There are things in life that you can't believe you are a part of! Things that you can't believe you are old enough to do. Tasks you can't believe God would trust you enough to have you do.
This is where I am in my life right now. I've recently began to view the last 6 years of my life in North Dakota as a testing ground. A place where God sent me to give me a series of life's tests. As I sequentially passed each test, I was given a little more favor and a little more ground on which I was to build. The Bible tells us that to whom much is given, much is expected...even required.
At present, God has us building a church. A church building to house the Church we have been a part of for the past 6 years. Being the children's minister, I am in charge of building the children's area. God has prompted me that our children's areas will resemble an art gallery. Children will be reminded that they are fearfully and wonderfully made! Children will be reminded that they are God's masterpiece! They were created VERY GOOD, and nothing they could ever do would alter God's opinion of them.
My life has been chiseled into something grand the past 6 years. Nothing of my own doing. Just a constant laying down of my desires and taking up only what God desires for my life. I haven't always been on board with what He's chosen to do. There have been quite a few painful bumps in the road. Some places where I feel my canvas had to be repainted to start again. God is still chiseling away parts of me that make me ugly. I'm definitely a work in progress!
This video perfectly describes the vision behind our new children's space. It describes my heart for the kids that God has entrusted me with! My heart to make sure they see themselves fully as God sees them. For them to know they are an ORIGINAL masterpiece, priceless to their Creator.
WOW! Over 2 months since my last post. Life has been a roller coaster, and it's just not stopping to let me off! I think of things to write about, but just don't make the time. Today, I'm sitting down at my computer with a nice cup of hot tea and making time for what God has laid on my heart.
If you have read any of my past posts, you know that God speaks to me through songs. Psalm 40:3 says, "He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what He has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord." I'll hear a new song on the radio, or sometimes even hear an old song, and God stirs up my heart something He wants me to learn from that song. Then it becomes a long process of researching things in the song or just watching how God reveals things out of that song to me in other ways.
This is the most current song that God is speaking through. Chris Tomlin, "Whom Shall I Fear?"
The first time I heard it I focused on The God of Angel Armies. In my bible reading it has constantly been talking about The God of heaven's armies. I'm reading about Elisha and how he asked God to open the eyes of his servant to see the angel armies all around them. (How many times have I asked God to open my eyes to see that?!) There was even a children's church lesson that I got to teach about that story. God has been showing me that He is all around. Protecting us, supporting us, keeping us walking where we need to be walking.
Even in a season when my spirits have been a little more down than usual, God has shown me that I'm down, but not out. He is protecting me from Satan's fiery darts even as I lay helpless. Kind of reminds me from something from Narnia and the battles they fought.
More recently, I've been focusing in that song on the phrase, "You are faithful!" The Corsars are strong, but we are only strong because God is faithful to us. Without him, we would crumble. We feel so many attacks, but I'm starting to feel that God is taking the brunt of those attacks for us. We are only feeling some slight aftershocks of what is going on around us. If my spirit eyes were opened, I would see flaming horses and the biggest brightest angels positioned all around my house. They are trotting alongside my van. They are filled shoulder to shoulder in our new church. Swinging from the rafters, they are. Swooping down the give high fives to the kids who fill the children's areas. They position themselves outside of Michael's office while he's trying to study. That is one place they are definitely fighting hard for now. It seems when you dive in to do the things God wants you to do, you might as well walk outside with a bullseye on your back. And man, those attacks hurt!
Regardless, God is faithful. "Nothing formed against me shall stand. You hold the whole world in Your hands. I'm holding on to Your promises. You are faithful!"
That's where we'll be standing...should you need us.
Wow! I haven't posted since July! It's funny how summer just consumes your every moment. And we didn't really do anything of any value. Just acted like bums. And that was truly needed!
I'm writing today to make it official that I am giving up. Michael and I have been trying to "figure out" God's will for our lives for so long now. It's exhausting. The Bible tells us to seek God with all our heart and we will find Him. Well, it's not that we've lost Him...we've always had Him. We just can't seem to read the language written in the next chapter of our book. Our secret decoder ring hasn't yet arrived.
So, in the meantime, we keep trying to figure it all out on our own. Something unusual will happen and we try and spin it to fit what we think is God's will for our life. Or someone will say something profound to us and we will try and make that fit into something God is trying to get us to hear. Or we will read something and try to fit that into this box we have our future in. The only problem with this is that we think we know what God wants for us, when in reality, we really don't know anything! So many things keep happening that we think is God's will for us, but then they aren't coming to fruition. We've thought we've found God's will about 20 times in the past 2 years that we've surrendered our lives wholeheartedly to His service. But yet, we are still here doing the exact same things we were doing 2 years ago. And being quite successful at those things, by the way.
