I've missed you!

WOW!  Over 2 months since my last post.  Life has been a roller coaster, and it's just not stopping to let me off!  I think of things to write about, but just don't make the time.  Today, I'm sitting down at my computer with a nice cup of hot tea and making time for what God has laid on my heart. 

If you have read any of my past posts, you know that God speaks to me through songs.  Psalm 40:3 says, "He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see what He has done and be amazed.  They will put their trust in the Lord."  I'll hear a new song on the radio, or sometimes even hear an old song, and God stirs up my heart something He wants me to learn from that song.  Then it becomes a long process of researching things in the song or just watching how God reveals things out of that song to me in other ways. 

This is the most current song that God is speaking through.  Chris Tomlin, "Whom Shall I Fear?"

The first time I heard it I focused on The God of Angel Armies.  In my bible reading it has constantly been talking about The God of heaven's armies.  I'm reading about Elisha and how he asked God to open the eyes of his servant to see the angel armies all around them.  (How many times have I asked God to open my eyes to see that?!)  There was even a children's church lesson that I got to teach about that story.  God has been showing me that He is all around.  Protecting us, supporting us, keeping us walking where we need to be walking.

Even in a season when my spirits have been a little more down than usual, God has shown me that I'm down, but not out.  He is protecting me from Satan's fiery darts even as I lay helpless.  Kind of reminds me from something from Narnia and the battles they fought.

More recently, I've been focusing in that song on the phrase, "You are faithful!"   The Corsars are strong, but we are only strong because God is faithful to us.  Without him, we would crumble.  We feel so many attacks, but I'm starting to feel that God is taking the brunt of those attacks for us.  We are only feeling some slight aftershocks of what is going on around us.  If my spirit eyes were opened, I would see flaming horses and the biggest brightest angels positioned all around my house.  They are trotting alongside my van.  They are filled shoulder to shoulder in our new church.  Swinging from the rafters, they are. Swooping down the give high fives to the kids who fill the children's areas.  They position themselves outside of Michael's office while he's trying to study.  That is one place they are definitely fighting hard for now.  It seems when you dive in to do the things God wants you to do, you might as well walk outside with a bullseye on your back.  And man, those attacks hurt!

Regardless, God is faithful.  "Nothing formed against me shall stand.  You hold the whole world in Your hands.  I'm holding on to Your promises.  You are faithful!"

That's where we'll be standing...should you need us. 

Giving Up!

Wow!  I haven't posted since July!  It's funny how summer just consumes your every moment.  And we didn't really do anything of any value.  Just acted like bums.  And that was truly needed! 

I'm writing today to make it official that I am giving up.  Michael and I have been trying to "figure out" God's will for our lives for so long now.  It's exhausting.  The Bible tells us to seek God with all our heart and we will find Him.  Well, it's not that we've lost Him...we've always had Him.  We just can't seem to read the language written in the next chapter of our book.  Our secret decoder ring hasn't yet arrived.

So, in the meantime, we keep trying to figure it all out on our own.  Something unusual will happen and we try and spin it to fit what we think is God's will for our life.  Or someone will say something profound to us and we will try and make that fit into something God is trying to get us to hear.  Or we will read something and  try to fit that into this box we have our future in.  The only problem with this is that we think we know what God wants for us, when in reality, we really don't know anything!  So many things keep happening that we think is God's will for us, but then they aren't coming to fruition.  We've thought we've found God's will about 20 times in the past 2 years that we've surrendered our lives wholeheartedly to His service.  But yet, we are still here doing the exact same things we were doing 2 years ago.  And being quite successful at those things, by the way. 

So, we've just decided to give up!  Give up trying to put God in our little box of what we think is right.  Give up listening to what other people think God is doing in our life.  Give up reading into everything that happens as some big cosmic answer to our question.  I sat reading Ecclesiastes yesterday (I'm a few months behind in my One Year Bible, but at least I am still reading) and Solomon kept talking about how everything in life is truly meaningless.  Even human wisdom and trying to figure everything out is meaningless, because no one knows which way the wind will blow or what will happen.  So, basically, STOP TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT!  "Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time.  He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end."  (Ecc. 3: 11)

God is using us right where He has planted us.  And we are filled with joy.  It's not that we will quit reading our story, but we will wait patiently for God to finish writing it.  We will just keep on walking the road we are on until God puts a turn in the road.  And if it's His will to keep us doing exactly what we are doing, then so be it.  I will be beautiful in the time God has prepared for me right now. 

