Two years. It began with heartache, embarrassment, a crushing of the spirit. In the middle of it, that all turned to humility and an outpouring of God's love in so many ways! Toward the end, we are faith-filled, REDEEMED, and wanting nothing in our life unless it contains eternal value!
Today the word that fills my heart and mind is the word, "Faithful". Through the darkest of dark, God was right beside us and faithful. Through the breaking of our spirits, God was faithful to not ever walk away and leave us hanging. Through the waiting on God, although we sometimes felt He was silent, He was still faithful and right there. Through the waiting, we serve and sit back and watch God faithfully provide our every need. A two year journey. That seems short in comparison to the Israelites and their 40 years in the desert. But it has felt like an eternity! And Michael even has grey in his beard to prove it! :)
Not that I'm writing to say our journey is over. I'm not convinced that our journey will ever be over. I am writing to say that Chapter 2 is now beginning to be written. I am humbled and overcome with emotion as I listen to this song that reminds me of God's faithfulness!
Sometimes what seems like the end of your life is actually a bright, beautiful, God-breathed beginning! Hoping you'll follow us through Chapter 2. We appreciate your faithfulness in reading the craziness of Chapter 1! :)
These are some words that have defined the life of the Corsars the past few years. God has just constantly shown us that He is our provider. Have faith, Corsars, and Jehovah Jireh will provide everything you NEED!
Since a wreck totaled our car a month or so ago, we've been in prayer that God would help us find an inexpensive vehicle because we really don't want any car payments right now. We have a specific budget, want a specific kind of van, and really, I want any color except white. I live in the white tundra...I don't want my car to be white, too. We check Craigslist every day for our vehicle. We drive through all the car lots at night to see what might be out there just for us. We have even looked in Maryland and Arkansas where both our parents live. We've been pretty diligent. But just haven't found the right vehicle for us...YET.
Until yesterday. Our good friend, Jered, calls us and tells us he has a friend who is selling a van for $500. It's an older vehicle, but this friend of his really just wants to bless someone with it! Oh, and it's white. I figure it's best not to scoff at God's blessings. Even if they don't fit what I think I want. So, we test drive it, thank God for this great blessing, and go to offer the guy our $500. He then changes his mind and says, "You know what? I want you guys to just have it." WHAT? "Yeah, just take it. When you are done with it, bless someone else." Talk about paying it forward! This van had been given to them in a time of need, and they wanted to do the same with it.
So, we stand in this stranger's front yard with crocodile tears streaming down our faces. Michael gives him a great big hug...freaks the guy out a little. That's such a Michael thing to do. The older he gets, the sappier he gets. Just like my dad. I love that.
We get in the van to leave crying tears of joy and humility, and laughing because God has the biggest sense of humor. I was praying for anything other than a white van. God was reminding me there are more important things in life than the color (or style) of a vehicle. He was showing us how humbling and awesome it is to be on the receiving end of a blessing. We like to bless others and now we want to bless people more because we now know how AWESOME that feels! And the funniest part of this miracle has to do with the passenger side mirror.
Something that defines the Corsars is our ability to rip passenger side mirrors off of our vehicles. We've done it so many times it's comical. And it's only the passenger side. On our previous cars, we've ripped one off pulling out of the garage, one from backing into our other car...twice, and one from backing into the trashcan. ( And for the record, not ALL of those were Becky's fault. One was Michael's.) This van that God gave us, already has an issue with the passenger side mirror. We have laughed so much about God's sense of humor. I don't think I'm going to get that mirror fixed because it reminds me of how God pays attention to those little details in our life and brings them back to our attention just to show He's still there.
I hope this post has made you believe in miracles. Who just gives another person a car? A stranger no doubt. Every time we drive by this stranger's house, we pray big huge blessings over it. After the bear hug that Michael lavished on this man yesterday, the man stated, "I know we aren't family, but we are family in Christ! And family helps each other out." Are you allowing God to use your hands, feet, heart & whatever else He may be asking to use to bless a family member in Christ?!
Our miracle isn't over. God has other miracles in store for us. Miracles to prove that He is our provider. Miracles to strength our faith. Miracles to absolutely WOW my children. We are just continuing to be diligent, seeking God's hand, looking to see where we can be a blessing, and keep walking forward. He may not give us exactly what we ask for, but it works. And He knows best. Here's a picture of a miracle...in case you've never seen one.
I've posted time and time again about the amazing provisions of God. Something I'm a little passionate about as of late. When we think of "provisions" we usually think financially. We think of tangible things that God provides for us. But I learned today that God also provides for us in non-financial ways. I guess it's emotional ways that I have now seen His hand of provision.
We have 2 sets of really good friends who have recently left our church. Various reasons have just sent them out to minister in other churches, which is fine. But I miss those friends dearly! It just becomes harder to stay connected to friends when you don't see them every week. We used to go out to lunch with these friends after church and spend time during the week together at church activities. They became fixtures in my life that I relied on and loved being around because they filled my life with positive energy! They encouraged me and prayed for me.