So, we've just decided to give up! Give up trying to put God in our little box of what we think is right. Give up listening to what other people think God is doing in our life. Give up reading into everything that happens as some big cosmic answer to our question. I sat reading Ecclesiastes yesterday (I'm a few months behind in my One Year Bible, but at least I am still reading) and Solomon kept talking about how everything in life is truly meaningless. Even human wisdom and trying to figure everything out is meaningless, because no one knows which way the wind will blow or what will happen. So, basically, STOP TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT! "Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end." (Ecc. 3: 11)
God is using us right where He has planted us. And we are filled with joy. It's not that we will quit reading our story, but we will wait patiently for God to finish writing it. We will just keep on walking the road we are on until God puts a turn in the road. And if it's His will to keep us doing exactly what we are doing, then so be it. I will be beautiful in the time God has prepared for me right now.
I've found the older I get, the slower I get. Not only physically, but brain connections seem to be a bit slower, too! God speaks to me through words, and the word that I've finally gotten the connection to is GIFTS. I say "finally" because God has given me this word since April & it's just now dawning on me that He's been trying to speak to me!
In April, Alex and I went to a teen conference called Revolve. The shirts that were made for us claim we are "Favored, created with special advantages or gifts". The verse on the back of the shirt is Romans 12:6 " We all have different gifts that God has given to us by His loving favor. We are to use them."
So, then in May our church was working on a big banquet to raise money for our building fund. I was on the decorating and set up team. I was working under someone who is highly gifted in those sorts of things! She showed us how to put on the table linens and fold the napkins in this super cute way. I quickly picked up how to fold these napkins. Easy for me. My friend, Lea, on the other hand, could not quite get the hang of folding these napkins. But what she was good at was lining up the place settings. Sounds silly and simple, but isn't that how life is? Work within the gifts you have. Don't try and fold napkins if you are good at something else.
So, here's where things start to click with me. I'm doing my bible reading (which I am sorely behind in, but that's okay!!) and it is talking about the giftedness of certain people to build the temple in 1 Chronicles. My church has recently began the building process on our long-awaited building. I find it "ironic" that we have so many gifted people in our church right now to help build the temple. We have an architect, who has drafted all the plans for us; a painter, an interior designer, several contractors/carpenters, those who work at specific businesses that are donating items to the church. I just find it amazing that God brought all those people together at such a time as this to all use their gifts for the building of His temple.
All of this has been teaching me to stop trying to be good at EVERYTHING. That truly wears me out. But it has taught me to just start focusing on what I am gifted at doing. Hand off everything else to people who are gifted in things where I am weak. That's how the body of Christ works. God has chosen me to do my part in building His Kingdom. I don't have to do it all on my own. (This is a lesson that I've been needing to learn for MANY years!) I am highly favored and gifted!
This verse sums it all up for me. 1 Chronicles 28:9-10 "And Solomon, my son, learn to know the God of your ancestors intimately. Worship and serve him with your whole heart and a willing mind. For the Lord sees every heart and knows every plan and thought. If you seek him, you will find him. But if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. So, take this seriously. The Lord has chosen you to build the Temple as his sanctuary. Be strong, and do the work."
I have SO many things I want to write about. I haven't blogged since May because life has just gotten so busy. Summer has taken over! I'll just have to find time to write about all the things flooding my mind. But today, I'm going to pick the most recent thing.
I've been in ministry now for almost 6 years. I love my job working with children. Most days are fun, some days are not so fun. But God is there in all the days, so it's all good. I work for God, and He's an awesome boss. Some days I lose sight of the fact that He's who I work for. It's those days that make ministry unbearable. I recently had one of those days of unbearable-ness. Is that a word? Because that's how I felt. All of a sudden I felt that nothing made sense, nothing was working properly, I was a failure, unworthy of my position, etc. Everything came crashing down on me.
It's not that I'm prideful about my job, but I do take my job very seriously. Statistics show that if a person does not accept Christ by the age of 12, they'll have a hard time in adulthood making sense of His existence. The way a child is treated in church will determine if that child continues going to church as a teen/adult. A lot rides on children's ministry. That's why I have an awesome prayer warrior who upholds this ministry in prayer and prays away any evil influence on it. The spiritual warfare is great for children's pastors and their ministry.
