All I Need

God keeps showing me so many things!  I prayed and asked Him to open my eyes to things I’ve never seen before.  I kind of meant that I wanted to see angels standing guard outside my doors…things like that. 

Instead, He has answered my prayer and is showing me attributes that are travesties…he’s showing me things I haven’t seen or noticed before that need to be changed. 

The coolest thing I’m seeing are people that God is madly in love with!  I’m seeing Christian people who live out of their comfort zone, who are fully invested in God, who seem to keep experiencing “trials”…I’m seeing those things in a backwards way.  The backwards message of the Cross, some have called it.  We typically see God’s blessings as tons of money, a big house, a nice car.  I’m starting to see God’s blessings for what they really are.  Struggles, things that take you to your knees, illness that doesn’t seem to heal, rains that keep falling…those are the blessings.

Backwards?  Yes.  Because the trials and the struggles are what run us straight into God’s arms.  And that’s where He created us to be!!  We seem to take Him out of the equation when life is good.  So, to get us where He wants us, trials abound. 

My dad, who is God’s very best friend, has suffered with shingles for many agonizing months.  My heart breaks for him, but I know God is holding him, so I don’t have to worry about him.  It hurts, but he’s at peace…right where he’s supposed to be.  A dear friend lost her son before Christmas.  The pain I feel in my heart for her is NOTHING compared to the pain she is feeling.  But God has her right in the palm of His hand where true peace exists, so I know she’s okay.  A friend has come to Grand Forks with nothing but the clothes on his back.  He is experiencing true trials right now, but as he stated, “This is where God wants me.  He wants me to be still and wait for Him to provide.”  The trials are where God is!  Of course, He’s there in your success and easiness, too, but we don’t lean into Him as deeply during those times.  Have you noticed that? 

God has opened my eyes to our apathy.  I’m seeing a lot of people who truly just want to be comfortable, and that to them is more important than doing uncomfortable things for God’s people or for God's glory.  My house is so comfortable and warm, so I don’t make time for those who need me outside the walls of my house.  Those are some things I really didn’t want to see when I asked God to show me things I had never seen before.  Those things make me angry, so I’m going to have to now ask God to show me how to do something about it, or how to make peace with it.  But in the meantime, I’m living outside my comfort zone.  That’s where God is.  I hope you’ll view your trials and your struggles as a gift from God.  And if you can’t see the gift, ask Him to show you.  Step out and realize He is truly all you need!

Dreams

For the Lord your God is living among you.
    He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
    With his love, he will calm all your fears^.
    He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Zephaniah 3:17

I LOVE music!  It's one of my favorite things in the world.  You will never walk into my house without hearing some sort of music playing or hearing singing of some sort going on in my presence at all times.  It's just  THE thing that moves me.  We all have that one thing that motivates and inspires us.  That one thing that we love.  Mine is music.  If you've read ANY of my blogs, you know that God speaks to me through songs.

Growing up, music was my life.  I was in every choir and ensemble that I could possibly get in to!  Singing competitions, talent shows, anything I could sing in...I was there!  My idol at the time was Sandi Patti!  Wanted to be just like her.  Wanted to sing to packed out crowds and possibly be some sort of a rockstar when I grew up.  :)

This was my dream when I headed off to a college known for its music.  I was going to be a music major and just see where that led me.  The beginning of freshman year was always a Freshman Talent Show.  Check out the new talent coming into the music program.  I was prepared to "wow" the crowd with my amazing musical ability.  I think my ego got a bit inflated, ya think?  I had my song prepared...a song I had sang numerous times at numerous events.  I knew it like the back of my hand.  I walked out on stage and got the worse case of stage fright EVER.  I had never experienced that before.  They tried to start my song for me about 2 more times, but my mind had just gone blank.  I felt I was laughed off the stage, and literally flushed my dream right there at that moment.  It sealed the deal for me the following year when as a sophomore, I attended the freshman talent show and heard some people in front of me talking about that girl who froze on stage the previous year.  UGH!  I felt that was now my legacy. 

