Last Miracle for 2013

I have to write this last blog of the year before we launch into 2014.  The miracles have just been in full force for a year now, so I want to end my year proclaiming a super cool miracle!  It was too cool to keep to myself this New Year's Eve!!

God's got this?  Yep, He sure does.  Over and over again...He's got this! 

Michael has about a month off of seminary right now.  Half of December and half of January.  When he's not in school, there is a certain amount of money from his GI Bill that we don't get.  $600 to be exact.  That's $600 we need to survive.  Just today we were talking about ways to cut WAY back for the next month until school starts back up.  Any and every way to make a dent in the $600 we won't be getting!  We are getting good at "not worrying"...well, not as much as we used to.  There is still a certain amount of worry that comes; we are human, after all! But we are learning to live in expectation of how God will handle our basic needs!

My dear friend, Lea, has been asking me for about a week if I had received a Christmas card from Thrive, our home church in North Dakota.  I hadn't received it before we ended up leaving for a family holiday trip, but I received it today!  BOY, did I receive it today!!!  Certain cards and letters need to come with warning labels on them so I can have a kleenex handy! 

I opened the most amazing card in the world full of goodies.  Oasis, the most generous ladies group from Thrive, had a craft and bake sale before Christmas...and they did that FOR US!  Humbled; that's us right now.  They sent us a check for $332.00 AND a Target gift card for $260.  I'll let you sit here and do the math in your head real quick.  If you're not a math major, I'll help you out...$592.  I stood in the presence of Almighty God with tears streaming down my face at the generosity of my sisters in Christ who love and pray for my family.  I knew they missed us and I know they love us, but WOW!  Again, I'm wow'ed!  And blown away.  Side-note: This is in addition to a $50 gift card that someone sent us anonymously before Christmas with a note that God has not forgotten my family.  Tear flow!!

I share the card with Michael who cried with me.  In walks Evan wanting to know what's wrong.  Nothing is wrong, dear one.  But listen to this story of Jehovah Jireh, our Great Provider!  "Cool" is his response as the biggest smile crosses his face.  Then Alex walks in and my heart is bursting to share this with her.  I start with telling her of our lack of $600 we won't be getting in January.  Her face contorts with worry...she takes the weight of the world on her shoulders.  But then I show her how God has provided from our faithful servant friends in North Dakota.  Then I ask her, "Why do we even worry?  "Why do we worry about tomorrow?"

I was reading a book today and God gave me this verse to chew on in Jeremiah 33:3 'Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.'  God must have wanted me to reflect on that knowing I was going to be getting a cool piece of mail today!  He's so sneaky like that!  His timing is PERFECT.  His ways are PERFECT.  Following Him is the PERFECT way to live...albeit challenging, it's perfect. He has done GREAT THINGS!  I just have to shout it in all caps!  :)

I have sat all night basking in His presence.  Doing nothing, but thanking Him for the things (good and "not so good") that have happened in 2013.  It's all for His glory.  Thank you my dear friends for your hearts of love for the Corsar Fam 4.  You will never know the "sermon fodder" you are giving Michael as he launches into ministry.  You will never realize the depths of your simple acts of giving and how they are impacting my children.  You will never know how they heal my broken heart when I start missing my friends!  I thank God every time I think of you.  Tonight....I'm thanking Him extra hard.  

Christmas Miracle

Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give    you the desires of your heart."

We are beginning to live a life accustomed to God meeting our every need.  We have yet to go hungry or naked.  God provides in the coolest ways.  This most recent way really took the cake, though. 

About a month ago, we attended an event for seminary families called Operation Toy Chest. It is hosted by a local church who donates toys, bikes, gift cards, you name it...in order to bless seminary students (who are typically not the wealthiest people on the planet for this season of life!)  If a donated item is valued in a store at $20, the seminary family only has to pay $2 for the toy.  All the money earned that day goes to the missions offering (Lottie Moon Christmas Offering) from that church.  We were blessed with some really cool things for our kids for just a few dollars!

At the end of the "shopping period", they have a big raffle drawing.  They give you some tickets when you arrive and you place your tickets into a prize that you might want to win.  These are bigger prizes such as electric scooters, MacBooks, iPads, American Girl dolls, etc.  We had put our tickets into the items we would like to win for our kids.  As we were putting a ticket into the MacBook Pro box, we looked at each other and said, "Wouldn't it be the coolest thing to win this for the kids?"