I don't run my ministry, God does. It's God who floods my mind with great ideas, object lessons, games, etc, to help kids see Him. I'm just His hands and feet. I'm an emptied out tool that allows God to use me to reach kids. Sunday, I let someone talk to me in a way that made me feel that instead of a warrior, I was a failure. I let this person take my self-esteem from me and trample it. It did not feel good.
My self-esteem and my worth come solely from Christ and the way He sees me. He sees me as perfect and redeemed. Wholly beautiful, valuable, and flawless. God wants me to stop trying to make my ministry great, because He has already done that. Stop trying to DO everything, and just relish in the fact that the war is already won. Christ has already DONE everything that needs to be done. I just have to give it to Him every week and allow Him to use me as He sees fit. I am redeemed. I've been set free.
Recklessly abandoned. Interesting concept. One that kept "popping up" around me for the past week. We had a decision to make that we really needed to consult God about. A big decision that we didn't want to make on our own. The response to my question for God were these words. Recklessly abandon. The response God gave Michael to our big decision was "everything". The concepts are the same. To recklessly abandon means to give up everything. Here are a few of the meanings I found in some searches I did. (1) To do something without regard to the consequences (2) To completely surrender to natural impulses (3) To take the plunge despite the possible outcome (4) Just go for it without worrying about anything.
So, today, we gave everything with reckless abandon. I have no idea what God will do with what we did, but we were obedient and that's really all that matters. I was reading an article in Relevant Magazine which said, "In the end, only God can judge how much risk is too much. Heck, even
driving to work is risky. So we need Him with us in everything we do. If
we are endlessly working a day job to pay off the subprime mortgage, as
a Christian, we should still bring Christ with us. “Let every detail in
your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master,
Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way“ (Colossians 3:17,
The Message)." It also stated this powerful point, "When we agree to follow the person and teachings of Jesus, we agree to
surrender our plan for His, and by definition, that means we agree to a
massive amount of personal risk. In our journey of faith and life, He
can take us anywhere and allow anything to happen. He can take life and
give life, no matter its duration. He extracts meaning from the briefest
physical existence that we know."
I'm tired of living a "comfortable" life. I want to live differently. I want to live with reckless abandon for my God. Giving Him everything with no thought of the consequence. I want to recklessly love God! With no thought of how I'm going to manage things now. Letting it go. I can't wait to tell you soon about what God has done! Serving Christ is NEVER boring...that's for certain!
I am so in love with my daughter. I'm in love with my son, too, but this weekend, God gave me revelations about the love I have for my daughter. Sweet Alex was chosen to be the Queen of Sheba in her school dinner theater. She worked so hard at memorizing lines and learning a solo she had to sing. She did so well, and I was SO proud of her! Part of my job, as the Queen of Sheba's mother, was to do her make up and get her costume together to make her look like a queen!
I spent a lot of time researching make up of the era to try and make her look like an Egyptian queen. I spent time at Sally Beauty Supply talking with the "experts" there about doing her hair and trying to dye it black. (We were unsuccessful at that because I put my foot down when it came to permanently dying her hair black!) I spent time finding really cool things to make her absolutely beautiful, because she was the Queen of Sheba, by the way! She had to be stunning!
Everytime I would find something beautiful for her costume, I couldn't wait to show it to her and surprise her with what I'd bought. I knew she's be ecstatic with the super cool gold necklace I found her at Gordmans. (I loved it not only because it was cool, but because it was on clearance for $5.00!) This whole process opened my eyes to the love my Father has for me, His little princess.
I am royalty. God only provides the very best for me. He has in mind exactly how He wants me to look for this role I am to play in life. And more importantly, He is so proud of me. He is madly in love with me, His daughter. A friend once told me, "You are God's favorite!" I have to tell myself that over and over again because there are times when I feel I've lost my shine. But even then, when I don't feel as pretty as I should, I am still God's favorite. And so are you. When I forget my lines and flub up my song, He is still proud of me. He's proud of me because it's not about my performance or how many jewels make me sparkly, but simply because He loves me. Period.
Thanks, little Queen of Sheba, for letting me love you. And for allowing God to teach me a lesson through your beauty!
Perspective. Life can be changed with just the change of perspective. One time when I was going through a rough spot and wondering why God seemed to keep giving me hard things to deal with, my dad sent me this email. Put things into perspective for me. This is supposedly a true story which makes it even cooler!
THE ANT AND THE CONTACT LENS
Brenda was almost halfway to the top of the tremendous granite cliff. She
was standing on a ledge where she was taking a breather during this, her
first rock climb. As she rested there, the safety rope snapped against her
eye and knocked out her contact lens.
