Dreams

For the Lord your God is living among you.
    He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
    With his love, he will calm all your fears^.
    He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Zephaniah 3:17

I LOVE music!  It's one of my favorite things in the world.  You will never walk into my house without hearing some sort of music playing or hearing singing of some sort going on in my presence at all times.  It's just  THE thing that moves me.  We all have that one thing that motivates and inspires us.  That one thing that we love.  Mine is music.  If you've read ANY of my blogs, you know that God speaks to me through songs.

Growing up, music was my life.  I was in every choir and ensemble that I could possibly get in to!  Singing competitions, talent shows, anything I could sing in...I was there!  My idol at the time was Sandi Patti!  Wanted to be just like her.  Wanted to sing to packed out crowds and possibly be some sort of a rockstar when I grew up.  :)

This was my dream when I headed off to a college known for its music.  I was going to be a music major and just see where that led me.  The beginning of freshman year was always a Freshman Talent Show.  Check out the new talent coming into the music program.  I was prepared to "wow" the crowd with my amazing musical ability.  I think my ego got a bit inflated, ya think?  I had my song prepared...a song I had sang numerous times at numerous events.  I knew it like the back of my hand.  I walked out on stage and got the worse case of stage fright EVER.  I had never experienced that before.  They tried to start my song for me about 2 more times, but my mind had just gone blank.  I felt I was laughed off the stage, and literally flushed my dream right there at that moment.  It sealed the deal for me the following year when as a sophomore, I attended the freshman talent show and heard some people in front of me talking about that girl who froze on stage the previous year.  UGH!  I felt that was now my legacy. 

So, take that dream, and stuff it.  Didn't use my talent hardly at all for the next few decades.  (Yes, I am old enough to be able to use that term...sadly.) 

But I never stopped singing.  I just sang to myself.  In my car, when I was alone, when I was behind a screen at funerals when no one could see me, when I am tucking Evan into bed at night.  No one really even knew I had the talent.  I was never okay with that, and really missed being able to do what I absolutely loved, but just figured my time had passed and it was time for new dreams. Evan asks me constantly, "Mom, why don't sing anymore?"  *tears dude*

I live my life now absolutely in love with what God has me doing.   It was never my dream to work with kids, but God knew I would love it.  But He also reminded me today that He still loves to hear me sing His praises.  Recently, He spoke to our worship leader, Adrian,  and told him to ask me to sing with him this Sunday.  I was honored to be asked, but a little fearful that I'd get laughed off the stage again.  Satan crept into my thoughts dropping little bits of fear and doubt, as he does best.  Satan even caused this big ugly snafu among quite a few people to occur to take away my joy in the situation.  That ugly beast causes such train wrecks.  But I had to constantly pray through it and ask God to keep being my joy and to allow me to sing like He created me to sing.  I think THAT is what got me through the fear of my past.  An ugly situation (that Satan meant for harm) that draws you right into the arms of the Comforter (that God used for good). 

God is good.  And He rejoices over me with singing!  He rejoices over YOU, TOO!  Despite where you are with your dreams, He delights in you.  Let Him use your broken ugly pieces and turn them into that one thing you love...and that He loves, too.