Work within your GIFTS

I've found the older I get, the slower I get.  Not only physically, but brain connections seem to be a bit slower, too!  God speaks to me through words, and the word that I've finally gotten the connection to is GIFTS.  I say "finally" because God has given me this word since April & it's just now dawning on me that He's been trying to speak to me! 

In April, Alex and I went to a teen conference called Revolve.  The shirts that were made for us claim we are "Favored, created with special advantages or gifts".  The verse on the back of the shirt is Romans 12:6 " We all have different gifts that God has given to us by His loving favor.  We are to use them."

So, then in May our church was working on a big banquet to raise money for our building fund.  I was on the decorating and set up team.  I was working under someone who is highly gifted in those sorts of things!  She showed us how to put on the table linens and fold the napkins in this super cute way.  I quickly picked up how to fold these napkins.  Easy for me.  My friend, Lea, on the other hand, could not quite get the hang of folding these napkins.  But what she was good at was lining up the place settings.  Sounds silly and simple, but isn't that how life is?  Work within the gifts you have.  Don't try and fold napkins if you are good at something else. 

So, here's where things start to click with me.  I'm doing my bible reading (which I am sorely behind in, but that's okay!!)  and it is talking about the giftedness of certain people to build the temple in 1 Chronicles.  My church has recently began the building process on our long-awaited building.  I find it "ironic" that we have so many gifted people in our church right now to help build the temple.  We have an architect, who has drafted all the plans for us; a painter, an interior designer, several contractors/carpenters, those who work at specific businesses that are donating items to the church.  I just find it amazing that God brought all those people together at such a time as this to all use their gifts for the building of His temple. 

All of this has been teaching me to stop trying to be good at EVERYTHING.  That truly wears me out.  But it has taught me to just start focusing on what I am gifted at doing.  Hand off everything else to people who are gifted in things where I am weak.  That's how the body of Christ works.  God has chosen me to do my part in building His Kingdom.  I don't have to do it all on my own.  (This is a lesson that I've been needing to learn for MANY years!)  I am highly favored and gifted! 

This verse sums it all up for me.  1 Chronicles 28:9-10 "And Solomon, my son, learn to know the God of your ancestors intimately.  Worship and serve him with your whole heart and a willing mind.  For the Lord sees every heart and knows every plan and thought.  If you seek him, you will find him.  But if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.  So, take this seriously.  The Lord has chosen you to build the Temple as his sanctuary.  Be strong, and do the work."

Redeemed

I have SO many things I want to write about.  I haven't blogged since May because life has just gotten so busy.  Summer has taken over!  I'll just have to find time to write about all the things flooding my mind.  But today, I'm going to pick the most recent thing. 

I've been in ministry now for almost 6 years.  I love my job working with children.  Most days are fun, some days are not so fun.  But God is there in all the days, so it's all good.  I work for God, and He's an awesome boss.  Some days I lose sight of the fact that He's who I work for.  It's those days that make ministry unbearable.  I recently had one of those days of unbearable-ness.  Is that a word?  Because that's how I felt.  All of a sudden I felt that nothing made sense, nothing was working properly, I was a failure, unworthy of my position, etc.  Everything came crashing down on me. 

It's not that I'm prideful about my job, but I do take my job very seriously.  Statistics show that if a person does not accept Christ by the age of 12, they'll have a hard time in adulthood making sense of His existence.  The way a child is treated in church will determine if that child continues going to church as a teen/adult.  A lot rides on children's ministry.  That's why I have an awesome prayer warrior who upholds this ministry in prayer and prays away any evil influence on it.  The spiritual warfare is great for children's pastors and their ministry. 

I don't run my ministry, God does.  It's God who floods my mind with great ideas, object lessons, games, etc, to help kids see Him.  I'm just His hands and feet.  I'm an emptied out tool that allows God to use me to reach kids.  Sunday, I let someone talk to me in a way that made me feel that instead of a warrior, I was a failure.  I let this person take my self-esteem from me and trample it.  It did not feel good. 

My self-esteem and my worth come solely from Christ and the way He sees me.  He sees me as perfect and redeemed.  Wholly beautiful, valuable, and flawless.  God wants me to stop trying to make my ministry great, because He has already done that.  Stop trying to DO everything, and just relish in the fact that the war is already won.  Christ has already DONE everything that needs to be done.  I just have to give it to Him every week and allow Him to use me as He sees fit.  I am redeemed.  I've been set free.

Recklessly Abandon

Recklessly abandoned.  Interesting concept.  One that kept "popping up" around me for the past week.  We had a decision to make that we really needed to consult God about.  A big decision that we didn't want to make on our own.  The response to my question for God were these words.  Recklessly abandon.  The response God gave Michael to our big decision was "everything".  The concepts are the same.  To recklessly abandon means to give up everything.  Here are a few of the meanings I found in some searches I did.  (1) To do something without regard to the consequences (2) To completely surrender to natural impulses (3) To take the plunge despite the possible outcome (4) Just go for it without worrying about anything.