'Great', she thought. 'Here I am on a rock ledge, hundreds of feet from
the bottom and hundreds of feet to the top of this cliff, and now my sight
is blurry.' She looked and looked, hoping that somehow it had landed on
the ledge. But it just wasn't there.
She felt the panic rising in her, so she began praying. She prayed for
calm, and she prayed that she might find her contact lens. When she got to
the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but it
was not to be found. Although she was calm now that she was at the top,
she was saddened because she could not clearly see across the range of
mountains. She thought of the bible verse 'The eyes of the Lord run to and
fro throughout the whole earth.'
She thought, 'Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone
and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help
me.'
Later, when they had hiked down the trail to the bottom of the cliff they
met another party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One
of them shouted out, 'Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?'
Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it?
An ant was moving slowly across a twig on the face of the rock, carrying
it!
The story doesn't end there. Brenda's father is a cartoonist. When she
told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact
lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with the
caption, 'Lord, I don't know why you want me to carry this thing. I can't
eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what you want me to do;
I'll carry it for you.'
I think it would do all of us some good to say, 'God, I don't know why you
want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully
heavy. But, if you want me to carry it, I will.'
Can you blog twice in one day?! I'm just so overwhelmed by the goodness of God today, and I can't help myself! I want everyone I know to also see the goodness of God. I think if I didn't share, the rocks would start crying out and that would just be creepy! :)
Gotta always start these stories with a little background to catch you up to speed. Remember our wreck? Remember our miracle van? We've been saving money for a new vehicle because we wanted to pay cash and not have a car payment. Well, we finally got money saved up and bought us a nice used van that is perfect for our family and all the traveling we do. It's literally perfect. An answer to what we had been praying for. Awesome. Saving money for a vehicle tends to strap finances elsewhere in the budget. "No problem", I've learned to realize because God will take care of the needs.
I was looking ahead a little too far at some of the things coming up this summer we need to pay for. Taking my eyes off of Jesus and looking instead at the swirling waters around me. Summer activities, fees for middle school, a trip to Arkansas, etc. started freaking me out a little. God said, "One thing at a time, sweetie." So I thought I'd start praying for the most recent things we needed to pay for. I need $65 for something Monday. I need $120 for something on Thursday. I can pay them out of what's in the bank right now, God, but that will really leave us strapped. Funny when I'm telling God how I think He should answer my prayer. I'm sure He just stands there and giggles at me. He really likes to surprise me!
I get the mail today and there is an envelope from my church with a few checks in it. I buy a ton of stuff for children's church and then get reimbursed for it later. Sometimes I turn in so many receipts I never can keep track of what's to be paid back to me. (I know you organized people are cringing, but I'm horrible at money, by the way) In the envelope, there is a reimbursement check that was to come back to me in February, but it had gotten lost and now it was found. Perfect timing since it was for $65. God is so sneaky like that. Then I got my paycheck...I'm rolling in it, ya'll. But the timing was perfect and my $122 will pay for what I need to pay for on Thursday.
One thing at a time, sweetie. Now I'm just going to sit back and see how God is going to provide the other things I need to pay for this summer. I have a few ideas, but I'm sure He has a few tricks up His sleeve to amaze me.
The sun is out today and my spirits are lifted. I went through a really rough week last week extremely down. Everything irritated me and upset me. I was tired and lacking motivation or energy to do anything. A little bit of a depressed slump there for me. Today as I bask in the sun, I'm trying to isolate what brought me down. I think I've been having a little pity party, is what I think my problem is.
I'm a veteran military wife. At that phase of life when we moved constantly, friends would come and go and I was used to that. I was used to unplugging from people and moving on. I was used to only investing so much into the lives of others, but not too much. Investing only enough to where the detachment process didn't hurt too badly. I'm not in that phase of life anymore, and my brain seems to have caught wind of that. Since we've been out of the military, I've let my guard down. Michael and I have began investing 100% into the lives of those who are brought into our orbit. We have been living our lives as though we'll have the same friends for eternity. But for the past few years, the ones we have invested heavily in and loved deeply have ended up moving away! And this has nothing to do with the military! It's just where life is taking our friends.
Some dear friends who we've only known since August of last year (yet we feel like we've known them our whole lives!) told us on Monday that they are moving. Back to Arkansas, no doubt. Michael even got teary about the situation because this is the first friend he's ever invested in who is now leaving him. I think I've been battling all week with God about why He keeps doing this to me! Why does He keep taking my friends away from me? If I were to sit back and count the number of friends who have been impactful in my life and then moved away, it would overwhelm me. So, not gonna do that! But the number is great. Apparently, God thinks I am a person who can handle that. Apparently God thinks He created me to be a person who can handle that. From what I've learned about God...He knows best.