My son has rising ambitions to be a YouTuber.  My daughter could use a Mac to do some amazing Photoshop things with pictures...she's very talented.  My kids have talked for about a year about how cool it would be to have their own Mac.  Well, for $1400...that would be a no-go on us buying them one.

So we placed our ticket into the drawing as a pipe dream, really.  There were hundreds of seminary families in attendance.  There were only 50 prizes to be won.  Our odds weren't great.  We would be happy with the other toys we got, and we would be happy for our fellow seminary friends who won big prizes. I sat in the crowd as prizes were being called that were NOT our number.  Doubt started to creep in and I wanted to guard my heart from disappointment, so I started telling myself that we weren't going to win.  "Don't get your hopes up...you'll only be disappointed."  But then I was also praying and asking God to find favor on my family with a blessing for my children.

The emcee held up the MacBook Pro and started telling all the great things about it.  I couldn't stand it anymore!  Just call the number already so I can leave if we didn't win.  Then a miracle happened...he called our number.  I'll never forget the feeling of the Spirit that washed over me in the moment.  Tears poured.  Michael couldn't even stand up to get the prize and stumbled to the front to claim our blessing.  We cried all the way out the door.  Then we just sat in our car in complete silence.  When you are in God's presence, there is really nothing you need to say.

God not only meets my children's NEEDS...He also cares about the desires of their heart.  God knows my children better than I do.  He knew how much they would love this amazing gift.  Psalm 37:23...The life verse of the Corsar Fam 4 had come to pass yet again, "God directs the steps of the godly, He cares about every detail of their lives." Every detail.

Want to see what shock, excitement, and extreme joy look like?

 They have been in heaven today playing with their new toy!  The gift tag said "To: Alex and Evan, From: God".  We shared the story with them this morning of this miracle gift that God had brought just for them.  It's been SO hard keeping it quiet for the past month!  But their screams of glee (well, mainly Evan's screams) were SO worth the wait!

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He WILL give you the desires of your heart." Do we follow God and live for Him so that we can get material blessings?  No.  But God is a good Father and He knows the desires in our hearts.  He put those desires there, so that He can "wow" us with his glory. 

We are officially WOW'ed!!

Merry Christmas from the Corsars!

Here is our family photo shoot that we took ourselves!  :)  Put our camera's timer on and tried our best to get a good family photo!  After hundreds of pictures, trying to get the perfect one, this became one of my favorite things!  A series of goofy shots of my family....just being themselves!  LOL

We were on the campus of Southeastern Seminary with everyone wearing our seminary shirts...except for me.  I'm wearing the shirt I bought for Michael to remind us of our mantra through our whole obedience journey, "God's Got This!"

In every shot, my question was "Can you see the shirt?"  "You have to make sure you can read the shirt."  The shirt took on a life of itself during this photo shoot.  

My camera has a function where it highlights the faces in the screen to make sure the faces are in focus.  At one point, Alex was behind the lens and said, "Mom, the camera is recognizing your belly as a face."  Thanks, Alex.  I guess I'll be laying off the Christmas cookies.  Merry Christmas from the whole crazy Corsar crew!  We love and miss you all!

Homeschool Highlights

Some highlights of our 1st semester of homeschooling!

**Alex had to write a Thankful Acrostic Poem in honor of Thanksgiving week using every letter of the alphabet.  My daughter is such a poet...and I literally didn't know it, until homeschool.  :)

Today I am thankful for my Aunt Jaime.
I also am thankful for Becky, my mother, truly
as well for Christ who saved me.
I am also very thankful for my Daddy dear,
thankful for Evan and bringing such cheer.
Thankful for friends, new and old.
Thankful for a gentleman with a heart of gold.
I'm thankful for even the horrible days,
thankful that I can see just through that blaze.
I'm thankful for Jesus, my Savior over thee,
thankful I am that he's King over me.
Thankful for love and all that it brings,
thankful for music and the songs that it sings.
I'm thankful for never leaving my faith,
thankful for God opening up that strength.
Thankful for Pebbles, my kitty and good friend;
though quiet, a good listener till the end.
Thankful for being raised up the way I was,
thankful for being strong and respected.
Thankful for being saved as anyone truly does,
thankful that I have understanding and truth.
I'm thankful knowing I'm victorious in my youth.
I'm thankful of having the blessing of water,
surprisingly thankful for the extra feelings inside this daughter.
I'm thankful for being stupid and young,
thankful for the amazing woman I'm set to become.


