This past Sunday I sat in church like a regular person. Not a staff person. Not a person who was in charge of anything. It was nice, but it was a little weird.
I've been struggling with what my identity will be when I am no longer "Mrs. Becky". I have been Mrs. Becky for so long! I know I'll live on in the minds of children as Mrs. Becky, but I don't know that I will be called that once we move on to our next chapter.
It's funny how your identity can be caught up in a name.
One of the people taking my place is named Cee Cee. I was telling her how much the kids would love Mrs. Cee Cee. She laughed and said, "I've never been called by my own name since I had children." She has always been 'so-and-so's' mom or 'so-and-so's' wife. She is excited to be identified as her own name!
Mrs. Becky takes on many meanings. It's a woman who loves kids, who loves to serve, who will do anything for anyone. Hearing that name makes kids feel comfortable and loved regardless of how they are treated anywhere else. Those are the things I have strived for in creating my identity.
But as I move on into new areas of ministry, I'm excited to see the identity that God will forge in me. It's not about me anymore, it's about God IN me.
I have decided that my identity now is "Child of the One True King". What that looks like I don't know, but I do know I will continue to strive to live as Mrs. Becky. I will also continue to strive to live as Christ. My new name is Redeemed, Worthy, Accepted, Loved.
Funny, but that's your name, too!
Friday, July 5, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Barbie Meltdown
Packing today was hard. Things got a little emotional for me.
I've been slowly packing for about a month now. I'll put some things in a box here and there. I'm okay with packing because I know I'm taking those particular items with me. Getting rid of some things has been easy...no emotional attachment to certain things. But today, sent me flailing over the edge.
We were packing up the toy room. When we moved here, we had shelves and shelves of toys. Bins of Hot Wheels, Barbies, Legos, board games, skateboard ramps, remote control cars, little lions and jungle animals. Well, my kids are no longer of an age to really play with those things anymore. We've slowly been weeding through toys over the years that they no longer want. Alex is really attached to her stuff, so we've held on to lots of her favorite toys of the past. Today, I went through the jungle animal box and kept only the lions that were once favored by my big cat enthusiast. Memories of my sweet little girl playing with her lions and tigers flooded my mind. We would hear constant growling and big cat sounds coming from her room. We'd peek in and lions would be devouring zebras. It's funny, but she would play that for hours.
Then, I moved to the Barbie box. Over the years, we've dwindled the Barbie collection down to about 15 Barbies. She stopped playing with Barbies a few years ago, but I just can't let them go. Plus friends' daughters play with them when they come to our house. So, I always had a reason to keep them. I asked Alex today if there were any particular Barbies she wanted to keep, but she was adamant that she was ready to let them go. I have a friend we can give them to, and she was okay with that option.
Michael grabbed the Barbie box and was about to put it aside in the give away pile. I jerked it away from him like I was grabbing for the last little bits of my daughter's childhood. I started sobbing over those Barbies and their clothes. I'm pretty sure I freaked my husband out just a little bit. But the memories of my sweet little girl were so strong that I just wanted to look through the Barbie box one last time. I then realized that when I leave Grand Forks, I am leaving my children, as children, behind. I am taking a pre-teen and a teenager with me to the next chapter of our life. Certain things are now just in my memories.
I welcome the adventure we are going on, but it still pains my heart a little for what I no longer have. Human nature, I guess. That'll always be something I fight. I now have one little Rubbermaid box of "memory toys" that I just can't part with. I know it's just stuff, but I'm really attached to some of that stuff!
Packing up my stuff and going through all of it has reminded me yet again of the blessings that fill my life. Blessings of great kids I had the privilege to raise. Blessings of the teenagers they are becoming and the joy they bring into my life. Grand Forks has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. When God puts you out in the middle of nowhere and dumps tons of snow and freezing temps on you, you learn how to find joy in Him. I'll miss this place SO much. But, it too, will live on in my memories. Blessed.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
News?
