New

Today I start my new year.  Putting away the Christmas decorations of the month past.  Putting fresh, new sheets on bedding.  Washing laundry to make it fresh and clean after a great week of celebrations!  Focusing on a new year and what I want to accomplish and change this year.  As I contemplate all these things, God gives me the word "new" to focus on.

My day began thinking of my precious cousin, Schawn, who is currently living in a new body with our Savior in Heaven.  She is in all new surroundings that would literally blow our minds just thinking of all the new sights and sounds she is experiencing!  I have always been fascinated with Heaven and longed for the day I get to see it!  I always get a little jealous of those who get to experience it before me. Morbid?  No.  That's where I'm created to live, so it's natural to feel a longing for it.

The word "new" is used numerous times in the Bible.  The verse that resounds in my head today is Lamentations 3:22-23, "The faithful love of the Lord never ends!  His mercies never cease.  GREAT IS HIS FAITHFULNESS; his mercies are NEW every morning." I read a Desiring God commentary that stated  God is not "old"; He is.  We are not young or old; we are.  It is a continuum of time on God's big timeline.  Everything that is in existence now is because that is where God has placed it on the timeline to exist for His glory.  Daily, He makes all things new because it is existing today for His glory. My cousin, who lost her mom, said she is just taking things "day by day".  That's exactly how we are to live.  God gives us the grace sufficient for one day.  I exist for His glory today. Tomorrow is not promised to me, but if I am blessed with another day, it is a new day. One more day to proclaim the glory of God. One more day in which He will be with me, walking beside me, giving me strength to do the task He has called me to do...today.

I can't stop singing "It is Well With My Soul" today.  The history of that great hymn goes something like this.  Horatio Spafford was a wealthy man in Chicago who was financially ruined after the Great Chicago Fire of 1871.  He was moving overseas on business, but had to send his wife and four daughters ahead so he could finish up a business venture.  Their ship collided with another sea vessel and sank instantly.  His wife was saved alone.  Horatio came to get his wife and while grieving the loss of his four daughters, he penned the words to this great hymn.  "When peace like a river attendeth my soul.  When sorrows like sea billows roll.  Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to know.  It is well, it is well, with my soul."

The people of the church he attend

ed and where he was an elder, decided that he and his wife must be living in great sin and these events were God's punishment on them, so they cast them from their church.  Can you imagine that pain?! After starting a new family with his wife, their four year old son soon died from scarlett fever. Sorrows like sea billows roll is certainly right.  But did they turn from God?  No.  They allowed the great pain in their life to be used by God to bring glory to His Kingdom.  

In this new year, I want to use whatever God gives me to bring glory to His Kingdom.  I want to live on His great timeline and not try to make it my own.  Whatever happens, it is well with my soul. 

Evan and I set up a mock recording studio this afternoon to honor my cousin's family and my family during this trying time of grief.  My 12 year old is amazing at his computer, so we hope you enjoy this recording session we shared together as I worked through my own grief.  It's all I have to offer to you...along with my prayers of comfort.  I love you Caudles, Browns, Slacks, Carters, Spanglers, Stuhans, and Williamsons.

Obedience

Usually when God speaks to me, it's in a gentle voice.  Kind of like, as a child, when your parent would gently ask you to clean your room or do a chore. At that point, you have a choice to obey or disobey.  If you disobey, the voice your parent uses becomes a little more harsh and loud.  And consequences soon follow. Know what I'm talking about?

Over a year ago, God told us to "Go."  He said it in a gentle voice and we obeyed.  Now I like to say that I'm "walking in obedience" because of that one act of obedience.  Recently, God has been teaching me that it's not a one time thing, but more like every  day.   Acting obediently and rightly every. single. day.
I expect my children to obey every day.  At the sound of your alarm clock, you wake up.  Obedience.  You get yourself dressed and out the door for school on time.  Obedience.  You respect the rules of our home.  Obedience.
Why was I thinking God was any different a parent than I am?

Of course, He's the perfect Father.  I, of course, am no where near the perfect child.  I have been quite disobedient for over a year now.  I've been a spoiled baby, is exactly what I've been.  God has been telling me gently that I need to start taking care of my body.  Treating it with more respect, keeping it healthy, feeding it properly, building strength instead of fat.  I've given in to "stress" and given myself permission to eat foods that comforted me instead of foods that healed me.  As God gently reminds me time and time again of His plans for me that are good, I am convicted of what I am doing to myself that is not good.

Obedience.  My choice.