For the past week I have really been grieving the "loss" of these friends. We've had them each over for dinner since our lives have gone on different paths, but just not the same constant contact as before. God is writing different stories for each of us, and I'm just a little bummed that our stories have to go in different directions. So, I was thinking heavily about each friend and praying for them. I emailed each of them to let them know I missed them and wanted to see them! So, coffee dates are in order with each. Then God allows me to run into one of them today! I never run into them in town, but God knew my heart needed that contact and He gave it to me. He provided a moment with a friend for me today because He knew my heart needed that.
After that connection, God let me in on a little secret. These friends I am referring to have always been on the same wavelength as Michael and I. Our stories and testimonies have always been very similar. God is doing almost identical things in our lives. Today, God revealed to me, that sometimes He has to "spread the wealth". We were all in the same circle of influence with the same "story" of what God has been doing in our lives. God wanted to increase that circle of influence. So, He sent these friends to a new circle of influence so more people could hear the amazing story of our God! He's providing for others' emotional needs by putting us all in different positions. So, even though I miss my constant contact with my good friends, I'm okay with the reason we are on different roads. I know someday I'll be spending eternity with them, so why have a pity party about a few measly years on earth. I'll serve where I am placed and I'll be okay with them serving where God has placed them.
Things make sense when God show us what He's up to.
God keeps reminding me lately to simply trust Him! Through all the crazy that keeps happening my life? How can I trust you, God? Did you see what happened to my car? Do you see the inconvenience that is going on in my life because of the accident? Why do you keep adding suffering to my life? I'm working hard and serving You, so why do bad things keep happening to me?
So, God replies to me, "You told me I could have every piece of your life. So, you need to trust Me with it."
In my chronological Bible reading the other day, which always conveniently lines up with my life, I was reading in Job. Job comes after Genesis chronologically...weird. Job had suffered and was ranting about why all this is happening to him. He is looking for God, but can't seem to find Him. But then Job realizes this awesome truth that God needed me to read as well in Job 23:10-14, "But He knows where I am going. And when He tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. For I have stayed on God's paths; I have followed His ways and not turned aside. I have not departed from his commands, but have treasured His words more than daily food. But once He has made His decisions, who can change his mind? What He wants to do, He does. So He will do to me whatever He has planned, He controls my destiny."
Then God reminds me again today with this little nugget send by a good friend who had to up and leave Grand Forks for warmer climates. She said it reminded her of me, and I have to agree. I hope it reminds you, too, of where ALL of our trust should lie.
"You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about.....
Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house.
The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.
As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.
Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts. Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny. He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?
Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value. A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this? 'Look at it,' he said. 'Read what it says.' She read the words ' United States of America .' 'No, not that; read further.' 'One cent?' 'No, keep reading.' 'In God we Trust?' 'Yes!' 'And... ?'
He explained, 'And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him. Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as my response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful! '
When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, 'In God We Trust,' and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message.
It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient.
Okay. I have to brag on how great our God is! And of course, that can't be done without bearing my soul and laying it all out there, so here goes.
I'm sure most of you have read or heard that we were in a car accident which totaled my car. Bummer because it was such a good car, and it was paid off. We weren't expecting to get another car any time soon. Our finances are already stretched beyond stretching since Michael is making only about half what he used to make in the Air Force. Get a new job, you say? Well, he's right where God wants him and he's doing exactly as God has told him to do, so we have to be okay with the limited funds, and we have to rely fully on God to provide for us. When God's ready to give him another job, he'll take it, but until then....here we serve.
I was praying just yesterday and "reminding" God that we were in need of some extra money. In case you haven't noticed, God, we have to get another vehicle. Oh, also, God, I need some dental work really soon and that's going to cost a pretty penny which we just don't have. And God, I'm trying to raise my daughter to love and serve you, so there's this conference we are going to in April, and we need to start putting away money for that. God? Did you get all that? After that prayer, the entire day I was bombarded with lessons from God about His provisions. It was in my bible study. It was in my chronological bible reading for the day (weird how that happened). It was on the radio a few times. I think God heard me.
So, today, I go outside to get the mail. Amidst the Oriental Trading Company catalogs and junk mail, there is a letter. Handwriting I'm not too sure of and an address in Arkansas so I know it's friends of my parents. I open to find the sweetest card with a check for $100 from some people I love dearly and have known my whole life! And not only money, but some encouraging words that what we are doing in Grand Forks is exactly what God wants us to be doing. I won't say their name because I know they like to give without any fanfare. Apparently God had already been working in their heart to help answer my prayer before I even prayed it. Wowzers. God is so stinkin' good. And sneaky, He is. I love that about him!