Everyone keeps asking if we know anything yet about where we are moving. NOPE. Nadda. Nothing.
Am I worried? Well, at times I let it worry me, but I'm getting really good at giving that worry back over to God. We are still moving forward. Our house has "sold"...that process takes a month or so, so at least we aren't homeless. My house is slowly getting packed up. We ordered the moving van, etc. But we are still in the dark about where we are going. Last we have heard is that it will be end of June now before we hear from the seminary boards. (Thanks to the Southern Baptist Convention convening this month).
My wise husband calmed me with some really great wisdom in regards to having to wait. I am still in charge of Thrive's children's ministry until June 23. The thought of giving that over to someone else is killing me, so I'll blog about that one when I come to peace with it. (See, it's a journey). But Michael helped me see that if God reveals NOW where we are to go, then mentally I'll check out of Grand Forks and all my responsibilities here, and I'll start viewing my new life in the new location. God still has plans for me here and I need to keep my focus on where I am planted until the uprooting process pulls my final roots.
Isn't that how we are with everything in our lives? When our kids are babies, we can't wait for them to sit up. Then we can't wait for them to walk. Then talk. Then drive. (Well, I'm not sure I'm looking forward to that one just yet!) It seems we are always looking ahead for the next best thing. At our jobs, we are always looking for the next promotion. The next step. God is teaching me now to enjoy the journey where it has taken me RIGHT NOW. Tomorrow is another day. God will be there waiting so I don't have to worry or fret. My God is a God who never forgets. He's holding my world in His hands. So, I'll just keep on being me and doing what I do. When God shows up with "orders", I'll be ready. But for now, I'm still firmly planted in Grand Forks.
"There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears." Philippians 1:6 The Message
Am I worried? Well, at times I let it worry me, but I'm getting really good at giving that worry back over to God. We are still moving forward. Our house has "sold"...that process takes a month or so, so at least we aren't homeless. My house is slowly getting packed up. We ordered the moving van, etc. But we are still in the dark about where we are going. Last we have heard is that it will be end of June now before we hear from the seminary boards. (Thanks to the Southern Baptist Convention convening this month).
My wise husband calmed me with some really great wisdom in regards to having to wait. I am still in charge of Thrive's children's ministry until June 23. The thought of giving that over to someone else is killing me, so I'll blog about that one when I come to peace with it. (See, it's a journey). But Michael helped me see that if God reveals NOW where we are to go, then mentally I'll check out of Grand Forks and all my responsibilities here, and I'll start viewing my new life in the new location. God still has plans for me here and I need to keep my focus on where I am planted until the uprooting process pulls my final roots.
Isn't that how we are with everything in our lives? When our kids are babies, we can't wait for them to sit up. Then we can't wait for them to walk. Then talk. Then drive. (Well, I'm not sure I'm looking forward to that one just yet!) It seems we are always looking ahead for the next best thing. At our jobs, we are always looking for the next promotion. The next step. God is teaching me now to enjoy the journey where it has taken me RIGHT NOW. Tomorrow is another day. God will be there waiting so I don't have to worry or fret. My God is a God who never forgets. He's holding my world in His hands. So, I'll just keep on being me and doing what I do. When God shows up with "orders", I'll be ready. But for now, I'm still firmly planted in Grand Forks.
"There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears." Philippians 1:6 The Message
Sunday, May 5, 2013
From the mouths of (babes) teens....
Sometimes teenagers can be highly annoying! They can be downright obnoxious. If you are the parent of a teen or if you work with teens, you know what I mean! But then, sometimes they can be the biggest blessings of your life.
God used an amazing group of teenagers this weekend to pierce the hearts of adults at Riverside Christian School's annual dinner theater. I'm assuming all the other adults in the room were as touched as I was, but I can only speak for myself. I knew the night was going to be good when the title of the one of the skits the kids were performing was titled, "More Coke". Since I'm a Coke addict, I knew I'd be in for a treat! Who says God can't use ANYTHING to speak to you?!