I'm not to stop investing my whole heart into people. And neither are you. We can't look at it from an earthly perspective. Sure, my friends are ALL over the world, and there are many who I may never see again this side of eternity. But that's the point...I will have eternity with them because I have invested my heart into them. The way we treat people and love people is an eternal attribute. Jesus was only on earth for a short while and He invested everything He had. I know how it must have hurt His heart to leave His friends, but He invested for eternity.
It's no coincidence that my children's church lesson for this week is about Jesus calling His 12 disciples. Here's an excerpt from my lesson, "The task of the disciple was to learn all he could from his teacher in order to pass the information on to others. The disciples left their mark in history because of their willingness to follow Jesus. How will history record your willingness to do the same?" I'm a disciple. I teach, I invest, I love, and I send out so the Good News of Christ will be spread. Pity party ends here...because it's NOT all about me. Unfortunately it took me a week to learn that lesson this time. You'd think I'd be better about learning lessons, but I'm still hard headed.
I have decided I'm a "words" person. For some reason, I really enjoy words and discovering their meanings. God must know this about me, because one of the ways He speaks to me is with a word. When we were going through a very painful time in our life, He simply gave me the word "Sovereign". I had to digest that word and study that word for a while to learn what God wanted me to learn about our trying time and His sovereignty. He's given me the word "Redeemed" to chew on and study to teach me that nothing I've ever done in life matters because the blood of Jesus has redeemed me! "Faithful" was my last word He gave me to teach me He is always there, in the midst of everything, always by my side.
Recently the word that keeps flooding my brain is "Eternal". A verse that has sustained me for the past few years is Ecclesiastes (or Ecclesiastics, as Evan calls it) 3:11 "He has made everything beautiful for its own time." But the second half of that verse has recently come into focus for me..."He has planted eternity into the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end". The word eternity means a continuous, unlimited amount of time, often with a focus on the future.
Lately, I've been focused on what I'm doing with my life. If it has no eternal value, then I give it up. My work has eternal value. Raising my children to follow God's commands. Teaching them to love others regardless if they look like or act like us. Ministering to children at church and showing them how to follow Christ with abandon! Volunteering my time for organizations with an eternal mission of serving others and spreading the Gospel. Michael has begun to live with eternity set in his heart. Living on faith does that to a person. You realize that nothing here on earth really matters. It's all fleeting. We are here for a short time. And it's not at all about me! "Only one life will soon be past. Only what's done for Christ will last."
Building lasting friendships that we'll carry into eternity. That matters. Serving God even when I'm tired. That matters. Being available to my friends whenever they need me. That matters. Spending time reading my Bible and building my relationship with God. That definitely matters! Inviting friends over for dinner even when the budget is strapped and I'd rather just sit on my couch and play games on Facebook. Being obedient to the things God has asked me to do. That matters. Showing a smile and some love to a homeless man on the street or even striking up a pleasant conversation with the gal at Walmart in my check out line. Those things matter. Putting on Christ and letting that show over my ugly humanness. That matters more than you'll ever know.
God has placed eternity into your heart. Sometimes we have a hard time finding it because of our selfishness. That's when we just have to "lay it down" and pick up what really matters. Life is fleeting. Live for eternity.
Two years. It began with heartache, embarrassment, a crushing of the spirit. In the middle of it, that all turned to humility and an outpouring of God's love in so many ways! Toward the end, we are faith-filled, REDEEMED, and wanting nothing in our life unless it contains eternal value!
Today the word that fills my heart and mind is the word, "Faithful". Through the darkest of dark, God was right beside us and faithful. Through the breaking of our spirits, God was faithful to not ever walk away and leave us hanging. Through the waiting on God, although we sometimes felt He was silent, He was still faithful and right there. Through the waiting, we serve and sit back and watch God faithfully provide our every need. A two year journey. That seems short in comparison to the Israelites and their 40 years in the desert. But it has felt like an eternity! And Michael even has grey in his beard to prove it! :)
Not that I'm writing to say our journey is over. I'm not convinced that our journey will ever be over. I am writing to say that Chapter 2 is now beginning to be written. I am humbled and overcome with emotion as I listen to this song that reminds me of God's faithfulness!