I was convicted a few weeks ago during church.  Our amazing church is growing in number so we are currently in the process of building a larger building.  Larger buildings require funds to build them.  We've been talking about sacrificing things to be able to give to our church.  Joyfully giving out of obedience, sacrifice, and knowing God will provide a way for us.  My 12 year old son had been saving up money for a larger computer monitor. After his birthday he had enough money to be able to buy one that we found a great deal on for $60! He had his money in his pocket one Sunday because we were going to pick up the monitor that Sunday after church was over.  Before service started, he said, "Mom, I need to talk to you about something." He said he was feeling God asking him for that $60 to give to the church instead of buying something he didn't really need, but just wanted.  He wasn't sure what God could do with his measly $60, but his wise response to God was that he would definitely obey because he knew God would provide for him in His perfect timing.  Yes, my 12 year old responded with such joyful obedience & with full trust that God would provide for him. No closed fists....just an open palm raised to Heaven.

If my 12 year old can obey like that, then much older momma can stop acting like a spoiled brat and obey with her health, knowing that God will provide a way for her out of her joyful sacrifice.  Is it even the same concept?  YES!  God doesn't just want me to obey with my finances.  He wants me to obey with my talents, my choices, my health, my service...everything!! Everything I do should be a reflection of His glory in me.

So, tomorrow...during the week of Thanksgiving, God has called me to be obedient in the most difficult way possible (at least for me).  I will be starting a lifestyle change of portion control and exercise...did I mention over Thanksgiving?  God seems to make the challenges not quite so easy.  But He always provides a way for us to obey.  He sent an old friend to help me through this process with a program and some accountability.

His plans for me are GOOD!  What He will reveal after my step of obedience is something I cannot wait to see. My loving Father has told me to keep my hands out of the cookie jar, and I choose obedience.  I choose sacrifice and joy.  

Overwhelmed...again.

I think from now on I'll just title each blog entry as "Overwhelmed".  While we've been at seminary, our mind has been blown at least once a week!  God's provisions in this walk of our journey are truly AH-mazing!

I share things over and over again so that God will be glorified.  I share our weaknesses, as embarrassing as they are, so that God can be glorified in our weakness.  This one I'm going to share today may just possibly blow your mind as well. God truly is our Jehovah Jireh...the God who provides.

Michael had just returned from England.  Three weeks of not working equals very little money in your bank account.  We had a little saved up for a family trip to Arkansas to celebrate my momma's 70th birthday.  Money or not, I would have found a way to get there to honor her on her special day! We spent a little over a week with family we haven't seen in over a year, and friends who pray for us and help support us along this crazy journey we are on.  It was a week of refreshment, which we all desperately needed.

Long trips take money...a little more than we had.  We ended up having to spend out of our savings, which is where Michael's book money is located...and classes start Monday!  I had a 2 day drive home to praise God, to thank Him for our trip, and to ask for His provisions for a few needs our family had in the coming weeks.  A few important needs we had on a zero bank account.  I have learned to pray specifically for "needs".  "Wants" occur occasionally, but God is honing us on what our "needs" really are.  In my spirit, I felt at peace and felt God telling me just to wait until we get home and check the mail.  For as I'm learning...He already had provisions set up long before I discovered I needed them.

About a year ago, we had closed out some credit cards, as we are trying to be obedient with waiting on God's provisions and not charging things we think we need right away.  I have to admit, it's a little scary not to have that "safety net", even though it's not really a safety net.  Know what I mean?  Well, there on the table is an envelope from Bank of America.  Michael opened it wondering what they could possibly want since we don't use them anymore.  I'll quote exactly what the letter said...and I'll photograph it if you don't believe me.

"We have enclosed a check for you.  We want you to know we appreciate your commitment to our country and pride ourselves on serving you. Based on a recent review of your account, we may not have provided you the level of service you deserve, and are providing you this check. There is nothing you need to do other than cash your check.  Thank you for all you've done to serve and support our country."

$986.24

What credit card company reviews your account and feels they didn't give you the level of service you deserve and then gives money back to you?!  And what about the timing of that?  We sure needed that money RIGHT then! I can answer those questions with the simple answer...God.  God is bigger, God is greater.  Bigger than our looming financial needs, greater than any financial institution.

At present, our family is praying over a mission opportunity to Niger.  The cost seems big, looming.  Ebola on that continent seems scary and crazy for us to consider going.  But God is bigger.  God is greater.  As soon as we commit, God will provide.  After the check from Bank of America came in our time of need, Michael turned to me and said, "Are we done doubting yet?"  Yes, Lord.  In a thousand ways, Yes!

July 14

I think I'll now forever remember this date.  This picture was taken on that date.  It was our last Sunday in our beloved Grand Forks, North Dakota.  It was the day we were to say goodbye to friends who felt like family.  Goodbye to our perfect house that we had remodeled exactly like we wanted.  Good bye to the church who had launched us into ministry.  All because God said, "Go."