Lately I've been struggling. I've been struggling with the thought that God's blessings will eventually run out. I've lived a blessed life. There have been some ugly moments, but blessed still yet. Embarking on an adventure of giving it all up for God, I feel that His blessings are going to eventually cease and we are going to be screwed! Please tell me you have felt that way at some point in your life, too! I know I'm not alone here! I've also been struggling with the idea of a lost identity since I'll be giving up my job of being a children's minister when we move. That's been my identity for the past 6 years with my church. Well, let me tell you a little bit about how God met me through the mouths of teenagers in a dinner theater and cleared up any doubt that had been festering in my mind.
My daughter, a budding actress, was cast in a skit that will forever change our lives. She is on stage with Jesus talking to Him about how she has a hard time trusting Him. So, Jesus tells her to turn around and fall into his arms, you know..the Trust Fall? We've all had to do it at some team building event in our lifetime. So, she eventually falls backwards into Jesus' arms realizing how easy it is to trust Him when He's right there and you can see Him! Then Jesus tells her to face Him and now fall backwards. Her trust is then tested because no one is behind her to catch her! Why would I fall back Jesus? You are not there to catch me?! Trusting God when things He asks you to do don't make sense to you. Well, by the end of her act, Michael and I were at our seats with tears streaming down our face. Thank you, God, for speaking to us through our daughter. But also, thank you, God, for speaking to our daughter through that skit. That skit is what made her realize that moving away from her comfortable life in Grand Forks to go where God needs us next was the next trustworthy step. Wow. God works in such COOL ways! They aren't really mysterious...just extremely cool!
Other skits showed me that God's goodness is not going to run out. God is faithful and true and can be trusted over and over again. Another skit spoke volumes to me that whatever I have, God can use. My identity is found in what I give over to Him to use. My identity is not found in what I have BEEN for years, but it's found in what I offer up to Him to use. Tears, tears, blowing the nose, wiping the eyes. Get it together, Becky! Okay, a few breaths and I have it all together, until they start playing that song, "Your love never fails, it never gives up, IT NEVER RUNS OUT ON ME!!" Seriously, God? I just got over the tears and here they come again.
He is relentless in His pursuit of us. That relationship is what He is wanting from us. And He will do anything and everything to set us straight, to get us to trust Him, and to wrap His arms around us. Later that evening, my family was watching The Bible on DVD. Jesus goes up to a disciple and gives him a big bear hug. Alex says, "I'd love to have a Jesus hug." Tears again. I can be a blubbering fool! :) But I was just relishing in the fact that I had spent a whole evening in the midst of one big Jesus hug that those amazing teenagers delivered to me. Thank you, kids, for doing something that you'll never know the impact of. Man, God is so good.
God used an amazing group of teenagers this weekend to pierce the hearts of adults at Riverside Christian School's annual dinner theater. I'm assuming all the other adults in the room were as touched as I was, but I can only speak for myself. I knew the night was going to be good when the title of the one of the skits the kids were performing was titled, "More Coke". Since I'm a Coke addict, I knew I'd be in for a treat! Who says God can't use ANYTHING to speak to you?!
Lately I've been struggling. I've been struggling with the thought that God's blessings will eventually run out. I've lived a blessed life. There have been some ugly moments, but blessed still yet. Embarking on an adventure of giving it all up for God, I feel that His blessings are going to eventually cease and we are going to be screwed! Please tell me you have felt that way at some point in your life, too! I know I'm not alone here! I've also been struggling with the idea of a lost identity since I'll be giving up my job of being a children's minister when we move. That's been my identity for the past 6 years with my church. Well, let me tell you a little bit about how God met me through the mouths of teenagers in a dinner theater and cleared up any doubt that had been festering in my mind.