**Then a few weeks ago, we had a lesson on character.  We also learned that week of writing character sketches on different characters in stories or even on people you know.  Her assignment was to write a character sketch on anyone in her family.  I was super surprised that she wrote about ME! I teased her for just picking me so she'd get extra credit.  :)  Either way, I'll take it. 


Character Sketch on my mom, Becky Corsar

I really do love this person.  She cooks, she teaches, she is an excellent mother.  I am almost caught up with her in height, and though she's 40, she could still pass for 32.  She is a little odd, though, she will start lip syncing a singer without even noticing!  "I do not!" she always says. 

When I'm with my mother she is always very kind.  She doesn't ask for help, but we know she needs it.  She is always making everything just perfect.  I truly think everyone likes her.  I mean, she's always nice and understanding to people.  So much so, she could easily become someone's friend quickly.  She is my mom, but I'd also consider her a good friend as well.  Not that I  respect her less, I just enjoy that I can talk to her freely as well.  I really don't know how she would respond by all these titles she has.  Probably, "just remember that I'm still your mom"...I get that a lot.  -_-

Even though she may drive me nuts, I still really do love her.  She directs me and shows me different uses for my life.  She helps me through things. Even when I think I want to kill her, I still respect her guidance.



**I think it's safe to say I'm enjoying homeschooling!  I hope I'm teaching her something!  Evan will be joining our homeschool in January, so I'm praying I've figured out what I'm doing by then! 

Delight

I have found myself wholeheartedly delighting in my teenage daughter lately. Many years ago there was a song by Sandi Patti called "All This Time" about a mother delighting in her daughter.  Here are a few of the lyrics. 

How you will grow
And a million dreams will dance around you
Over the stars, past the moon
One day I will tell you

Remembering the years
All this time
Moving through the pages of life
You have been a joy to me
Blooming in the sun and the rain
Holding you through laughter and pain
As you dance I delight
I have loved you all this time

My precious little ballerina when she was 5 years old.

Recently I've discovered that even in hard times, I delight in her.  Even when she fights with me, I delight in her. When she would rather not have anything to do with me, I delight in her.  I still want to be with her.  I still want to meet her needs with things that will make her happy.  I'll find a fun little trinket at the store to surprise her with...just because I delight in her. 

Watching her go through a hard time recently with the transition to a new town and a new life, I have found such delight in her.  I have found that God has given her the strength of a lion.  I have seen her big, soft heart that cares for others even when she is hurting.  I have seen so many beautiful traits come out of her.  I see God about to launch her into something amazing.  Pure delight.

I have to memorize scripture in my seminary class.  The past few weeks I've been focusing on my life verse and the 6 verses that follow.  (Psalm 37:23-29) They have been so fitting for our life recently.  I wanted them firmly committed to my memory. Verse 23 says "The Lord directs the steps of the godly.  He delights in every detail of their lives."  I know I've blogged on that verse numerous times, but it's just so powerful!  Recently, God has been highlighting the word delight.

Delight used as a verb means "to please (someone) greatly".  God delights in me.  As his wayward daughter, he delights in me.  When I throw my doubts at him, he delights in me.  When I fight with him, he delights in me.  When I would rather not have anything to do with him for the moment, he still delights in me.  I please Him greatly.  He still wants to be with me.  He meets my needs in the most surprising ways...because he know that makes me happy.  He finds fun little trinkets in His creation to surprise me with...just because He delights in me.

"As you dance, I delight.  I have loved you all this time."

In the midst

Usually when I read blogs, I'm reading about how someone has triumphed over a hurdle, about being on the other side of the storm.

Well, I feel compelled to write in the midst of the storm.  Reading over my blogs since we've been at seminary I've noticed they aren't very uplifting stories.  God is ever present, and you can see His hand in every moment, but it just seems like a constant struggle for us...a constant uphill climb.  (I'll be nice and not insert the video to "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus before she fell off the crazy train.)