So, today, we gave everything with reckless abandon.  I have no idea what God will do with what we did, but we were obedient and that's really all that matters.  I was reading an article in Relevant Magazine which said, "In the end, only God can judge how much risk is too much. Heck, even driving to work is risky. So we need Him with us in everything we do. If we are endlessly working a day job to pay off the subprime mortgage, as a Christian, we should still bring Christ with us. “Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way“ (Colossians 3:17, The Message)."  It also stated this powerful point, "When we agree to follow the person and teachings of Jesus, we agree to surrender our plan for His, and by definition, that means we agree to a massive amount of personal risk. In our journey of faith and life, He can take us anywhere and allow anything to happen. He can take life and give life, no matter its duration. He extracts meaning from the briefest physical existence that we know."

I'm tired of living a "comfortable" life.  I want to live differently.  I want to live with reckless abandon for my God.  Giving Him everything with no thought of the consequence.  I want to recklessly love God!  With no thought of how I'm going to manage things now.  Letting it go.  I can't wait to tell you soon about what God has done!  Serving Christ is NEVER boring...that's for certain!

So in love!

I am so in love with my daughter.  I'm in love with my son, too, but this weekend, God gave me revelations about the love I have for my daughter.  Sweet Alex was chosen to be the Queen of Sheba in her school dinner theater.  She worked so hard at memorizing lines and learning a solo she had to sing.  She did so well, and I was SO proud of her!  Part of my job, as the Queen of Sheba's mother, was to do her make up and get her costume together to make her look like a queen!

 I spent a lot of time researching make up of the era to try and make her look like an Egyptian queen.  I spent time at Sally Beauty Supply talking with the "experts" there about doing her hair and trying to dye it black.  (We were unsuccessful at that because I put my foot down when it came to permanently dying her hair black!)  I spent time finding really cool things to make her absolutely beautiful, because she was the Queen of Sheba, by the way!  She had to be stunning! 

Everytime I would find something beautiful for her costume, I couldn't wait to show it to her and surprise her with what I'd bought.  I knew she's be ecstatic with the super cool gold necklace I found her at Gordmans.  (I loved it not only because it was cool, but because it was on clearance for $5.00!)  This whole process opened my eyes to the love my Father has for me, His little princess. 

I am royalty.  God only provides the very best for me.  He has in mind exactly how He wants me to look for this role I am to play in life.  And more importantly, He is so proud of me.  He is madly in love with me, His daughter.  A friend once told me, "You are God's favorite!"   I have to tell myself that over and over again because there are times when I feel I've lost my shine.  But even then, when I don't feel as pretty as I should, I am still God's favorite.  And so are you.  When I forget my lines and flub up my song, He is still proud of me.  He's proud of me because it's not about my performance or how many jewels make me sparkly, but simply because He loves me.  Period.

Thanks, little Queen of Sheba, for letting me love you.  And for allowing God to teach me a lesson through your beauty! 

Perspective

Perspective.  Life can be changed with just the change of perspective.  One time when I was going through a rough spot and wondering why God seemed to keep giving me hard things to deal with, my dad sent me this email.  Put things into perspective for me.  This is supposedly a true story which makes it even cooler!

THE ANT AND THE CONTACT LENS

     Brenda was almost halfway to the top of the tremendous granite cliff. She was standing on a ledge where she was taking a breather during this, her first rock climb. As she rested there, the safety rope snapped against her eye and knocked out her contact lens.
                           
    'Great', she thought. 'Here I am on a rock ledge, hundreds of feet from the bottom and hundreds of feet to the top of this cliff, and now my sight is blurry.' She looked and looked, hoping that somehow it had landed on the ledge. But it just wasn't there.

                           

    She felt the panic rising in her, so she began praying. She prayed for calm, and she prayed that she might find her contact lens. When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but it was not to be found. Although she was calm now that she was at the top, she was saddened because she could not clearly see across the range of mountains. She thought of the bible verse 'The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth.'

                              

  She thought, 'Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me.'

 

    Later, when they had hiked down the trail to the bottom of the cliff they met another party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, 'Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?'

 

    Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across a twig on the face of the rock, carrying it!

 

 

   The story doesn't end there. Brenda's father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with the caption, 'Lord, I don't know why you want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what you want me to do; I'll carry it for you.'

 

 

 

   I think it would do all of us some good to say, 'God, I don't know why you want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if you want me to carry it, I will.'