My daughter, a budding actress, was cast in a skit that will forever change our lives. She is on stage with Jesus talking to Him about how she has a hard time trusting Him. So, Jesus tells her to turn around and fall into his arms, you know..the Trust Fall? We've all had to do it at some team building event in our lifetime. So, she eventually falls backwards into Jesus' arms realizing how easy it is to trust Him when He's right there and you can see Him! Then Jesus tells her to face Him and now fall backwards. Her trust is then tested because no one is behind her to catch her! Why would I fall back Jesus? You are not there to catch me?! Trusting God when things He asks you to do don't make sense to you. Well, by the end of her act, Michael and I were at our seats with tears streaming down our face. Thank you, God, for speaking to us through our daughter. But also, thank you, God, for speaking to our daughter through that skit. That skit is what made her realize that moving away from her comfortable life in Grand Forks to go where God needs us next was the next trustworthy step. Wow. God works in such COOL ways! They aren't really mysterious...just extremely cool!
Other skits showed me that God's goodness is not going to run out. God is faithful and true and can be trusted over and over again. Another skit spoke volumes to me that whatever I have, God can use. My identity is found in what I give over to Him to use. My identity is not found in what I have BEEN for years, but it's found in what I offer up to Him to use. Tears, tears, blowing the nose, wiping the eyes. Get it together, Becky! Okay, a few breaths and I have it all together, until they start playing that song, "Your love never fails, it never gives up, IT NEVER RUNS OUT ON ME!!" Seriously, God? I just got over the tears and here they come again.
He is relentless in His pursuit of us. That relationship is what He is wanting from us. And He will do anything and everything to set us straight, to get us to trust Him, and to wrap His arms around us. Later that evening, my family was watching The Bible on DVD. Jesus goes up to a disciple and gives him a big bear hug. Alex says, "I'd love to have a Jesus hug." Tears again. I can be a blubbering fool! :) But I was just relishing in the fact that I had spent a whole evening in the midst of one big Jesus hug that those amazing teenagers delivered to me. Thank you, kids, for doing something that you'll never know the impact of. Man, God is so good.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Corsar Adventure
Being a Corsar is never a boring thing. If life starts to get too mundane and predictable, we can count on God to change that and shake it up for us. That may sound horrible to someone who hates change, but Corsars adapt well to change. Good thing.
We are embarking on a new adventure. We've sensed God moving for about a year now, but we've just had to be patient and wait on His timing. We got used to that in the Air Force...always waiting for new orders and a new change of scenery. Well, now that we are out of the Air Force, making a move on our own seems a bit overwhelming and scary. So, we've been putting it off just knowing God had something else in mind for us. Surely moving is not what He has in mind for us. That will be too hard. Have you seen all the STUFF we have?! Moving that by ourselves? Are you serious, God? Can't you just use us here, where we are comfortable and secure? Where we are rooted and finally getting established?
Nope.
It's about a testimony of obedience. We offered up our lives to do whatever God wants with us and to go wherever He wants us. That means what? Well, that's the lesson we are learning. What exactly does that mean? So far, we've learned it means letting go and letting God lead. And if He leads to another state, then we follow. Period. No "but", "why", or doubt. I am human, though, so there will still be all those things, but I am learning to combat those doubts and fears.
So, all this to say...Corsars are moving. At least we are moving in the direction toward God. We are still waiting for Him to reveal to us exactly where we are moving and when. Michael has decided he'll be attending seminary full-time...not online. God is pursuing a deep relationship with Michael and wants ALL of his time, not just what he has left over at the end of a long work day. He has currently applied at Southeastern Baptist Seminary in Wake Forest, NC, and Southern Seminary in Louisille, KY. So, we are awaiting orders from God to which one we will be going to.
Stepping off a ledge into God's arms with faith that He will sell our house here, He will provide a house at our new location, He will provide all the finances for a move, He will ease the pain of uprooting and moving, etc. There are lots of "etcs" there, but I'm trying not to overwhelm myself with them! God has just told us to move forward. He'll divulge the rest of the plan only as we start walking in faith.
