So, my new years resolution is to read the Bible through this year. I have resolved that in the past and only made it to the book of Numbers. I've been told that getting through the Old Testament is a bit tough, but so is pushing yourself through a work out regimen or changing your diet. So, I'm pushing through. It's actually kind of funny (not funny, haha, but funny as in "the way God works and lets you know what you need to know when you need to know it" kind of way). Starting me back over was exactly what I needed. Maybe kind of the way God decided to start our life in Grand Forks over again in 2010 (see http://corsarfam4.blogspot.com/2010/08/starting-over-in-same-place.html for details). I think if we would learn the lessons as they came around the first time, maybe we wouldn't be forced to relive them like that movie Groundhog Day. Oh, that movie irritated me. Anyway, I digress.
We have been in a holding pattern for a while now. Still serving and moving forward inches at a time...being obedient where God tells us to be obedient. But not sensing any real direction from God as to what He wants us to be doing. Walking in faith and seeking God, but not yet knowing exactly what He wants from us. More specifically from Michael. Maybe we're being tested to see if we'll be faithful in the small things before given any other tasks? If you read my blogs, you know that Michael is currently in a job where he is miserable. We've been praying for God to move him from that job into something better. Something less stressful and less trying! Michael has always been a go-getter guy...a man who makes things happen the way he wants them to happen. That's why he was so successful in the Air Force...he made things happen. But that was also a trait that God was trying to (and eventually did) break in him.
Cue the supportive wife (me) who claims to have tons of faith. I encourage my husband, pray for him, help him through these hard, difficult times. But the other day, I snap a little. Yes, even I can snap. It happens to the best of us. I told Michael that I was tired of watching him be miserable and I wanted him to just make something happen! Waiting on God is obviously too challenging and he needs to just go fix all this and figure everything out so we can move forward! Not exactly my best work as a wife, I'll admit.
Leave it to my Father to reign me back in. So, I start re-reading Genesis in my Bible reading plan. And God really draws me into the story of Sarah and her lack of faith in God to provide a child for she and Abraham in their old age. Instead of trusting God to do things in His way on His timetable, she takes things into her own hands and causes Abraham to have a child with Hagar, her maidservant. She doesn't think God has thought this through well enough and needs her help in making His plan happen. HELLO! No, I'm not allowing Michael to run off with my maid (if I even had a maid), but I am giving him permission to go back to his old ways of making things happen and not trusting in God to provide for our family. God has taught me that I might claim to have faith in Him, but it's really a little lacking...it's based on my human reasoning. And thankfully, our God is WAY BIGGER than my human reasoning.
I want to have a bigger faith. One that indicates I am fully immersed in God and ONLY what He wants for our family. We're still in a holding pattern, because we still have things to learn here. Paul was in prison for approximately 5-6 years of his ministry. A holding pattern it may have seemed, but actually a time when he could still minister, still write, still have experiences with God. So, I'm starting over AGAIN. Back to square one. Building my faith a little stronger than before.
Are you still pushing forward? Anyone up to Numbers yet? :)
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