little room to wiggle and breathe and get out of these life preservers that's just keeping our heads above water?! WHY, YES! The timing of the pay increase went along perfectly with some other things God has placed on our hearts to start looking into. God's provisions for ministry that He has placed on our hearts. As my cousin, Schanon, once said, "If something is God's will, then it's also His bill."

Michael has now been working at Majestic Marble and Glass for the past few months. He loves everyone he works with and they all absolutely love him back. He is a gifted leader and he is leading well.  His job was to find waste in the company and scale that back so overhead wasn't so high. He was able to find hundreds of thousands of dollars being wasted that he saved the company. Michael is also a relationship guy and loves people deeply. His love is across the board for the lowest paid employee to the highest. Now he's doing ministry in a whole new way! The owner of this division has a son who has grown to dearly love Michael like a brother. Within the past few weeks, the owner has been talking with Michael about taking over this division of the company. He had been praying for a man of God to walk alongside his son to mentor him in the business world, help him with relationships, and teach him to be a good leader. The son will own the business, but Michael will run it and work alongside the son to teach him and mentor him. This has now raised his income to over three times what we started off with when we moved to seminary.

Money is now available to us to help those in need who God shows us to help, to go on mission, to finish paying for school because his GI bill runs out after this semester, to give, and to start putting away for the ministry that God has laid on our hearts. After years of having little, God has blessed us with more than we deserve.

My small group leader said in class last week, "God doesn't always pull us out of the water and the waves, sometimes He just swims alongside us." We have been swimming with God and His presence since we started this journey of obedience in 2010. For the time being, He has pulled us out of the waves, but we are fully prepared to go back in at any time that He wants us to.

If you know the Corsars, you know I do not write this blog to brag. That is the farthest notion. I write it to show the goodness of our God...in want and in plenty. The faithfulness of God...in trial or ease. The provisions of God. The legacy of the family I was born into is Jehovah Jireh, the God Who Provides, and He has shown Himself to be that to our family time and time again.

This portion of our journey is one I am SO excited to start. We thought we'd soon be leaving Raleigh, NC, but it looks like we'll be staying for a while. God has work for us to do on His earth right here for now. And our heart for Ukraine has been pricked, so we are excited to see what God does with that!  So many doors are being propped open for us to walk through.

"Go to school. Learn obedience. Walk with God." That's where we are. We cherish everyone who has supported us, prayed for us, listened to us, and disciplined us. The family of God is GREAT!


"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He cares about every little detail of their lives." 
~Psalm 37:23

Edge of 17

This girl. I love snapping candid photos of her when she can't be "posed". To me, it shows her absolute, natural beauty.

I was picking her up from McDonald's after her school's homecoming dance. She and her date had danced until they were exhausted and had walked over to McDonald's to get fries and milkshakes and rest their tired feet. Her sparkly high heels are a signature Alex piece, but may not be great dancing shoes.  :)

I text her to tell her I'm here to pick them up.  Her boyfriend goes in to the bathroom so she's standing there waiting for him when I pull into a parking spot.  It was at this exact moment, the song by Big Daddy Weave "My Story" begins to play. As I watch her sweet innocence standing there listening to these lyrics, tears begin to flow down my cheeks.

This girl, in her sparkly pink dress holding her sparkly, glittery high heels...is a warrior. She's been through so much and had so many things knock the wind out of her, but she gets up gracefully each time, learns a hard, life lesson, straightens her crown and moves forward. In her life, things don't come easily for her. It's her story to tell, and I've shared it on my blog in the past. The things she's overcome in the past 3 years have been truly inspiring and amazing.

So as I hear the words of the song play, "If I told you my story, you would hear hope that wouldn't let go. You would hear love that never gave up." The story you would hear is the story of how Jesus chose her, saved her, pulled her from the pit, set her feet on steady ground. And what a story it is! My favorite line as I sat there watching her was "If I told you my story, you would hear victory over the enemy. You would hear life overcome the grave!" AND WHERE MERCY WINS.

She's a warrior because she is winning her battle. Mercy has won.

She turns 17 this weekend. Her life is an absolute light in darkness. She has learned to trust God even when He makes no sense. No one can ever believe she's only 17 because of her maturity. I can't even express in mere words how proud I am of her. As amazing as she is, she has never won a Student of the Month award. As amazing a singer as she is, she rarely gets chosen and she waits patiently in the wings for God to give her a platform for her gift. But grace and mercy win. Her character matters more than any awards or auditions.

Happy Birthday, my sparkly, glittery warrior. I sit in awe of you. And I want to be like you when I grow up.

Ocean Epiphany

Our family took a little break by the ocean. It was nice to just sit there and watch the ocean in all its vastness, listen to the peaceful crashing waves, watch the seagulls soar through the air.

My husband and my daughter are very adventurous.  They swim out pretty far in the waters.  My son and I are not too adventurous and prefer to sit by the shore and just wade out a little bit.  For some reason we both have this fear of things touching us in the water and Evan has a deep fear of sharks.  He used to be obsessed with them as a child and read all kinds of books about them, so his fears aren't too unfounded.  He does know the research that shark bites are pretty rare, but the possibility still scares him.

So Alex and a friend were swimming out pretty far catching waves on their boogie boards.  Laughing and splashing and having much fun.  I sat on the shore and watched Evan holding tight to his boogie board standing with the water barely above his knees, fearful to walk out as far as they were.  Michael and I watched him for about 20 minutes as he stood paralyzed with fear to join them.

It made my heart so sad to see him afraid.  Michael finally got up and walked out to him and stood next to him with his arm around him watching the others play.  Then Michael slowly nudged Evan on his back pushing him out a little further.  He was eventually on his dad's back out as far as the others playing in the waves and having fun.  He wouldn't let Michael leave his side, and as long as his dad was with him, he was brave.

At that moment, this phrase in the Hillsong song "Oceans" came to mind: "Your grace abounds in deepest waters, Your Sovereign hand will be my guide.  Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You've never failed and You won't start now."

I then thought about how many times I've stood paralyzed with the fear of the unknown.  Standing there watching others be courageous and brave and adventurous while I stand aside too afraid to move forward.  Then my heavenly Father puts His arms around me and slowly nudges me in the direction where He intends for me to go.  He is the one who gives me courage and moves me along.  And He NEVER leaves my side.

The ocean is such a cathartic experience.  It was literally "church" for me every day we sat there.  As I thought about how God's love for me is "more than the drops in the ocean", a fabulous song by Hawk Nelson.  Every time we hit an "unknown" in our life...which seems to be a lot...I know God is right there with us.  The unknown used to scare the life out of us, but it's getting easier.  I guess that means we are growing.  God knows everything (1 John 3:20) and nothing is "unknown" to Him, so therefore, nothing is unknown to me.

What a perfect visual picture seared into my mind as we are called out onto the waters.