Sometimes what seems like the end of your life is actually a bright, beautiful, God-breathed beginning! Hoping you'll follow us through Chapter 2. We appreciate your faithfulness in reading the craziness of Chapter 1! :)
These are some words that have defined the life of the Corsars the past few years. God has just constantly shown us that He is our provider. Have faith, Corsars, and Jehovah Jireh will provide everything you NEED!
Since a wreck totaled our car a month or so ago, we've been in prayer that God would help us find an inexpensive vehicle because we really don't want any car payments right now. We have a specific budget, want a specific kind of van, and really, I want any color except white. I live in the white tundra...I don't want my car to be white, too. We check Craigslist every day for our vehicle. We drive through all the car lots at night to see what might be out there just for us. We have even looked in Maryland and Arkansas where both our parents live. We've been pretty diligent. But just haven't found the right vehicle for us...YET.
Until yesterday. Our good friend, Jered, calls us and tells us he has a friend who is selling a van for $500. It's an older vehicle, but this friend of his really just wants to bless someone with it! Oh, and it's white. I figure it's best not to scoff at God's blessings. Even if they don't fit what I think I want. So, we test drive it, thank God for this great blessing, and go to offer the guy our $500. He then changes his mind and says, "You know what? I want you guys to just have it." WHAT? "Yeah, just take it. When you are done with it, bless someone else." Talk about paying it forward! This van had been given to them in a time of need, and they wanted to do the same with it.
So, we stand in this stranger's front yard with crocodile tears streaming down our faces. Michael gives him a great big hug...freaks the guy out a little. That's such a Michael thing to do. The older he gets, the sappier he gets. Just like my dad. I love that.
We get in the van to leave crying tears of joy and humility, and laughing because God has the biggest sense of humor. I was praying for anything other than a white van. God was reminding me there are more important things in life than the color (or style) of a vehicle. He was showing us how humbling and awesome it is to be on the receiving end of a blessing. We like to bless others and now we want to bless people more because we now know how AWESOME that feels! And the funniest part of this miracle has to do with the passenger side mirror.
Something that defines the Corsars is our ability to rip passenger side mirrors off of our vehicles. We've done it so many times it's comical. And it's only the passenger side. On our previous cars, we've ripped one off pulling out of the garage, one from backing into our other car...twice, and one from backing into the trashcan. ( And for the record, not ALL of those were Becky's fault. One was Michael's.) This van that God gave us, already has an issue with the passenger side mirror. We have laughed so much about God's sense of humor. I don't think I'm going to get that mirror fixed because it reminds me of how God pays attention to those little details in our life and brings them back to our attention just to show He's still there.
I hope this post has made you believe in miracles. Who just gives another person a car? A stranger no doubt. Every time we drive by this stranger's house, we pray big huge blessings over it. After the bear hug that Michael lavished on this man yesterday, the man stated, "I know we aren't family, but we are family in Christ! And family helps each other out." Are you allowing God to use your hands, feet, heart & whatever else He may be asking to use to bless a family member in Christ?!
Our miracle isn't over. God has other miracles in store for us. Miracles to prove that He is our provider. Miracles to strength our faith. Miracles to absolutely WOW my children. We are just continuing to be diligent, seeking God's hand, looking to see where we can be a blessing, and keep walking forward. He may not give us exactly what we ask for, but it works. And He knows best. Here's a picture of a miracle...in case you've never seen one.
I've posted time and time again about the amazing provisions of God. Something I'm a little passionate about as of late. When we think of "provisions" we usually think financially. We think of tangible things that God provides for us. But I learned today that God also provides for us in non-financial ways. I guess it's emotional ways that I have now seen His hand of provision.
We have 2 sets of really good friends who have recently left our church. Various reasons have just sent them out to minister in other churches, which is fine. But I miss those friends dearly! It just becomes harder to stay connected to friends when you don't see them every week. We used to go out to lunch with these friends after church and spend time during the week together at church activities. They became fixtures in my life that I relied on and loved being around because they filled my life with positive energy! They encouraged me and prayed for me.
For the past week I have really been grieving the "loss" of these friends. We've had them each over for dinner since our lives have gone on different paths, but just not the same constant contact as before. God is writing different stories for each of us, and I'm just a little bummed that our stories have to go in different directions. So, I was thinking heavily about each friend and praying for them. I emailed each of them to let them know I missed them and wanted to see them! So, coffee dates are in order with each. Then God allows me to run into one of them today! I never run into them in town, but God knew my heart needed that contact and He gave it to me. He provided a moment with a friend for me today because He knew my heart needed that.
