Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Fall Apart

I hear songs on the radio and assume God had them written just for me.  So many songs seem to apply to my life.  It's like someone is right inside the deepest part of me seeing what's going on and writes a very public song about it!  I'm pretty sure God has something to do with that.  This is the newest one I keep hearing and know it was written for me.

My favorite line is "How can I come to the end of me and somehow still have all I need?!"

I used to be all about keeping it all together.  Well, I still am to some degree.  My calendar is my lifeline and it's how I keep all our family activities organized.  I take my calendar everywhere, so it usually starts falling apart at this point in the year.  My friend laughed at me the other day stating that my "lifeline was falling apart." I decided I needed to get some organizational help for my calendar/lifeline.  I got a cute binder to keep my calendar pages in, but that was not enough.  So, off I went to Office Max to find some organizers for my binder, and I got a little giddy.  I hope no one noticed, but I was like a kid in a candy store.  I admitted that to my highly organized husband later that evening and a look of pride just swept across his face.  Maybe I'm finally arriving.  ;)  Now, don't be coming to me for organizing advice. I'm not that far into it.  I'm just starting off with binder organizers.  And I recently bought a few baskets to hold some things. (maybe I'm more organized that I originally thought...)

But the point is, I can try and organize my life all I want, but God usually has different ideas for me.  God lets me have my binder organizers and baskets, but when I try to make it look like my life is all together so that I can look good to other people, that's when God steps in to save me.  I'm learning that it's okay to fall apart.  It's okay to be a little disheveled at times.  (I've recently been spotted out and about without much makeup on lately, too!)  It's okay to be human.  When I'm wearing my mask of perfection, I don't seem to feel God's presence very much.  But when I let it all go and it starts to crumble a bit, that's when I feel God reaching in to save me.  I'm a princess...I like to be swept off my feet and saved.  I was created that way.  And God is all into the saving.

So, I'm going to do my job.  And I'm going to let God do His job.  I may fall apart every once in a while, but don't feel sorry for me.  It's all good.   My lifeline, on the other hand, won't be falling apart any time soon!

Friday, August 19, 2011

It's just a pencil

This is what my dad sends me every year around Back to School time.  He's done it for years and years.  I get a letter in the mail and it's a #2 pencil to take to school.  

I got my pencil in the mail today.  I opened it up and laughed and got a little tear in my eye.  My kids ran over to see what I was giggling about.  They looked up at me confused as to why I was tearing up over a pencil.  I told them my dad sends me a pencil every year to take back to school.  They roll their eyes and walk away thinking I've lost my mind.  

I love the little ways my dad shows me he loves me.  I love that he thinks about me frequently.  I love that even though I'm 38 years old, he still views me as his baby girl.  I love that he probably also got a tear in his eye when he was mailing my #2 pencil.  

My dad has always been my vision of my Heavenly Father.  God shows me every day how much He loves me in the littlest things.  He views me as a princess even though I'm viewed by others as too old to hold that title.  He gave me His one and only Son to show His love for me & I'm pretty sure He also had a tear in His eye when He sent me that gift. 

Fathers hold a special place in their daughter's lives.  Father's have a very strong power.  My husband watches how my dad treats me and wants to treat our daughter exactly the same!  I'm blessed.  

It's just a pencil....