Monday, December 16, 2013

Homeschool Highlights

Some highlights of our 1st semester of homeschooling!

**Alex had to write a Thankful Acrostic Poem in honor of Thanksgiving week using every letter of the alphabet.  My daughter is such a poet...and I literally didn't know it, until homeschool.  :)

Today I am thankful for my Aunt Jaime.
I also am thankful for Becky, my mother, truly
as well for Christ who saved me.
I am also very thankful for my Daddy dear,
thankful for Evan and bringing such cheer.
Thankful for friends, new and old.
Thankful for a gentleman with a heart of gold.
I'm thankful for even the horrible days,
thankful that I can see just through that blaze.
I'm thankful for Jesus, my Savior over thee,
thankful I am that he's King over me.
Thankful for love and all that it brings,
thankful for music and the songs that it sings.
I'm thankful for never leaving my faith,
thankful for God opening up that strength.
Thankful for Pebbles, my kitty and good friend;
though quiet, a good listener till the end.
Thankful for being raised up the way I was,
thankful for being strong and respected.
Thankful for being saved as anyone truly does,
thankful that I have understanding and truth.
I'm thankful knowing I'm victorious in my youth.
I'm thankful of having the blessing of water,
surprisingly thankful for the extra feelings inside this daughter.
I'm thankful for being stupid and young,
thankful for the amazing woman I'm set to become.


**Then a few weeks ago, we had a lesson on character.  We also learned that week of writing character sketches on different characters in stories or even on people you know.  Her assignment was to write a character sketch on anyone in her family.  I was super surprised that she wrote about ME! I teased her for just picking me so she'd get extra credit.  :)  Either way, I'll take it. 


Character Sketch on my mom, Becky Corsar

I really do love this person.  She cooks, she teaches, she is an excellent mother.  I am almost caught up with her in height, and though she's 40, she could still pass for 32.  She is a little odd, though, she will start lip syncing a singer without even noticing!  "I do not!" she always says. 

When I'm with my mother she is always very kind.  She doesn't ask for help, but we know she needs it.  She is always making everything just perfect.  I truly think everyone likes her.  I mean, she's always nice and understanding to people.  So much so, she could easily become someone's friend quickly.  She is my mom, but I'd also consider her a good friend as well.  Not that I  respect her less, I just enjoy that I can talk to her freely as well.  I really don't know how she would respond by all these titles she has.  Probably, "just remember that I'm still your mom"...I get that a lot.  -_-

Even though she may drive me nuts, I still really do love her.  She directs me and shows me different uses for my life.  She helps me through things. Even when I think I want to kill her, I still respect her guidance.



**I think it's safe to say I'm enjoying homeschooling!  I hope I'm teaching her something!  Evan will be joining our homeschool in January, so I'm praying I've figured out what I'm doing by then! 

Friday, November 22, 2013

Delight

I have found myself wholeheartedly delighting in my teenage daughter lately. Many years ago there was a song by Sandi Patti called "All This Time" about a mother delighting in her daughter.  Here are a few of the lyrics. 
How you will grow
And a million dreams will dance around you
Over the stars, past the moon
One day I will tell you

Remembering the years
All this time
Moving through the pages of life
You have been a joy to me
Blooming in the sun and the rain
Holding you through laughter and pain
As you dance I delight
I have loved you all this time

My precious little ballerina when she was 5 years old.


Recently I've discovered that even in hard times, I delight in her.  Even when she fights with me, I delight in her. When she would rather not have anything to do with me, I delight in her.  I still want to be with her.  I still want to meet her needs with things that will make her happy.  I'll find a fun little trinket at the store to surprise her with...just because I delight in her. 

Watching her go through a hard time recently with the transition to a new town and a new life, I have found such delight in her.  I have found that God has given her the strength of a lion.  I have seen her big, soft heart that cares for others even when she is hurting.  I have seen so many beautiful traits come out of her.  I see God about to launch her into something amazing.  Pure delight.

I have to memorize scripture in my seminary class.  The past few weeks I've been focusing on my life verse and the 6 verses that follow.  (Psalm 37:23-29) They have been so fitting for our life recently.  I wanted them firmly committed to my memory. Verse 23 says "The Lord directs the steps of the godly.  He delights in every detail of their lives."  I know I've blogged on that verse numerous times, but it's just so powerful!  Recently, God has been highlighting the word delight.

