Barbie Meltdown

Packing today was hard. Things got a little emotional for me. I've been slowly packing for about a month now. I'll put some things in a box here and there. I'm okay with packing because I know I'm taking those particular items with me. Getting rid of some things has been easy...no emotional attachment to certain things. But today, sent me flailing over the edge. We were packing up the toy room. When we moved here, we had shelves and shelves of toys. Bins of Hot Wheels, Barbies, Legos, board games, skateboard ramps, remote control cars, little lions and jungle animals. Well, my kids are no longer of an age to really play with those things anymore. We've slowly been weeding through toys over the years that they no longer want. Alex is really attached to her stuff, so we've held on to lots of her favorite toys of the past. Today, I went through the jungle animal box and kept only the lions that were once favored by my big cat enthusiast. Memories of my sweet little girl playing with her lions and tigers flooded my mind. We would hear constant growling and big cat sounds coming from her room. We'd peek in and lions would be devouring zebras. It's funny, but she would play that for hours. Then, I moved to the Barbie box. Over the years, we've dwindled the Barbie collection down to about 15 Barbies. She stopped playing with Barbies a few years ago, but I just can't let them go. Plus friends' daughters play with them when they come to our house. So, I always had a reason to keep them. I asked Alex today if there were any particular Barbies she wanted to keep, but she was adamant that she was ready to let them go. I have a friend we can give them to, and she was okay with that option. Michael grabbed the Barbie box and was about to put it aside in the give away pile. I jerked it away from him like I was grabbing for the last little bits of my daughter's childhood. I started sobbing over those Barbies and their clothes. I'm pretty sure I freaked my husband out just a little bit. But the memories of my sweet little girl were so strong that I just wanted to look through the Barbie box one last time. I then realized that when I leave Grand Forks, I am leaving my children, as children, behind. I am taking a pre-teen and a teenager with me to the next chapter of our life. Certain things are now just in my memories. I welcome the adventure we are going on, but it still pains my heart a little for what I no longer have. Human nature, I guess. That'll always be something I fight. I now have one little Rubbermaid box of "memory toys" that I just can't part with. I know it's just stuff, but I'm really attached to some of that stuff! Packing up my stuff and going through all of it has reminded me yet again of the blessings that fill my life. Blessings of great kids I had the privilege to raise. Blessings of the teenagers they are becoming and the joy they bring into my life. Grand Forks has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. When God puts you out in the middle of nowhere and dumps tons of snow and freezing temps on you, you learn how to find joy in Him. I'll miss this place SO much. But, it too, will live on in my memories. Blessed.

News?

Everyone keeps asking if we know anything yet about where we are moving.  NOPE.  Nadda.  Nothing. 

Am I worried?  Well, at times I let it worry me, but I'm getting really good at giving that worry back over to God.  We are still moving forward.  Our house has "sold"...that process takes a month or so, so at least we aren't homeless.  My house is slowly getting packed up.  We ordered the moving van, etc.  But we are still in the dark about where we are going.  Last we have heard is that it will be end of June now before we hear from the seminary boards.  (Thanks to the Southern Baptist Convention convening this month).

My wise husband calmed me with some really great wisdom in regards to having to wait.  I am still in charge of Thrive's children's ministry until June 23.  The thought of giving that over to someone else is killing me, so I'll blog about that one when I come to peace with it.   (See, it's a journey).  But Michael helped me see that if God reveals NOW where we are to go, then mentally I'll check out of Grand Forks and all my responsibilities here, and I'll start viewing my new life in the new location.  God still has plans for me here and I need to keep my focus on where I am planted until the uprooting process pulls my final roots. 

Isn't that how we are with everything in our lives?  When our kids are babies, we can't wait for them to sit up. Then we can't wait for them to walk.  Then talk.  Then drive.  (Well, I'm not sure I'm looking forward to that one just yet!) It seems we are always looking ahead for the next best thing.  At our jobs, we are always looking for the next promotion.  The next step.  God is teaching me now to enjoy the journey where it has taken me RIGHT NOW.  Tomorrow is another day.  God will be there waiting so I don't have to worry or fret.  My God is a God who never forgets.  He's holding my world in His hands.  So, I'll just keep on being me and doing what I do.  When God shows up with "orders", I'll be ready.  But for now, I'm still firmly planted in Grand Forks. 

"There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears." Philippians 1:6 The Message