So, take that dream, and stuff it.  Didn't use my talent hardly at all for the next few decades.  (Yes, I am old enough to be able to use that term...sadly.) 

But I never stopped singing.  I just sang to myself.  In my car, when I was alone, when I was behind a screen at funerals when no one could see me, when I am tucking Evan into bed at night.  No one really even knew I had the talent.  I was never okay with that, and really missed being able to do what I absolutely loved, but just figured my time had passed and it was time for new dreams. Evan asks me constantly, "Mom, why don't sing anymore?"  *tears dude*

I live my life now absolutely in love with what God has me doing.   It was never my dream to work with kids, but God knew I would love it.  But He also reminded me today that He still loves to hear me sing His praises.  Recently, He spoke to our worship leader, Adrian,  and told him to ask me to sing with him this Sunday.  I was honored to be asked, but a little fearful that I'd get laughed off the stage again.  Satan crept into my thoughts dropping little bits of fear and doubt, as he does best.  Satan even caused this big ugly snafu among quite a few people to occur to take away my joy in the situation.  That ugly beast causes such train wrecks.  But I had to constantly pray through it and ask God to keep being my joy and to allow me to sing like He created me to sing.  I think THAT is what got me through the fear of my past.  An ugly situation (that Satan meant for harm) that draws you right into the arms of the Comforter (that God used for good). 

God is good.  And He rejoices over me with singing!  He rejoices over YOU, TOO!  Despite where you are with your dreams, He delights in you.  Let Him use your broken ugly pieces and turn them into that one thing you love...and that He loves, too.

God's Masterpiece

There are things in life that you can't believe you are a part of!  Things that you can't believe you are old enough to do.  Tasks you can't believe God would trust you enough to have you do. 

This is where I am in my life right now.  I've recently began to view the last 6 years of my life in North Dakota as a testing ground.  A place where God sent me to give me a series of life's tests.  As I sequentially passed each test, I was given a little more favor and a little more ground on which I was to build.  The Bible tells us that to whom much is given, much is expected...even required. 

At present, God has us building a church.  A church building to house the Church we have been a part of for the past 6 years.  Being the children's minister, I am in charge of building the children's area.  God has prompted me that our children's areas will resemble an art gallery.  Children will be reminded that they are fearfully and wonderfully made!  Children will be reminded that they are God's masterpiece!  They were created VERY GOOD, and nothing they could ever do would alter God's opinion of them. 

My life has been chiseled into something grand the past 6 years.  Nothing of my own doing.  Just a constant laying down of my desires and taking up only what God desires for my life.  I haven't always been on board with what He's chosen to do.  There have been quite a few painful bumps in the road.  Some places where I feel my canvas had to be repainted to start again.  God is still chiseling away parts of me that make me ugly.  I'm definitely a work in progress! 

This video perfectly describes the vision behind our new children's space.  It describes my heart for the kids that God has entrusted me with!  My heart to make sure they see themselves fully as God sees them.  For them to know they are an ORIGINAL masterpiece, priceless to their Creator.

I've missed you!

WOW!  Over 2 months since my last post.  Life has been a roller coaster, and it's just not stopping to let me off!  I think of things to write about, but just don't make the time.  Today, I'm sitting down at my computer with a nice cup of hot tea and making time for what God has laid on my heart. 

If you have read any of my past posts, you know that God speaks to me through songs.  Psalm 40:3 says, "He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see what He has done and be amazed.  They will put their trust in the Lord."  I'll hear a new song on the radio, or sometimes even hear an old song, and God stirs up my heart something He wants me to learn from that song.  Then it becomes a long process of researching things in the song or just watching how God reveals things out of that song to me in other ways. 

This is the most current song that God is speaking through.  Chris Tomlin, "Whom Shall I Fear?"