Delight used as a verb means "to please (someone) greatly".  God delights in me.  As his wayward daughter, he delights in me.  When I throw my doubts at him, he delights in me.  When I fight with him, he delights in me.  When I would rather not have anything to do with him for the moment, he still delights in me.  I please Him greatly.  He still wants to be with me.  He meets my needs in the most surprising ways...because he know that makes me happy.  He finds fun little trinkets in His creation to surprise me with...just because He delights in me.

"As you dance, I delight.  I have loved you all this time."




Friday, November 8, 2013

In the midst

Usually when I read blogs, I'm reading about how someone has triumphed over a hurdle, about being on the other side of the storm.

Well, I feel compelled to write in the midst of the storm.  Reading over my blogs since we've been at seminary I've noticed they aren't very uplifting stories.  God is ever present, and you can see His hand in every moment, but it just seems like a constant struggle for us...a constant uphill climb.  (I'll be nice and not insert the video to "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus before she fell off the crazy train.)

But it's constant mountains for us to climb.  Constant disappointments.  Constant tiredness.  Constant work.  Constantly trying to figure out how to do things a new way.  Constantly having our perspectives radically changed on the way we've always done things.  Constantly being brought to our knees.  A constant state of worship and awe for God who has placed us here for His glory.

Studying the book of Job in my Old Testament class a few weeks ago, I was brought to tears.  (Another constant in my life).  Job was having trials of every kind.  Nothing he had done to "deserve" all the bad that was happening to him.  He just wanted an explanation of why these things were happening.  After his friends try to explain in their limited logic, God finally shows up to comfort Job.  Job was probably hoping that God would bring in some cosmic answer to all his questions of "why?!" But he got no explanation from God...he simply got God's presence.  And God's presence was enough.

I cried because I realized that through all my constant struggles, God's presence is simply enough.  When I struggle is when I reach out for God the most.  So, embrace the struggle for that's where God is. 

As I watch him restore my daughter after a few months of sheer brokenness that breaks a momma's heart, God reminds me over and over that "I've got this."  Last night, my daughter and I sat in silence and listened to this song.  Tears streaming down my face as God reminded both of us that He's still here.  Always has been.  Climbs the mountains with us.  Fights the battles right alongside us. Never leaves us alone. 


I'm hoping to write a blog from the other side of the mountain soon.  Maybe even after we've made it to the top.  It may be a while, or it may be tomorrow.  Who knows?!  But we are still here faithfully climbing.  Corsarfam4....plus 1. 

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Darkness

Today it's sunny.  BUT, for the last 8 days it was sheer darkness.  I was not able to write during the darkness.  It took the sunshine to allow me a clear brain to sit down and write.

My personality equals sunshine.  I literally cannot function in darkness and dreariness.  I can't be around negative people because it literally makes me insane!  I'm like a solar powered calculator.  Have you ever moved it out of the light just slightly and the numbers start to flicker on the screen?  That's me.

When I say it was sheer darkness for 8 days, that means it has been rainy, dreary, and cloudy for over a week!  I did come from that in North Dakota, but I also struggled in North Dakota.  It's something I was never able to overcome.  I didn't mind that dark, dreariness when snow was attached to it because I love the snow.  But here, it was just drizzling rain.  And I knew my beloved snow wasn't going to be coming. 

Well, this blog is sounding quite negative, isn't it?  If I was reading it on someone else's page, I'd probably be closing the tab about now.  But hear me out.  Our family moved to North Carolina out of an act of obedience to God.  Since we have been here nothing has been easy.  Literally everything has been an uphill climb.  My children are struggling with the change.  Seminary classes are HARD...way harder & deeper than college classes.  I've developed some rash/allergy to something here that stresses me because I am a healthy person!  Michael has to work crazy hours to be able fit work in around his class schedule.  Finances...I won't even get started on our budget.  *Whew*

You might be reading this thinking that other people have it way harder.  This is a thing that I know!  And I know plenty of those people who have an uphill climb in their lives as well.  But this is OUR uphill climb.  And honestly, I thought being obedient to God would make this whole journey pretty simple.  We are obeying God, after all.  Obedience equals blessing...that's what I've learned in my Old Testament studies so far.  I told Michael, during a pity party the other night that I threw that he never accepts my invitations for, that God must be really mad at us.  I said I wish He'd just leave us alone for a while so we can come up for air.