So, won't you come along this adventure with us? You can pray for us and hug us frequently when you see us. You can send us encouragments and verses that God lays on your hearts to share with us.
I started this blog about 3 years ago when our life went through a major upheaval. A major life change. I'm seeing a pattern now. :) But a pattern of faith and trust is a good pattern to see. Following Christ is exciting. I'll keep you all posted about what is going on with us. Thank you for your support and prayers.
We are embarking on a new adventure. We've sensed God moving for about a year now, but we've just had to be patient and wait on His timing. We got used to that in the Air Force...always waiting for new orders and a new change of scenery. Well, now that we are out of the Air Force, making a move on our own seems a bit overwhelming and scary. So, we've been putting it off just knowing God had something else in mind for us. Surely moving is not what He has in mind for us. That will be too hard. Have you seen all the STUFF we have?! Moving that by ourselves? Are you serious, God? Can't you just use us here, where we are comfortable and secure? Where we are rooted and finally getting established?
Nope.
It's about a testimony of obedience. We offered up our lives to do whatever God wants with us and to go wherever He wants us. That means what? Well, that's the lesson we are learning. What exactly does that mean? So far, we've learned it means letting go and letting God lead. And if He leads to another state, then we follow. Period. No "but", "why", or doubt. I am human, though, so there will still be all those things, but I am learning to combat those doubts and fears.
So, all this to say...Corsars are moving. At least we are moving in the direction toward God. We are still waiting for Him to reveal to us exactly where we are moving and when. Michael has decided he'll be attending seminary full-time...not online. God is pursuing a deep relationship with Michael and wants ALL of his time, not just what he has left over at the end of a long work day. He has currently applied at Southeastern Baptist Seminary in Wake Forest, NC, and Southern Seminary in Louisille, KY. So, we are awaiting orders from God to which one we will be going to.
Stepping off a ledge into God's arms with faith that He will sell our house here, He will provide a house at our new location, He will provide all the finances for a move, He will ease the pain of uprooting and moving, etc. There are lots of "etcs" there, but I'm trying not to overwhelm myself with them! God has just told us to move forward. He'll divulge the rest of the plan only as we start walking in faith.
So, won't you come along this adventure with us? You can pray for us and hug us frequently when you see us. You can send us encouragments and verses that God lays on your hearts to share with us.
I started this blog about 3 years ago when our life went through a major upheaval. A major life change. I'm seeing a pattern now. :) But a pattern of faith and trust is a good pattern to see. Following Christ is exciting. I'll keep you all posted about what is going on with us. Thank you for your support and prayers.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Week Two of Rest
So, my last post was explaining to you how I can't just "be still". But my body needs some time right now to be still. Fighting with my brain to make my body rest is quite exhasting! Oh, the irony!
So, week two of my sabbatical. I've watched it snow, read 2 books, watched some movies on Netflix, spring cleaned the house, napped a bit, had some great lunch dates, started playing Candy Crush Saga (the most addictive internet game ever), and just spent time with God. It's really strange not focusing on children's ministry all week long. That really consumed every ounce of my thoughts. And guess what? Children's church was a raging success last week without me! I'm so proud of Val and the team for making it seamless and perfect for the kids. I guess my pride is the thing that made me fear that it couldn't be done without me. Forgive me, God, for being so prideful. First lesson learned in the "being still phase".
I'm sure there will be plenty of lessons that God will be teaching me. Right now, our family is working on a faith lesson. And being still is the perfect way to bask in the lesson of faith. God's timing is always perfect for He sees around the bends that we don't see coming. I'm so thankful that I am learning to trust Him. Even in the craziness of this week in our nation with bombings, explosions, and wide spread fear, I can rest in God's ever peaceful arms knowing that He has everything under control. I need not fear for I know who is walking in front of me, behind me, and holding my hand the whole way. Lesson number 2 is almost complete. I wonder how many lessons there will be? I guess I just need to be still and wait for the Teacher.