I was reminded of the date this year on July 14.  An overwhelming sadness lurched over me that day and I wasn't sure why.  I was looking through pictures during my little pity party when I came across this picture and realized the date was July 14, 2013.  We were all so happy then to follow God's Great Commission and GO!  We considered it a journey.  An adventure.

My life verse since about 2010 has been Psalm 37:23, "The Lord directs the steps of the godly.  He delights in every detail of their lives."  That verse has sustained me through A LOT!  So, why did it surprise me that when I went to my devotion book, "Jesus Calling" (that I received for Christmas this year) on July 14 that this verse was there to sustain me through a day of mourning my past friendships.

All I can say is God is good.  He has forever been good.  He will forever BE good.  Have we been through a year of hardship and sadness?  Yes.  But it's good.  It's growth.  It's obedience.  God delights in every detail of my life.

I have been offended...highly.

I am officially offended.  It takes a lot to offend me, so this one must be big.  In reference to the Hobby Lobby Supreme Court ruling, someone referred to Christians as the American Taliban.  Seriously?

As a Christian, I am expected by others to never publicly give my opinions on homosexuality, on government, on abortion, and so forth, because my beliefs are considered by the culture as "offensive", as "bigotry", as phobias, as "hateful". Since that is the case, how is it okay for someone who believes different from me to refer to ME as the American Taliban?  Do you know what the Taliban stood for?  Do you know the evilness that abounds in their hearts?

Do you realize there will come a day in our country (it's already happening outside of our country) when Christians will be killed?  Are you really okay with my death? Are you okay with Michael being beheaded for believing in and sharing Jesus with others?  Are you okay with Alex and Evan being shot in the head because they choose not to denounce their Lord and Savior?  Are you willing to kill ME because I believe contrary to you?  When you spout anti-Christian hate speech, you are hurting me and my family.

My sister in law is gay.  I love her deeply.  I love her girlfriend.  I do not spew anti-gay speech because I know that's a nail in her coffin.  I have friends who have had abortions, so I don't go off the rails telling them they are going to hell because I realize they are a soul God loves and He is a great redeemer. I don't advocate for anyone to die because their beliefs are different from mine. If you are a Muslim, I don't pray for you to die because of your beliefs.  You are still a soul God loves.

I believe our issue with such extreme polarization and hatefulness comes from the fact that on social media we can "say" whatever we want without seeing the repercussions of what we say.  Would you say to my face that you feel I act like the Taliban?  Would you say to my face that you hate me because of my beliefs?

To your face I would tell you I love you.  I will pray for you, for God to reveal Himself to you in a miraculous way.  And if you don't like hearing that to your face, then I'll pray for you privately and not post things that I know are detrimental to you.

I have so many friends who are all so different from me. I will never use words of hate to describe them.  So please don't refer to me, a Christian, as a member of the Taliban simply because I have a belief system that is different from yours.  I am proud to be a Christian.  The Bible will always be my final authority.  I am raising my kids to be pure, holy, and set apart, non-judgmental, and kind.  I am forgiving and passionate.  I have specific views on sex, raising kids, marriage, and family life.  They are MY beliefs. I realize they are contrary to public opinion and they flow counter to the current culture.  I'm okay with that.  And I will die for them.  Because if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. And I have earned the right to have MY beliefs because I sacrificed many years without my husband while he was off fighting for the freedoms we all enjoy.

I would expect you to stand for what you believe in as well.  And I will fight for you if anyone ever tries to claim your life.  So, yes, I'm offended.  But, I'll be okay.  God's got me.  And He is truly the only thing that makes sense when the world has gone crazy!

My "different" friends...I pray for you all daily.  I love reading your posts about your silly kids, your vacations, your jobs, and your pets.  And I do read all your posts that are far different from what I believe.    Just know that I'm reading and watching.  You can offend me, but I hope your not okay with killing me.  Even if you are...that's okay.  Christ in me, the hope of glory!

Thank you for letting me speak freely.

God is good...again.

That song, "One Thing Remains" has a line in it that reverberates in my soul.  "...on and on and on and on it goes.  It overwhelms and satisfies my soul."

Overwhelms.  Literally God's love breaks you from the weight of it.

I have to share another God story for you.  We are keeping our life as transparent as possible to show you the awesomeness of our Father.   I was at Student Life Mission Camp this week with Alex.  A great week of following God's call to missions and sharing His love with others.  The pastor for the week was Tony Merida, a great pastor from right here in Raleigh!  One night he shared a story with us to bring to life the verse in Philippians 4:19, "My God will supply all your needs...".  The story was of a youth minister he knows who had about $0.13 in his bank account. (Yes, we can relate to that right now.) This man and his wife needed simple things like milk and toilet paper that they couldn't provide that week. They decided nothing was too small for God to provide, so they prayed for toilet paper. That night as they slept, their youth group did what teens typically do to their youth ministers as a silly prank...they TP'ed their house!  They got spooked and only used one roll, then left the huge bag they had bought (of Charmin, by the way) on the porch.  The youth minister walked outside the next morning to a huge bag of super nice toilet paper on his porch.  Did God provide toilet paper?  YOU BET!

