My personality equals sunshine. I literally cannot function in darkness and dreariness. I can't be around negative people because it literally makes me insane! I'm like a solar powered calculator. Have you ever moved it out of the light just slightly and the numbers start to flicker on the screen? That's me.
When I say it was sheer darkness for 8 days, that means it has been rainy, dreary, and cloudy for over a week! I did come from that in North Dakota, but I also struggled in North Dakota. It's something I was never able to overcome. I didn't mind that dark, dreariness when snow was attached to it because I love the snow. But here, it was just drizzling rain. And I knew my beloved snow wasn't going to be coming.
Well, this blog is sounding quite negative, isn't it? If I was reading it on someone else's page, I'd probably be closing the tab about now. But hear me out. Our family moved to North Carolina out of an act of obedience to God. Since we have been here nothing has been easy. Literally everything has been an uphill climb. My children are struggling with the change. Seminary classes are HARD...way harder & deeper than college classes. I've developed some rash/allergy to something here that stresses me because I am a healthy person! Michael has to work crazy hours to be able fit work in around his class schedule. Finances...I won't even get started on our budget. *Whew*
You might be reading this thinking that other people have it way harder. This is a thing that I know! And I know plenty of those people who have an uphill climb in their lives as well. But this is OUR uphill climb. And honestly, I thought being obedient to God would make this whole journey pretty simple. We are obeying God, after all. Obedience equals blessing...that's what I've learned in my Old Testament studies so far. I told Michael, during a pity party the other night that I threw that he never accepts my invitations for, that God must be really mad at us. I said I wish He'd just leave us alone for a while so we can come up for air.
The next day, God showed me this video through a friend on facebook. Smack me right between the eyes. Please take a moment to watch it. It's powerful.
This man's darkness was extreme. He was obedient and yet he still went through darkness. We're all going to go through darkness. And I KNOW that I find God more clearly in my darkness. My human brain knows that. But my human-ness just wants to be left alone sometimes. I just want to breeze through life and everything to be easy!
After this video, I know that God loves me. God is pleased with my obedience. God sees me as righteous. He loves me too much to leave me to myself. I am being sharpened and refined.
Someday, I'll understand this. God, thank you for not leaving me alone. Even during my pity parties. Even during the dark, dreary days. Thank you for making me sing it out loud at church Sunday when we sang The Lord our God..."from this darkness you will lead us, and forever we will say, You're the Lord our God!" And thank you for this message that you taught me so that I could turn right around and help my daughter through her darkest day this week. God's timing is so good and so perfect.