So, week two of my sabbatical. I've watched it snow, read 2 books, watched some movies on Netflix, spring cleaned the house, napped a bit, had some great lunch dates, started playing Candy Crush Saga (the most addictive internet game ever), and just spent time with God. It's really strange not focusing on children's ministry all week long. That really consumed every ounce of my thoughts. And guess what? Children's church was a raging success last week without me! I'm so proud of Val and the team for making it seamless and perfect for the kids. I guess my pride is the thing that made me fear that it couldn't be done without me. Forgive me, God, for being so prideful. First lesson learned in the "being still phase".
I'm sure there will be plenty of lessons that God will be teaching me. Right now, our family is working on a faith lesson. And being still is the perfect way to bask in the lesson of faith. God's timing is always perfect for He sees around the bends that we don't see coming. I'm so thankful that I am learning to trust Him. Even in the craziness of this week in our nation with bombings, explosions, and wide spread fear, I can rest in God's ever peaceful arms knowing that He has everything under control. I need not fear for I know who is walking in front of me, behind me, and holding my hand the whole way. Lesson number 2 is almost complete. I wonder how many lessons there will be? I guess I just need to be still and wait for the Teacher.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Be still!
I'm sure I've used that title before on some other blog post in the past. It's something God constantly has to teach me...then teach me again...then pound me over the head with.
I'm good at lots of things, but being still is not one of them. I can't even sit in the bathtub and "relax". What is that about? I don't understand the concept of "being still". I am very good at running myself to the point of exhaustion. I can pour my whole heart and soul into something until it takes every ounce of life out of me. I'm really good at that. And the product I produce is great, but the effects on my body are not so great. And let's face it, I'm almost 40. My body can't take a beating like it used to.
So, I decided to "be still". I'm on sabbatical from my children's ministry job for the next 5 weeks. Hardest choice I've ever had to make, but definitely something I need to do. I need to recharge my brain, my heart, my body...and just let them do nothing for a bit. I need to not pour into anything for a few weeks until I feel like myself again. All I can say is it's going to be hard. But it seems that all the good lessons in my life that God absolutely has to teach me always seem to be hard. So, I'm looking forward to the lesson.
My being still for this first week has involved spring cleaning (real "still", huh?) & picking some paint colors to paint a few rooms. May not seem "still", but it's making time out for things I've neglected but that I really enjoy. I've put my hobbies aside for a while now, that I'm going to spend the next few weeks having fun. I even sat down and watched a movie the other day...all by myself... in the middle of the day! How refreshing!
God made me the way I am for a reason. Now, I just need to learn balance. I think I'll sit down and ponder that...and possibly take a nap on the couch. :)
I'm good at lots of things, but being still is not one of them. I can't even sit in the bathtub and "relax". What is that about? I don't understand the concept of "being still". I am very good at running myself to the point of exhaustion. I can pour my whole heart and soul into something until it takes every ounce of life out of me. I'm really good at that. And the product I produce is great, but the effects on my body are not so great. And let's face it, I'm almost 40. My body can't take a beating like it used to.
So, I decided to "be still". I'm on sabbatical from my children's ministry job for the next 5 weeks. Hardest choice I've ever had to make, but definitely something I need to do. I need to recharge my brain, my heart, my body...and just let them do nothing for a bit. I need to not pour into anything for a few weeks until I feel like myself again. All I can say is it's going to be hard. But it seems that all the good lessons in my life that God absolutely has to teach me always seem to be hard. So, I'm looking forward to the lesson.
My being still for this first week has involved spring cleaning (real "still", huh?) & picking some paint colors to paint a few rooms. May not seem "still", but it's making time out for things I've neglected but that I really enjoy. I've put my hobbies aside for a while now, that I'm going to spend the next few weeks having fun. I even sat down and watched a movie the other day...all by myself... in the middle of the day! How refreshing!
God made me the way I am for a reason. Now, I just need to learn balance. I think I'll sit down and ponder that...and possibly take a nap on the couch. :)
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