If God is ever stirring in you to give to someone or do to something for someone, please do it! You may be the answer to someone's prayer. And what a blessing you would be! No one can ever tell me again that God won't provide. If God leads you to it, He'll lead you through it. That's my life motto. Lead on, oh God! Wherever You lead, I'll go!
Yesterday was rough. I have a preteen daughter who is pushing boundaries and trying to figure out life. If you've been there, you nod your head. If you aren't there yet, well, it's coming. I'm learning that I have to hold those boundaries tight and not loosen them at all if I want to raise a daughter who respects rules and authority. Some boundaries are fluid and we can change them as needed, but others are more important and set in stone.
Yesterday was a day I had to hold up the stone wall. Alex disobeyed and consequences had to be doled out. I had to pray myself through the whole discipline process because I was quite angry with the disobedience. I was disappointed and hurt by her actions. So, I had to get myself in check first. God gave me some good insight and let me know what to say to my child, who is also His child. After consulting Him, it made me realize that this parenting job really isn't that hard. As long as I'm in the Word and seeking God, He'll give me the wisdom needed to raise wonderful kids. But I don't have to do it alone. He intervenes with His child as well. That's the cool part.
Two times yesterday, Alex was taught lessons about the Ten Commandments. And the two that really spoke to her were, (1) You shall not lie, and (2) Honor your father and mother. Funny how God pulled those out for her to focus on. She was taught about them during chapel at school, then she was taught about them again last night at youth group at church. You don't usually get a double whammy on a particular topic like that, but God had a plan for her yesterday and it included driving those home to her little heart.
We helped her to relish in the fact that God spoke to her yesterday! How exciting! The consequences she's having to endure now aren't quite so bad because she had an experience with God. I love when God takes the bad and turns it into something good. He loves to do that to our family. I love that He's showing Himself to my children now. I know He's been doing it all along, but I love that they are finally beginning to see Him!!
So, my new years resolution is to read the Bible through this year. I have resolved that in the past and only made it to the book of Numbers. I've been told that getting through the Old Testament is a bit tough, but so is pushing yourself through a work out regimen or changing your diet. So, I'm pushing through. It's actually kind of funny (not funny, haha, but funny as in "the way God works and lets you know what you need to know when you need to know it" kind of way). Starting me back over was exactly what I needed. Maybe kind of the way God decided to start our life in Grand Forks over again in 2010 (see http://corsarfam4.blogspot.com/2010/08/starting-over-in-same-place.html for details). I think if we would learn the lessons as they came around the first time, maybe we wouldn't be forced to relive them like that movie Groundhog Day. Oh, that movie irritated me. Anyway, I digress.
We have been in a holding pattern for a while now. Still serving and moving forward inches at a time...being obedient where God tells us to be obedient. But not sensing any real direction from God as to what He wants us to be doing. Walking in faith and seeking God, but not yet knowing exactly what He wants from us. More specifically from Michael. Maybe we're being tested to see if we'll be faithful in the small things before given any other tasks? If you read my blogs, you know that Michael is currently in a job where he is miserable. We've been praying for God to move him from that job into something better. Something less stressful and less trying! Michael has always been a go-getter guy...a man who makes things happen the way he wants them to happen. That's why he was so successful in the Air Force...he made things happen. But that was also a trait that God was trying to (and eventually did) break in him.
Cue the supportive wife (me) who claims to have tons of faith. I encourage my husband, pray for him, help him through these hard, difficult times. But the other day, I snap a little. Yes, even I can snap. It happens to the best of us. I told Michael that I was tired of watching him be miserable and I wanted him to just make something happen! Waiting on God is obviously too challenging and he needs to just go fix all this and figure everything out so we can move forward! Not exactly my best work as a wife, I'll admit.
Leave it to my Father to reign me back in. So, I start re-reading Genesis in my Bible reading plan. And God really draws me into the story of Sarah and her lack of faith in God to provide a child for she and Abraham in their old age. Instead of trusting God to do things in His way on His timetable, she takes things into her own hands and causes Abraham to have a child with Hagar, her maidservant. She doesn't think God has thought this through well enough and needs her help in making His plan happen. HELLO! No, I'm not allowing Michael to run off with my maid (if I even had a maid), but I am giving him permission to go back to his old ways of making things happen and not trusting in God to provide for our family. God has taught me that I might claim to have faith in Him, but it's really a little lacking...it's based on my human reasoning. And thankfully, our God is WAY BIGGER than my human reasoning.
I want to have a bigger faith. One that indicates I am fully immersed in God and ONLY what He wants for our family. We're still in a holding pattern, because we still have things to learn here. Paul was in prison for approximately 5-6 years of his ministry. A holding pattern it may have seemed, but actually a time when he could still minister, still write, still have experiences with God. So, I'm starting over AGAIN. Back to square one. Building my faith a little stronger than before.
Are you still pushing forward? Anyone up to Numbers yet? :)