The next day, God showed me this video through a friend on facebook.  Smack me right between the eyes. Please take a moment to watch it.  It's powerful.



This man's darkness was extreme.  He was obedient and yet he still went through darkness.  We're all going to go through darkness.  And I KNOW that I find God more clearly in my darkness.  My human brain knows that.  But my human-ness just wants to be left alone sometimes. I just want to breeze through life and everything to be easy!

After this video, I know that God loves me.  God is pleased with my obedience.  God sees me as righteous.  He loves me too much to leave me to myself.  I am being sharpened and refined.

Someday, I'll understand this.  God, thank you for not leaving me alone.  Even during my pity parties.  Even during the dark, dreary days.  Thank you for making me sing it out loud at church Sunday when we sang The Lord our God..."from this darkness you will lead us, and forever we will say, You're the Lord our God!" And thank you for this message that you taught me so that I could turn right around and help my daughter through her darkest day this week.  God's timing is so good and so perfect. 

Friday, August 9, 2013

Moving In

About 3 years ago, I started this blog site with a blog entitled, "Starting Over in the Same Place." Now, here I sit thinking I should call this entry "Starting Over in a Different Place".

In case you are just tuning in, we have moved to North Carolina. God wanted us here and so we came. It's been an adventure to say the least! We were blessed with 23 friends who all pitched in to help us move FROM North Dakota. When we got to North Carolina, we were a little concerned with who would help us move our stuff in. We know only one friend here. We called about having a moving company move our furniture in for us. $650 for 2 movers for 2 hours. WHAT? No thanks. We'll do it ourselves...with our one friend, and her husband. So, we prayed hard that God would fight this battle for us. A 26 foot trailer full of heavy furniture to be carried in uphill was not something we had energy for at this point. Our friend and her husband invited a few of their friends...friends with muscles! An old Thrive friend, who lives an hour away, decided to drive out and help us, too. Okay, so this is looking good. Michael called the seminary to see if there were any young strapping students who might be interested in making some money to help us move furniture. Throughout the evening 5 of those students showed up to help us. All at times when our other helpers were getting tired and weak. I'm here to say that God fought this battle not FOR us...but right beside us. Shouldering most of the weight on His shoulders. God showed up that night in the form of several amazing people with strong hands and backs to move our furniture and boxes. God met our need. In a big way.

But talking to the seminary students, they said through us God met their financial needs as well. One of the students had been praying that day for a little money to help him with his rent. Another student was praying for gas money to take his new bride on an anniversary trip. We were able to pay them just what they needed by the work they did for us. Isn't God just SO good? He has consistently shown me His goodness in this whole crazy journey we have been on lately. I love journeys with God. They are my new favorite thing. I'm also learning that these journeys are not always "easy" or what we always consider "good", but they are good for me.

We've been here about a week now. Within this week, there has been a whirlwind of change and emotions I've had to confront. A good friend from North Dakota died suddenly and unexpectedly..grief; my dad had major surgery I couldn't be home for, fear; my children are homesick, sadness; trying to unpack to get our lives feeling normal, unsettled; making new friends, excitement; trying to learn my way around a bigger town, confusion. Emotionally I'm spent. What a journey this week. But through all the change, my God has remained constant.

 I surrender to Him every morning when I get up. I ask Him what He requires of me today. And He is there right beside me every day to help me do whatever needs to be done. All I can say is God is good. I don't think I'll ever be able to say any different.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Unbelievable