Of course, this story made me tear up like a baby in chapel that night.  I was telling the story to Michael when we got home and Alex said, "Seriously, mom.  You cried over the toilet paper story?"  Yes, dear one, I did.  Because God's love overwhelms and satisfies my soul and He has done the same thing for me.  My friend Tabitha provided super amazing toilet paper for us when Michael was unemployed a few years ago. I wrote about that in one of my blog posts a ways back if you want to read about that.

Anyway, this morning Michael walks out to his car to get something and notices a gas leak all over our driveway from his car.  He knows nothing about cars and fixing them.  This sounds like an expensive problem to fix and we don't have ANY extra money to get that fixed.  So I said, "Pray for toilet paper!" I am NOT exaggerating this story, just so you know...but right after that I start to open the mail that Michael had just brought in. In my soul something said, "Prepare to be amazed..."  I blew it off as my mind playing tricks on me.  I open some junk mail, then I see an envelope from Armed Forces Insurance which was the home owners insurance we used in North Dakota.  We had failed to cancel our policy after we sold our house a year ago!  They were sending our refund check in the amount of $1400. There was a second check in the envelope for $7.00.  Michael said, "I wonder what the $7 check is for?"  I said, "Well, that's just reminding us that this money is from God...because isn't 7 the number for God?  The number of completion?" We stood in the kitchen right there crying.  Being overwhelmed and satisfied.  Knowing that God cares about everything we need.  Even toilet paper.  And money to get the car fixed.

Prepare to be amazed.  God is good.  On and on and on and on it goes.  Again.   

One Year Down...

Within the past year, we have sold our home in North Dakota, moved ourselves across the country to North Carolina to attend seminary. We have gone from "plenty" to "want".  We have gone from "big" to "small".  We have gone from full speed ministry to rest.  

We've seen that when you move out of your comfort zone, you can see God so clearly.  Well, there are times when He's quite hazy and you're really not sure if He's there or not, but then He shows up to remind you, "I'm here....and in case you were wondering, I got this."

I think I've blogged all year of our "struggles", which we now view as blessings.  The past few weeks have been quite the "struggle", or blessing, I guess.  :)  Sometimes the college life, the endless studying, the working of crazy jobs at crazy hours...it all gets the best of you.  We live on the tightest shoestring budget we've ever lived on in our life.  But God is good.  And He provides...in crazy ways, but it's still provision, and we continue to make sure He gets all the glory for it.

Michael has a cool opportunity to study in England for a few weeks this summer.  There is an underlying God story to how he's able to go (for free), but that's another blog.  There is a ton of reading that must be done before he goes, while he's there, and even after he returns.  The whole summer will result in 6 hours of coursework.  He's super excited!  We sit down with the reading list and immediately Michael gets overwhelmed.  He's not a reader, by the way!  And the cost of the books is pretty steep.  Yes, we can get things cheap on Amazon, but when your budget is already stretched as tight as it can possibly get...well, think of the squeezing blood from a turnip analogy.

So, we turn to facebook to see if any of our friends might possibly have these books we can just borrow for a few months.  Most of them are C.S. Lewis books.  Great books to add to our ministry library, but that will have to happen another day.  For now, Michael just needs the books in his hands to start reading (for he will need all the time he can find to read them!) We were totally NOT prepared for what happened next.  Seriously.  God's crazy provisions, I tell ya.  

First, a fabulous Thrive friend from eons ago offers to buy us one of the books.  Then a girlfriend from high school offers to buy another book, calling it an investment.  Wow.  Thank you, God, for that little tidbit of encouragement  thrown in to remind us that we are walking the straight and extremely narrow, hard path, (one that we feel like hopping off of almost every day!) but affirming it as the right direction for us.  Then my dad shows up buying us the monster book that is 600 pages!  Eeek! Then my aunt chimes in to buy a book.  Then 4 other fabulous brothers and sisters in Christ throw their pennies in our hat.  Blown away.  We just wanted to borrow some books, but God chose to use His faithful followers to bless us another way.  We don't take that lightly.  Anytime God chooses to provide, it's HUGE for us!  It's huge because you allowed us a glimpse into the face of God.  I ask frequently for just a glimpse....today, He honored that request.  

This song has been reverberating in my soul for the past few weeks.  If it ever gets sang in church, my heart may just explode with the love of God.  We made it through a year.  And only with God's strength can I write that sentence.  Keep praying for us.  We have a few more years to go!  Blessings to all you big-hearted friends out there!  We LOVE YOU!