After that connection, God let me in on a little secret. These friends I am referring to have always been on the same wavelength as Michael and I. Our stories and testimonies have always been very similar. God is doing almost identical things in our lives. Today, God revealed to me, that sometimes He has to "spread the wealth". We were all in the same circle of influence with the same "story" of what God has been doing in our lives. God wanted to increase that circle of influence. So, He sent these friends to a new circle of influence so more people could hear the amazing story of our God! He's providing for others' emotional needs by putting us all in different positions. So, even though I miss my constant contact with my good friends, I'm okay with the reason we are on different roads. I know someday I'll be spending eternity with them, so why have a pity party about a few measly years on earth. I'll serve where I am placed and I'll be okay with them serving where God has placed them.
Things make sense when God show us what He's up to.
God keeps reminding me lately to simply trust Him! Through all the crazy that keeps happening my life? How can I trust you, God? Did you see what happened to my car? Do you see the inconvenience that is going on in my life because of the accident? Why do you keep adding suffering to my life? I'm working hard and serving You, so why do bad things keep happening to me?
So, God replies to me, "You told me I could have every piece of your life. So, you need to trust Me with it."
In my chronological Bible reading the other day, which always conveniently lines up with my life, I was reading in Job. Job comes after Genesis chronologically...weird. Job had suffered and was ranting about why all this is happening to him. He is looking for God, but can't seem to find Him. But then Job realizes this awesome truth that God needed me to read as well in Job 23:10-14, "But He knows where I am going. And when He tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. For I have stayed on God's paths; I have followed His ways and not turned aside. I have not departed from his commands, but have treasured His words more than daily food. But once He has made His decisions, who can change his mind? What He wants to do, He does. So He will do to me whatever He has planned, He controls my destiny."
Then God reminds me again today with this little nugget send by a good friend who had to up and leave Grand Forks for warmer climates. She said it reminded her of me, and I have to agree. I hope it reminds you, too, of where ALL of our trust should lie.
"You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about.....
Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house.
The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.
As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.
Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts. Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny. He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?
Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value. A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this? 'Look at it,' he said. 'Read what it says.' She read the words ' United States of America .' 'No, not that; read further.' 'One cent?' 'No, keep reading.' 'In God we Trust?' 'Yes!' 'And... ?'
He explained, 'And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him. Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as my response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful! '
When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, 'In God We Trust,' and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message.
It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient.
Okay. I have to brag on how great our God is! And of course, that can't be done without bearing my soul and laying it all out there, so here goes.
I'm sure most of you have read or heard that we were in a car accident which totaled my car. Bummer because it was such a good car, and it was paid off. We weren't expecting to get another car any time soon. Our finances are already stretched beyond stretching since Michael is making only about half what he used to make in the Air Force. Get a new job, you say? Well, he's right where God wants him and he's doing exactly as God has told him to do, so we have to be okay with the limited funds, and we have to rely fully on God to provide for us. When God's ready to give him another job, he'll take it, but until then....here we serve.
I was praying just yesterday and "reminding" God that we were in need of some extra money. In case you haven't noticed, God, we have to get another vehicle. Oh, also, God, I need some dental work really soon and that's going to cost a pretty penny which we just don't have. And God, I'm trying to raise my daughter to love and serve you, so there's this conference we are going to in April, and we need to start putting away money for that. God? Did you get all that? After that prayer, the entire day I was bombarded with lessons from God about His provisions. It was in my bible study. It was in my chronological bible reading for the day (weird how that happened). It was on the radio a few times. I think God heard me.
So, today, I go outside to get the mail. Amidst the Oriental Trading Company catalogs and junk mail, there is a letter. Handwriting I'm not too sure of and an address in Arkansas so I know it's friends of my parents. I open to find the sweetest card with a check for $100 from some people I love dearly and have known my whole life! And not only money, but some encouraging words that what we are doing in Grand Forks is exactly what God wants us to be doing. I won't say their name because I know they like to give without any fanfare. Apparently God had already been working in their heart to help answer my prayer before I even prayed it. Wowzers. God is so stinkin' good. And sneaky, He is. I love that about him!
If God is ever stirring in you to give to someone or do to something for someone, please do it! You may be the answer to someone's prayer. And what a blessing you would be! No one can ever tell me again that God won't provide. If God leads you to it, He'll lead you through it. That's my life motto. Lead on, oh God! Wherever You lead, I'll go!