But it's constant mountains for us to climb.  Constant disappointments.  Constant tiredness.  Constant work.  Constantly trying to figure out how to do things a new way.  Constantly having our perspectives radically changed on the way we've always done things.  Constantly being brought to our knees.  A constant state of worship and awe for God who has placed us here for His glory.

Studying the book of Job in my Old Testament class a few weeks ago, I was brought to tears.  (Another constant in my life).  Job was having trials of every kind.  Nothing he had done to "deserve" all the bad that was happening to him.  He just wanted an explanation of why these things were happening.  After his friends try to explain in their limited logic, God finally shows up to comfort Job.  Job was probably hoping that God would bring in some cosmic answer to all his questions of "why?!" But he got no explanation from God...he simply got God's presence.  And God's presence was enough.

I cried because I realized that through all my constant struggles, God's presence is simply enough.  When I struggle is when I reach out for God the most.  So, embrace the struggle for that's where God is. 

As I watch him restore my daughter after a few months of sheer brokenness that breaks a momma's heart, God reminds me over and over that "I've got this."  Last night, my daughter and I sat in silence and listened to this song.  Tears streaming down my face as God reminded both of us that He's still here.  Always has been.  Climbs the mountains with us.  Fights the battles right alongside us. Never leaves us alone. 

I'm hoping to write a blog from the other side of the mountain soon.  Maybe even after we've made it to the top.  It may be a while, or it may be tomorrow.  Who knows?!  But we are still here faithfully climbing.  Corsarfam4....plus 1. 

Darkness

Today it's sunny.  BUT, for the last 8 days it was sheer darkness.  I was not able to write during the darkness.  It took the sunshine to allow me a clear brain to sit down and write.

My personality equals sunshine.  I literally cannot function in darkness and dreariness.  I can't be around negative people because it literally makes me insane!  I'm like a solar powered calculator.  Have you ever moved it out of the light just slightly and the numbers start to flicker on the screen?  That's me.

When I say it was sheer darkness for 8 days, that means it has been rainy, dreary, and cloudy for over a week!  I did come from that in North Dakota, but I also struggled in North Dakota.  It's something I was never able to overcome.  I didn't mind that dark, dreariness when snow was attached to it because I love the snow.  But here, it was just drizzling rain.  And I knew my beloved snow wasn't going to be coming. 

Well, this blog is sounding quite negative, isn't it?  If I was reading it on someone else's page, I'd probably be closing the tab about now.  But hear me out.  Our family moved to North Carolina out of an act of obedience to God.  Since we have been here nothing has been easy.  Literally everything has been an uphill climb.  My children are struggling with the change.  Seminary classes are HARD...way harder & deeper than college classes.  I've developed some rash/allergy to something here that stresses me because I am a healthy person!  Michael has to work crazy hours to be able fit work in around his class schedule.  Finances...I won't even get started on our budget.  *Whew*

You might be reading this thinking that other people have it way harder.  This is a thing that I know!  And I know plenty of those people who have an uphill climb in their lives as well.  But this is OUR uphill climb.  And honestly, I thought being obedient to God would make this whole journey pretty simple.  We are obeying God, after all.  Obedience equals blessing...that's what I've learned in my Old Testament studies so far.  I told Michael, during a pity party the other night that I threw that he never accepts my invitations for, that God must be really mad at us.  I said I wish He'd just leave us alone for a while so we can come up for air.

The next day, God showed me this video through a friend on facebook.  Smack me right between the eyes. Please take a moment to watch it.  It's powerful.

This man's darkness was extreme.  He was obedient and yet he still went through darkness.  We're all going to go through darkness.  And I KNOW that I find God more clearly in my darkness.  My human brain knows that.  But my human-ness just wants to be left alone sometimes. I just want to breeze through life and everything to be easy!

After this video, I know that God loves me.  God is pleased with my obedience.  God sees me as righteous.  He loves me too much to leave me to myself.  I am being sharpened and refined.

Someday, I'll understand this.  God, thank you for not leaving me alone.  Even during my pity parties.  Even during the dark, dreary days.  Thank you for making me sing it out loud at church Sunday when we sang The Lord our God..."from this darkness you will lead us, and forever we will say, You're the Lord our God!" And thank you for this message that you taught me so that I could turn right around and help my daughter through her darkest day this week.  God's timing is so good and so perfect.