Tomorrow we head to Wake Forest, NC, to start the process of Chapter ?. I don't even know what chapter we are beginning now. I've lost count! :) We've been visiting family for the past week in Maryland. Michael and I took a trip by ourselves to Wake Forest to find a suitable place to live. We went in with the attitude that we would easily find a house in one day then head back to pick up the kids from their fun few days with the grandparents. Well, one day turned into 4 days! By day 3, all faith was gone and I was a big blubbering mess! "God's got our back." That was the phrase reveberating in the back of my brain, but my heart had lost all hope. We looked a several homes that were just gross. We've been home OWNERS for the past 10 years. We are fine with renting, but we wanted something nice. Not something that smells like cat pee...know what I mean? We had several specifications...not necessarily "needs", but things we'd like to have. A garage, a fenced yard, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. Should be easy to find? Not so much. AND we really needed to stay within our housing budget of about $1150. *Begin laughter now* That's a teeny tiny rent price for a home, but it's our housing allowance through the GI Bill which Michael is using to go to seminary. We had an appointment to look at the "perfect" house. 3 bedrooms, garage, fenced yard, $1250 rent...on a street called "Sovereign Way". Perfect, right? This HAD to be the house God had waiting for us. Our appointment to view the home was at noon. At 11:00, the realtor called us and told us an application had just been submitted for the house. *Cue Becky's massive amount of tears* "What is God doing to us?! Didn't He know this was our house? This one was perfect!" My sweet, patient husband decided it was time for us to pray. Mainly praying for his overly emotional wife at this point. He reminded me God knows what He's doing. He tried to convince me that God obviously had something better for us. "But...but...but..." Then Michael asked me, "Do you really trust that God will meet this need?" Well obviously my emotional state showed that NO, I wasn't trusting too much at this point. It's easy to trust God when everything is working as we "think" it should work. Right now, it wasn't working the way I thought it needed to work. We decided to go driving around because we didn't have anymore appointments for a little while that day. Lo and behold we are driving down a street called Tillamook and there is the cutest little house with a FOR RENT sign in the yard. At first look, my thoughts were that there is no way this rent is in our price range. But Michael took down the number and decided to call the number on the sign. We had to leave a message and WAIT (something I'm getting really good at) for the call back. The doubt crept in and I tried to "guard my heart" knowing the rent was going to be too high or the house would already be rented. Several hours later, the landlord called back and gave us the specs about the home. (Quick, look a few lines above and notice my list of the things we'd like to have) Ready for this? (1) 4 bedrooms (2) 3 bathrooms (3) Garage (4) Fenced yard (5) Fireplace (because God knows I like that sort of thing in the winter) (6) Fresh paint in whole house (7) Brand new carpet in bedrooms (8) 400 sq feet BIGGER than the "perfect" house on Sovereign Way (9) and my favorite thing...Rent is $1150. The landlord told us he could easily rent this house for $1300, but he just didn't feel that was what he was suppoed to rent it for. Can we say that God had our back? Can we say that God prepared the way for us here? This house had been on the market for 1 week...which is an eternity in the rental market. This cute of a house at this cute of a price would have been snagged up in a day if God had not been holding on to it for us. Believe what you want about luck or chance. I choose to believe in Faith. I choose to trust. I'd like to say I'll trust easily from this point forward, but God knows I'm a stubborn cry baby. But I'm going to choose trust a little more quickly next time. I have a whole rest of the year to be trusting in LOTS of things now that my life has been turned upside down in a new town. God has my back. Whom shall I fear?

Friday, July 5, 2013

Who Am I Now?

This past Sunday I sat in church like a regular person. Not a staff person. Not a person who was in charge of anything. It was nice, but it was a little weird.

I've been struggling with what my identity will be when I am no longer "Mrs. Becky". I have been Mrs. Becky for so long! I know I'll live on in the minds of children as Mrs. Becky, but I don't know that I will be called that once we move on to our next chapter. It's funny how your identity can be caught up in a name.

One of the people taking my place is named Cee Cee. I was telling her how much the kids would love Mrs. Cee Cee. She laughed and said, "I've never been called by my own name since I had children." She has always been 'so-and-so's' mom or 'so-and-so's' wife. She is excited to be identified as her own name!

Mrs. Becky takes on many meanings. It's a woman who loves kids, who loves to serve, who will do anything for anyone. Hearing that name makes kids feel comfortable and loved regardless of how they are treated anywhere else. Those are the things I have strived for in creating my identity. But as I move on into new areas of ministry, I'm excited to see the identity that God will forge in me. It's not about me anymore, it's about God IN me.

 I have decided that my identity now is "Child of the One True King". What that looks like I don't know, but I do know I will continue to strive to live as Mrs. Becky. I will also continue to strive to live as Christ. My new name is Redeemed, Worthy, Accepted, Loved.
 Funny, but that's your name, too!