Yesterday was rough. I have a preteen daughter who is pushing boundaries and trying to figure out life. If you've been there, you nod your head. If you aren't there yet, well, it's coming. I'm learning that I have to hold those boundaries tight and not loosen them at all if I want to raise a daughter who respects rules and authority. Some boundaries are fluid and we can change them as needed, but others are more important and set in stone.
Yesterday was a day I had to hold up the stone wall. Alex disobeyed and consequences had to be doled out. I had to pray myself through the whole discipline process because I was quite angry with the disobedience. I was disappointed and hurt by her actions. So, I had to get myself in check first. God gave me some good insight and let me know what to say to my child, who is also His child. After consulting Him, it made me realize that this parenting job really isn't that hard. As long as I'm in the Word and seeking God, He'll give me the wisdom needed to raise wonderful kids. But I don't have to do it alone. He intervenes with His child as well. That's the cool part.
Two times yesterday, Alex was taught lessons about the Ten Commandments. And the two that really spoke to her were, (1) You shall not lie, and (2) Honor your father and mother. Funny how God pulled those out for her to focus on. She was taught about them during chapel at school, then she was taught about them again last night at youth group at church. You don't usually get a double whammy on a particular topic like that, but God had a plan for her yesterday and it included driving those home to her little heart.
We helped her to relish in the fact that God spoke to her yesterday! How exciting! The consequences she's having to endure now aren't quite so bad because she had an experience with God. I love when God takes the bad and turns it into something good. He loves to do that to our family. I love that He's showing Himself to my children now. I know He's been doing it all along, but I love that they are finally beginning to see Him!!
So, my new years resolution is to read the Bible through this year. I have resolved that in the past and only made it to the book of Numbers. I've been told that getting through the Old Testament is a bit tough, but so is pushing yourself through a work out regimen or changing your diet. So, I'm pushing through. It's actually kind of funny (not funny, haha, but funny as in "the way God works and lets you know what you need to know when you need to know it" kind of way). Starting me back over was exactly what I needed. Maybe kind of the way God decided to start our life in Grand Forks over again in 2010 (see http://corsarfam4.blogspot.com/2010/08/starting-over-in-same-place.html for details). I think if we would learn the lessons as they came around the first time, maybe we wouldn't be forced to relive them like that movie Groundhog Day. Oh, that movie irritated me. Anyway, I digress.
We have been in a holding pattern for a while now. Still serving and moving forward inches at a time...being obedient where God tells us to be obedient. But not sensing any real direction from God as to what He wants us to be doing. Walking in faith and seeking God, but not yet knowing exactly what He wants from us. More specifically from Michael. Maybe we're being tested to see if we'll be faithful in the small things before given any other tasks? If you read my blogs, you know that Michael is currently in a job where he is miserable. We've been praying for God to move him from that job into something better. Something less stressful and less trying! Michael has always been a go-getter guy...a man who makes things happen the way he wants them to happen. That's why he was so successful in the Air Force...he made things happen. But that was also a trait that God was trying to (and eventually did) break in him.
Cue the supportive wife (me) who claims to have tons of faith. I encourage my husband, pray for him, help him through these hard, difficult times. But the other day, I snap a little. Yes, even I can snap. It happens to the best of us. I told Michael that I was tired of watching him be miserable and I wanted him to just make something happen! Waiting on God is obviously too challenging and he needs to just go fix all this and figure everything out so we can move forward! Not exactly my best work as a wife, I'll admit.
Leave it to my Father to reign me back in. So, I start re-reading Genesis in my Bible reading plan. And God really draws me into the story of Sarah and her lack of faith in God to provide a child for she and Abraham in their old age. Instead of trusting God to do things in His way on His timetable, she takes things into her own hands and causes Abraham to have a child with Hagar, her maidservant. She doesn't think God has thought this through well enough and needs her help in making His plan happen. HELLO! No, I'm not allowing Michael to run off with my maid (if I even had a maid), but I am giving him permission to go back to his old ways of making things happen and not trusting in God to provide for our family. God has taught me that I might claim to have faith in Him, but it's really a little lacking...it's based on my human reasoning. And thankfully, our God is WAY BIGGER than my human reasoning.
I want to have a bigger faith. One that indicates I am fully immersed in God and ONLY what He wants for our family. We're still in a holding pattern, because we still have things to learn here. Paul was in prison for approximately 5-6 years of his ministry. A holding pattern it may have seemed, but actually a time when he could still minister, still write, still have experiences with God. So, I'm starting over AGAIN. Back to square one. Building my faith a little stronger than before.
Are you still pushing forward? Anyone up to Numbers yet? :)