The first time I heard it I focused on The God of Angel Armies.  In my bible reading it has constantly been talking about The God of heaven's armies.  I'm reading about Elisha and how he asked God to open the eyes of his servant to see the angel armies all around them.  (How many times have I asked God to open my eyes to see that?!)  There was even a children's church lesson that I got to teach about that story.  God has been showing me that He is all around.  Protecting us, supporting us, keeping us walking where we need to be walking.

Even in a season when my spirits have been a little more down than usual, God has shown me that I'm down, but not out.  He is protecting me from Satan's fiery darts even as I lay helpless.  Kind of reminds me from something from Narnia and the battles they fought.

More recently, I've been focusing in that song on the phrase, "You are faithful!"   The Corsars are strong, but we are only strong because God is faithful to us.  Without him, we would crumble.  We feel so many attacks, but I'm starting to feel that God is taking the brunt of those attacks for us.  We are only feeling some slight aftershocks of what is going on around us.  If my spirit eyes were opened, I would see flaming horses and the biggest brightest angels positioned all around my house.  They are trotting alongside my van.  They are filled shoulder to shoulder in our new church.  Swinging from the rafters, they are. Swooping down the give high fives to the kids who fill the children's areas.  They position themselves outside of Michael's office while he's trying to study.  That is one place they are definitely fighting hard for now.  It seems when you dive in to do the things God wants you to do, you might as well walk outside with a bullseye on your back.  And man, those attacks hurt!

Regardless, God is faithful.  "Nothing formed against me shall stand.  You hold the whole world in Your hands.  I'm holding on to Your promises.  You are faithful!"

That's where we'll be standing...should you need us. 

Giving Up!

Wow!  I haven't posted since July!  It's funny how summer just consumes your every moment.  And we didn't really do anything of any value.  Just acted like bums.  And that was truly needed! 

I'm writing today to make it official that I am giving up.  Michael and I have been trying to "figure out" God's will for our lives for so long now.  It's exhausting.  The Bible tells us to seek God with all our heart and we will find Him.  Well, it's not that we've lost Him...we've always had Him.  We just can't seem to read the language written in the next chapter of our book.  Our secret decoder ring hasn't yet arrived.

So, in the meantime, we keep trying to figure it all out on our own.  Something unusual will happen and we try and spin it to fit what we think is God's will for our life.  Or someone will say something profound to us and we will try and make that fit into something God is trying to get us to hear.  Or we will read something and  try to fit that into this box we have our future in.  The only problem with this is that we think we know what God wants for us, when in reality, we really don't know anything!  So many things keep happening that we think is God's will for us, but then they aren't coming to fruition.  We've thought we've found God's will about 20 times in the past 2 years that we've surrendered our lives wholeheartedly to His service.  But yet, we are still here doing the exact same things we were doing 2 years ago.  And being quite successful at those things, by the way. 

So, we've just decided to give up!  Give up trying to put God in our little box of what we think is right.  Give up listening to what other people think God is doing in our life.  Give up reading into everything that happens as some big cosmic answer to our question.  I sat reading Ecclesiastes yesterday (I'm a few months behind in my One Year Bible, but at least I am still reading) and Solomon kept talking about how everything in life is truly meaningless.  Even human wisdom and trying to figure everything out is meaningless, because no one knows which way the wind will blow or what will happen.  So, basically, STOP TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT!  "Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time.  He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end."  (Ecc. 3: 11)

God is using us right where He has planted us.  And we are filled with joy.  It's not that we will quit reading our story, but we will wait patiently for God to finish writing it.  We will just keep on walking the road we are on until God puts a turn in the road.  And if it's His will to keep us doing exactly what we are doing, then so be it.  I will be beautiful in the time God has prepared for me right now. 

Work within your GIFTS

I've found the older I get, the slower I get.  Not only physically, but brain connections seem to be a bit slower, too!  God speaks to me through words, and the word that I've finally gotten the connection to is GIFTS.  I say "finally" because God has given me this word since April & it's just now dawning on me that He's been trying to speak to me! 

In April, Alex and I went to a teen conference called Revolve.  The shirts that were made for us claim we are "Favored, created with special advantages or gifts".  The verse on the back of the shirt is Romans 12:6 " We all have different gifts that God has given to us by His loving favor.  We are to use them."

