Barbie Meltdown

Packing today was hard. Things got a little emotional for me. I've been slowly packing for about a month now. I'll put some things in a box here and there. I'm okay with packing because I know I'm taking those particular items with me. Getting rid of some things has been easy...no emotional attachment to certain things. But today, sent me flailing over the edge. We were packing up the toy room. When we moved here, we had shelves and shelves of toys. Bins of Hot Wheels, Barbies, Legos, board games, skateboard ramps, remote control cars, little lions and jungle animals. Well, my kids are no longer of an age to really play with those things anymore. We've slowly been weeding through toys over the years that they no longer want. Alex is really attached to her stuff, so we've held on to lots of her favorite toys of the past. Today, I went through the jungle animal box and kept only the lions that were once favored by my big cat enthusiast. Memories of my sweet little girl playing with her lions and tigers flooded my mind. We would hear constant growling and big cat sounds coming from her room. We'd peek in and lions would be devouring zebras. It's funny, but she would play that for hours. Then, I moved to the Barbie box. Over the years, we've dwindled the Barbie collection down to about 15 Barbies. She stopped playing with Barbies a few years ago, but I just can't let them go. Plus friends' daughters play with them when they come to our house. So, I always had a reason to keep them. I asked Alex today if there were any particular Barbies she wanted to keep, but she was adamant that she was ready to let them go. I have a friend we can give them to, and she was okay with that option. Michael grabbed the Barbie box and was about to put it aside in the give away pile. I jerked it away from him like I was grabbing for the last little bits of my daughter's childhood. I started sobbing over those Barbies and their clothes. I'm pretty sure I freaked my husband out just a little bit. But the memories of my sweet little girl were so strong that I just wanted to look through the Barbie box one last time. I then realized that when I leave Grand Forks, I am leaving my children, as children, behind. I am taking a pre-teen and a teenager with me to the next chapter of our life. Certain things are now just in my memories. I welcome the adventure we are going on, but it still pains my heart a little for what I no longer have. Human nature, I guess. That'll always be something I fight. I now have one little Rubbermaid box of "memory toys" that I just can't part with. I know it's just stuff, but I'm really attached to some of that stuff! Packing up my stuff and going through all of it has reminded me yet again of the blessings that fill my life. Blessings of great kids I had the privilege to raise. Blessings of the teenagers they are becoming and the joy they bring into my life. Grand Forks has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. When God puts you out in the middle of nowhere and dumps tons of snow and freezing temps on you, you learn how to find joy in Him. I'll miss this place SO much. But, it too, will live on in my memories. Blessed.