So, then in May our church was working on a big banquet to raise money for our building fund.  I was on the decorating and set up team.  I was working under someone who is highly gifted in those sorts of things!  She showed us how to put on the table linens and fold the napkins in this super cute way.  I quickly picked up how to fold these napkins.  Easy for me.  My friend, Lea, on the other hand, could not quite get the hang of folding these napkins.  But what she was good at was lining up the place settings.  Sounds silly and simple, but isn't that how life is?  Work within the gifts you have.  Don't try and fold napkins if you are good at something else. 

So, here's where things start to click with me.  I'm doing my bible reading (which I am sorely behind in, but that's okay!!)  and it is talking about the giftedness of certain people to build the temple in 1 Chronicles.  My church has recently began the building process on our long-awaited building.  I find it "ironic" that we have so many gifted people in our church right now to help build the temple.  We have an architect, who has drafted all the plans for us; a painter, an interior designer, several contractors/carpenters, those who work at specific businesses that are donating items to the church.  I just find it amazing that God brought all those people together at such a time as this to all use their gifts for the building of His temple. 

All of this has been teaching me to stop trying to be good at EVERYTHING.  That truly wears me out.  But it has taught me to just start focusing on what I am gifted at doing.  Hand off everything else to people who are gifted in things where I am weak.  That's how the body of Christ works.  God has chosen me to do my part in building His Kingdom.  I don't have to do it all on my own.  (This is a lesson that I've been needing to learn for MANY years!)  I am highly favored and gifted! 

This verse sums it all up for me.  1 Chronicles 28:9-10 "And Solomon, my son, learn to know the God of your ancestors intimately.  Worship and serve him with your whole heart and a willing mind.  For the Lord sees every heart and knows every plan and thought.  If you seek him, you will find him.  But if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.  So, take this seriously.  The Lord has chosen you to build the Temple as his sanctuary.  Be strong, and do the work."

Redeemed

I have SO many things I want to write about.  I haven't blogged since May because life has just gotten so busy.  Summer has taken over!  I'll just have to find time to write about all the things flooding my mind.  But today, I'm going to pick the most recent thing. 

I've been in ministry now for almost 6 years.  I love my job working with children.  Most days are fun, some days are not so fun.  But God is there in all the days, so it's all good.  I work for God, and He's an awesome boss.  Some days I lose sight of the fact that He's who I work for.  It's those days that make ministry unbearable.  I recently had one of those days of unbearable-ness.  Is that a word?  Because that's how I felt.  All of a sudden I felt that nothing made sense, nothing was working properly, I was a failure, unworthy of my position, etc.  Everything came crashing down on me. 

It's not that I'm prideful about my job, but I do take my job very seriously.  Statistics show that if a person does not accept Christ by the age of 12, they'll have a hard time in adulthood making sense of His existence.  The way a child is treated in church will determine if that child continues going to church as a teen/adult.  A lot rides on children's ministry.  That's why I have an awesome prayer warrior who upholds this ministry in prayer and prays away any evil influence on it.  The spiritual warfare is great for children's pastors and their ministry. 

I don't run my ministry, God does.  It's God who floods my mind with great ideas, object lessons, games, etc, to help kids see Him.  I'm just His hands and feet.  I'm an emptied out tool that allows God to use me to reach kids.  Sunday, I let someone talk to me in a way that made me feel that instead of a warrior, I was a failure.  I let this person take my self-esteem from me and trample it.  It did not feel good. 

My self-esteem and my worth come solely from Christ and the way He sees me.  He sees me as perfect and redeemed.  Wholly beautiful, valuable, and flawless.  God wants me to stop trying to make my ministry great, because He has already done that.  Stop trying to DO everything, and just relish in the fact that the war is already won.  Christ has already DONE everything that needs to be done.  I just have to give it to Him every week and allow Him to use me as He sees fit.  I am redeemed.  I've been set free.